CasualLUXURY Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I have been in a relationship with the same guys for 2 1/2 years...January will be 3 years. It seems like forever. I definitly love him. but i've started to notice that we're like an old married couple. He's 26 and I'm 22. we do nothing but sit at home and watch t.v. I feel like i am always bored. we never go out, i'm 22 and i've never gone to the bar to party like 22 year olds do. I recently wen't back to college and our scheduals tend to be slightly differen't when college is in session...he says hes ok with me being in school....but i'm not sure. I even don't work one day a week so i can spend time with him. he has always been the type to "jokingly" ask "how many boys numbers did you get today" or " how many guys did you have sex with today...you don't want me, you already had sex today." he says its a joke...but i have told him a million times that its not funny anymore. its stupid...3 years, he should be past this point. I feel like I have done a million things for him, and he could careless. I lend him money when he needs it, i buy him small little gifts when i see something that makes me think of him, not to mention, in the 3 years we've been together...i don't believe he has given me grocery money. I feel unappreciated. I cook, I cleen, I feed the dogs, get the mail, and even wake him up in the moring for work....six times. I go to school and work, and when I get home, i feel like he just sits there. when he has a day off and I have to work...the house dosent get cleaned and his laundry isn't done...then he asks where his clothes are. I had to borrow money from my grandpa to help pay for things for the summer...am I beeing sucked dry or used? or am i just over reacting? I really believe that he loves me, just dosn't appreciate me. when I ask if we can go out...he always says...I have no money. I make half of what he makes, and pay for double what he pays. I pay for, 1/2 of the rent, cell phone, car payment, car insurance, 2 credit card payments, which both credit cards are maxed out from trying to pay for what i already can't afford, and groceries (varies) when I actually have the money. I quit a job to go back to school so i am already in the hole, which i knew i would be when i went back to school. Oh, and I make $8.60 and hour part time. He pays his 1/2 of the rent, car payment, and car insuance. he has a track phone, and makes 14-15 dollars an hour full time. I am tired of feeling like his mommy. and lately at work i feel like i might like someone. I am not sure if its just cause he is paying attention to me, and flirting with me, or if i really like him. either way its scary, because if i really do like this guy, why? I mean I have a boyfriend, shouldn't i NOT like some other guy? or does it mean i do like him, what does that say about my boyfriend and I's relationship? the whole thing is weird. and its scaring me. Can I like two people at once? is that possible.I have no idea if this other guy is interested in me or not...i just want to know why i can't get rid of him. Am I guilty, have I don't anything wrong...do you think I am going to do something wrong...what do I do. Do I tell my boyfriend, should I meet up with this guy sometime to see what comes of it, or would that be wrongful...I'm so lost. I don't want to cheat or anything, but keep playing weird things like dreams about that happening in my head...and i can't seem to get this other guy out of my head. I don't know what to do. help.
kizik Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Simply put, your relationship sounds terrible. You know, for all the people (like me) who get depressed about not having an S.O., let's remember folks that a lot of people in R's end up as bored as the OP. First, the fact that you're thinking about this other guy and thinking he's cute is already a harbinger of the fact that you are not into your current R. When we start drifting, boy, watch out... Secondly, while I am sure your R started out just fine, your BF sounds like a total douche. You are 22 years old, and these things are meant to end. I am a firm believer in the idea that relationships have a life cycle. Granted, many DO last, but not young ones. As Dr. Drew Pinsky from LoveLine says, it's hard when you're young and know little else but what's in front of you, to know when these things are actually over. It sounds to me, my little viewpoint through the Internet, someone who does not know you at all - that this thing is winding down. Listen to your heart. Do you love him, or are you just scared?
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Sounds to me like you have one foot getting ready to step out of a sub-par relationship. What you have is not a partnership at all - it's not equal. Maybe he does feel guilty for being such a mooch, considering he keeps hinting that you deserve (and could get) better. I think it's time to sit down and decide what you want. Take new guy out of the picture. Imagine he doesn't exist. Now, just looking at your relationship, WHAT DO YOU WANT? Do you want to try to fix things with him? Is it beyond fixing? Do you think he would actually change anything? I couldn't agree more with Kizik's last paragraph: Listen to your heart. Do you love him, or are you just scared?
lilly83 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 The fact that you are on here asking this question and have noticed another guy shows how un happy you are. The first thing I can recommend is having some time and space apart from each other for a week or something like that. Do you have any friends or family which you can go and stay with? In this time have a serious think about how you feel and what you want and do not have any communication or see him. After the end of the time and space apart meet up with him and have a grown up one on one talk. Let him know how you feel, open up to him and be honest and let him know that you need him to open up to you. I feel that this is the way to deal with things if you really do not want to give up or end things. Let him know that you feel that it is important that you have 1 or 2 evenings a week where you do seperate things and have time with your friends. You are at college and this is a great time to meet new people and make more friends so use this time and have some fun. Also plan it so that you have one evening a week where you either go out or have friends over or go over to friends or something. A lot of people make the mistake of not spending time with their friends or having time apart and then this happens. It is always important to have time apart so you dont get bored. If you feel that this is not going to work and you can not work through this then call things to an end before it gets more difficult and you both end up getting hurt. You are still young and have plenty of life ahead of you so have fun, be single for a while. These are the two options you have and I hope they are of help
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