evaG Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 1. Sometimes, people are just not ready for committed relationships. They have not learned how to care about anyone else but themselves, and it's just a maturity issue. They can't learn to take care of others when they have not independently taken care of themselves first (ie. life goals, aspirations, direction in life, etc). They could have tried very hard in their own limited way, and despite it not being nearly enough, give them credit for trying (note this is NOT an excuse to allow the continuation of the minimal amount they've given you). 2. Acceptance is the first step to recovery. Accept what went wrong in the relationship. Accept the difference between your ex and you. This could lead to understanding, and then possibly forgiveness. 3. Forgiveness is a very powerful tool. I forgive my most current ex for being immature. I asked for forgiveness from my first ex for my immaturity when I just left him cold and cruelly. What amazes me is that he forgave me a long time ago, and it took me nearly 6 years before I learned to do the same thing. 3. Never loose touch with your friends. They are your support no matter what happens between the ex and you. Your s.o. likes a independent, confident mate whose happiness does not depend on them anyways, so it's a double bonus. 4. A true two sided relationship will never make me feel jealous, clingy or the need to constantly know where they are or what they're doing. They should make me feel confident in their love for me, and I for them. I will settle for no less.
AnswersPls Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Hi, Its true. I agree with whatever you say. But. I am still trying to accept.. Acceptance is hard. Especially for me as I was just out from a 4 yrs 4 months relationship. My partner decided to drop the bags and go because he felt that i was not the one. Hence, he decided to cut the pain and move on. Its really painful. But .. to me. acceptance.. is still the toughest..
moo Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 yes. When my ex was my bf he kept telling me I was clingy and that I should have more confidence in our relationship...but I never saw him. He never made time for me. I also realized that in some relationships, I was not clingy at all. In these relationships, I was not lonely and had good emotional support.
mr.dream merchant Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I whole heartedly agree with all of it, but mostly number 4. With my ex I was the jealous, insecure, paranoid type. I could never really place my finger on why I was like that with her, I always had a gut feeling. It wasn't until after we broke up that I realized she just didn't reciprocate the love I had for her, for me. I always thought people were full of **** when they told me "If you're feeling insecure with her, then you probably shoudn't be with her." I thought maybe it was just me, and that I was crazy. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't good enough for her, and that she was on the lookout for a better BF while she had me around. No, she wasn't doing that. But yes, that insecurity stemmed from the lack of reciprocation. Point is, never settle for someone who doesn't love you as much as you love them. It'll only lead to negative thoughts and feelings. You'll feel like you're getting crumbs when you're giving out a whole loaf. Then you'll start to feel like your loaf isn't good enough for them anymore, and well....you already know. So cheers! To number 4 and the rest of the list.
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