soheartbroken Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I just read this thread, not realizing that I read it awhile back and actually posted on it. This is awesome (except the downer post about some people never recovering...). Thanks Kizik.
SushiOji Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 But this thread is 100% truth. There are people who can get past cheating because the other person is WORTH it to them. The fact that my ex couldn't sit down with me and work through the couple of minor problems that we had just shows that she didn't care enough. THIS is what pisses me off the most
plowman Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 this is an awesome thread. you all have no idea the help it has given me to read through it thank you all
Kaya Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Thanks Kizik. I haven't been able to feel anger yet.. but reading this sure does help!
HeavenOrHell Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 My ex left because I wasn't putting in the effort and he no longer felt valued. This is the point I always hammer into everyone I can. Its not because you werent home when they stopped by that one time, or because you didnt like one of their friends, or because they needed space to do their music, or werent supportive of their art, and didnt comfort them enough when they got a C on a test. Its because YOU were not valuable enough to them. The scales tipped, making you more of a hassle than you were worth. While thats not to say that you did absolutely nothing to make things that way, the point is when someone VALUES you enough, they make an effort to work out problems. They WANT them to be worked out, they WANT the two of you to be happy, and they comprimise. When someone is done with you, they WANT things to fail, they WANT to blame you for trivial things, and act as if that was the reason they left you. No friends, its all about your percieved value. And getting pissed is what it usually takes to start moving on. As long as you think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread, youll always be hung up.
Author kizik Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Glad to know a few more people got something out of this. I'm still single, but I have since realized that the woman that caused me such heartbreak was really just an immature, spoiled, selfish little girl, in the disguise of a woman. A very heartfelt Happy Thanksgiving from me to all of you. -k
illadelph Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 I've been reading a lot of stories on LS for the past couple of weeks, trying to draw comfort and understanding from other people's experiences (which may not be exactly mine but are pretty close in some respects) and this is the first thread that has made me want to register and post. Its been a really rough past three months with my ex, who broke up with me on the drive in from a weekend trip to the country, over my reaction to him wanting to open a branch of his office 100 miles from our home (I was initially just nervous at the thought of him being so far away from me and expressed that). Since that time, he has been in and out of my life. Wanting to spend time with me, telling me he loves me, talking to me every day, asking my opinion for his business decisions etc, but never interested in being public with his actions towards me, dropping the hint now and then that he's looking for an interesting person. Further to that, he is rarely concerned about my well being, never making time to give me advice, never comforting me if I am upset or even acknowledging that his behavior makes me feel like I am worth literally nothing. Just last night, we had an argument about this. And I am finally realizing that in all of this, I am not worth what he has made me think I am. The original post in this thread is spot on. I know now that he left me because I was not worth the time or the effort. I was not worthy of his public affection or his comfort. And you know what? I'm tired of it. I may not be worth anything to him, but that is his loss because I know that I'm worth someone's time and someone's effort and someone's unconditional love. I was thinking today that years from now (and I guess even now) when I look back on our relationship, I know that I was a good person; no one is perfect, but I give it my all. I did everything in my power to make him feel happy and healthy and most importantly, loved, respected and valued - I do that to this day, even with the crap that he puts me through. I cried so hard and long last night that my eyes are still swollen this afternoon. I can't promise that that will be the last time it will happen but I assure you that I KNOW now that it is only fair to me to expect from my SO the same effort that I put out in return and that ******* couldn't even pay me the courtesy in returning that favor. And who the hell wants to be with someone like that? I sure as hell don't. I still miss him, even as I write this. But I'm getting over this prick ... because that's exactly what he is. BECAUSE I'm worth more than he values me. Thanks so much for the great read ... I'll be reading it a lot. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Author kizik Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 Glad to help, illadelph. You ARE worth it, and you ARE important. Anyone who is supposed to be your partner does not EVER get to treat you in ANY other way than lovingly. Your eyes are opening with every passing day. In a few years, you will not look back on this and laugh, but I can assure you that you will wish it had ended sooner, so you could have been happier earlier. Happy TG to you, too.
illadelph Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Glad to help, illadelph. You ARE worth it, and you ARE important. Anyone who is supposed to be your partner does not EVER get to treat you in ANY other way than lovingly. Your eyes are opening with every passing day. In a few years, you will not look back on this and laugh, but I can assure you that you will wish it had ended sooner, so you could have been happier earlier. Happy TG to you, too. Thanks so much again. This morning was so hard, and the day got harder when I heard from my ex ... but this convo, as short as it has been, has made me feel so much better and so much more valued. Sending much love your way ... enjoy the rest of the holiday, no matter what you're doing.
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