whodey115 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 How do you know its really over? I was going through tough times a couple months ago, and my now ex and I broke up(I started it) after almsot 6 years together. We had broken up a couple of times before hand, but none for more than a couple weeks during really tough times in our relationship. I know I really love her, and I knew she at least used to truly believe we were meant to be together. We had been looking at engagement rings(im 22 and about to graduate) and had planned(loosely) to get married in the fall of 2010. Now, after the split I cannot even get a hold of her. She has changed her number and has only stated that she is no longer in love with me and I need to move on. I recently talked to her mother, and she said that she was going through a really hard time and has no been herself recently. My question is, I know she is hurting, is her staying away and telling me that she doesnt love me anymore etc. her way of trying to deal with it? Her mom also said that she now has a new bf, which sounds a lot like a rebound relationship to me. So, do you guys think there is any chance that we could get back together? I finally talked to her a couple days ago and she lied about how serious her and the "new guy" are, saying that they are very serious and now thinking about marriage. Its only been 6 months, and I just find it hard to believe she is ready to move on and get that serious that quickly. I am losing it right now, I just need someone outside of my circle to help me and see it from afar. Does this sound like she is done, or just hurting? Please help.
boogieboy Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Shes trying real hard to stay away from you. You dont want to be with someone who wants to stay so far away. Stop trying to contact her, its up to her to decide whether or not she wants to hear from you. The more you contact her the more you push her away. Dood, youre 22! You got so many girls and so many years to find a better girl. You'll be ok. But right now, shes doing you a favor, besides telling you to move on. She wants it to be over, its been over for 6 months. You WILL find a bbetter girl You wont see that for a couple months, but your head will clear up. Stop stalking her, and prepare yourself to never hear from her again. Make her think you got a new girl. Best revenge.
Author whodey115 Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Well, I have tried the whole new girl thing and it didnt work out to well, it actually is what has driven me back towards her. After about 2 mo. I went ahead and tried to move on, and hung out(dont know how else to explain it) with a girl for about a month, before realizing that I was in the definition of what a rebound relationship was. So I got out of that and decided that I needed to just be alone for a bit to clear my head, and in the next 2 months I basically added up the good and the bad and tried to figure out if it was worth giving another go. I decided it was, and obviously she hasnt. My biggest question is this: Why would she lie to me about how serious she is with the new dude? Is this her way of trying to make me jealous and the revenge thing? I dont get that, because to me if she really was happy with him she wouldnt try to do that simply because whats the use, right? I dont know. I just dont get how girls tick, and its probably a good thing. They are all nuts(no offense ladys).
boogieboy Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 She might lie about her seriousness with the new guy because either she thinks knowing that will hurt you, or she wants to keep you hanging on. You dont really start seeing the lies until they break up with you. This is why you havce to stop talking to them altogether when they break it off with you.
joejohnson Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I think that she is trying to get under your skin by saying that her relationship is serious, and it very well could be a rebound. If you are really in love then its not going to be easy for you to simply go out and find a new girl. Women are funny with how they deal with things, you should see the situation I am in, my ex wants to be friends but if I tell her about other girls then she gets mad and gives me attitude. Be cool about things and say hello now and then and see where things end up. Allot of times things have a way of turning around. Joe
joejohnson Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Dont feel bad, I have no idea hoe they tick either and I don't think women understand how men are, thats why there are so many impasses when it comes to relationships.
Author whodey115 Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 I just dont get it, I mean we were together for 6 years and were planning our lives together. Now all of a sudden 6 months later she is in another serious relationship and talking about marriage again? Its just not her, and things are not adding up. This is not her. I really think she is just trying to get under my skin. Now, can I use this to my advantage at all? If I play it cool, do you think I can in turn flip it around back on her? If I act like I am ok with the new guy, and just say that I am happy for her and all I care about is her happiness is that the right way to go about it? I do still love her, and I feel as though she has to have feelings for me still. Esp. if she is going to lie about the new guy to try and upset me. Thoughts?
boogieboy Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I just dont get it, I mean we were together for 6 years and were planning our lives together. Now all of a sudden 6 months later she is in another serious relationship and talking about marriage again? Its just not her, and things are not adding up. This is not her. I really think she is just trying to get under my skin. Now, can I use this to my advantage at all? If I play it cool, do you think I can in turn flip it around back on her? If I act like I am ok with the new guy, and just say that I am happy for her and all I care about is her happiness is that the right way to go about it? I do still love her, and I feel as though she has to have feelings for me still. Esp. if she is going to lie about the new guy to try and upset me. Thoughts? You want to use it to your advantage? Stop contacting her, stop taking her calls. Let her wonder what you are doing. Let her miss you. The reason she was able to move on is because she checked out of your relationship months before you knew anything was wrong. If you act like everything is ok, you will eliminate her guilt while you still suffer. She wont have feelings for you as long as youre hanging around. Leave her alone, thats the only way to go.
Author whodey115 Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Hey boogie, you got it backwards. I broke up with her and have been trying to reconcile. I think she is taking your advice though, and it is tearing me up. She has moved away, so with her ignoring my messages there is no way for me to contact her at all. I feel as though I am starting to realize that I am fighting a losing battle, and she doesnt want to get back together.
speedy009 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I have just ready everything am Im really sorry that you have to go through this. The way I dealt with it is I eventaully gave up. After months of trying to get her back, I decided not to waste anymore energy getting her back, although my mind had not let go yet so it was eating me mentally. You MUST go NC and seem like you are moving on even when your really arn't. I know its hard but everytime you contact her, she knows that you still want her, so she cant miss you. I accepted the fact that she was moving on and that what you should do too. If she comes back then you will be such a better person to her, but if she doesnt then you will know how to dealt with the next girl you meet. I dont know how your ex is like, but this definately sounds like a rebound, could work to your advantage or not....Sorry your heart and mind have to go through torture...it sucks...
boogieboy Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Hey boogie, you got it backwards. I broke up with her and have been trying to reconcile. I think she is taking your advice though, and it is tearing me up. She has moved away, so with her ignoring my messages there is no way for me to contact her at all. I feel as though I am starting to realize that I am fighting a losing battle, and she doesnt want to get back together. From what you said in your original post, she fell out of love with you,.. Once that spark is gone, its reeeeal hard to get it back. Now that you said she is ignoring you, you are definitely fighting a losing battle.
Author whodey115 Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Sorry for the mix up, but I think you are both right. As hard as it is, im going to have to go nc. I think that is the only way to try and make her miss me....we shall see how it works out. Thanks.
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