EmptyPromises Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 no im not stupid. i think i know what it means. but from MY point of view. me and my ex broke up for about 2 months..were together for over a year. we went no contact for almost 3 weeks..hungout a few nights ago.. had sex.. just chilled out. i asked him today if he was looking for a relationship or not ( cuz thats what i want) or if he was just looking to have fun ( if he would have said that i would have prob stopped talking to him haha) and he wanted to know what i wanted. hes known that ive wanted a relationship, and when i told him today he brought up the fact that in the last 2 months ive been asked out by two guys( neither of which i went on dates with) and is scared that there are other guys out there that i make think im interested in them. ??? i was single! i was allowed to talk to other guys no? anywayyy...hes liek why do you need to no right now why cant you just let it happen, let a relationship fall into place, why cant we just build it up. and i understand that , i agreed. but i said if were agreeing to working things out and building it up, then i dont want him to be hooking up with other girls or talking to other girls like hes available, and visa versa. he again brought up the two guys that asked me out ( that i told him about ) and i got angry and upset and hung up the phone. i called him back still alittle upset and explained to him that from this moment on if were going to be working things out and im going to be puttin gin effort and try to make this work that we shouldnt be hooking up with other people. he said we should just take it SLOW. build things up.if he doesnt want to jump into a relationship right away shouldnt i be holding back on the sex even tho i like it? like im sorry i dont want him thinking he can just have me without a relationship. what does "lets take it slow" mean in a guys POV? or to a girl? and any advice?
SweetyBear Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 To me, it sounds like you're just an option to him. If you're willing and he's not with someone else, then maybe you can hang out and hook up. That's clearly not what you want. You said you like sex. Are you someone who can separate sex from your feelings? If so, then fine. If you're like most of the women I know, you're going to end up hurt if you sleep with him and then you find out he's also sleeping with her and her and her. Maybe go out casually with one of the other guys who asked you out, but be honest about not really being over your ex so they go into it with open eyes. You don't have to sleep with them either, but it might be fun to hang out with them since they've actually expressed more interest, in my opinion, than you ex has.
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 OP, you were together for a year. You swapped bodily fluids and emotional intimacies. That's a relationship. He's eating cake. Don't be the frosting. BTW, nearly every normal person, myself included, likes sex. It's natures way of getting us together to procreate. Otherwise, do you really think we'd bother? IMO, once you go backwards on sex, your R is done. I felt this way with my wife. It was very clear. I was the one who ended pursuing her sexually because I had emotionally detached. That said, if he wants to reset the clocks, all of them need to be re-set. He can ask you out on a date and you can decide if you want to go. No sex anticipated....
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 very true.. and no i have never been able to separate sex from feelings... this has been dragging out all summer where hes not sure if he wants a relationship or not.. i love him to death but idk whats better for m
BCCA Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 and no i have never been able to separate sex from feelings Thats the curse of being a woman, but understand that sex means nothing more than sex to men most of the time. (I use the word 'curse' half jokingly btw) this has been dragging out all summer where hes not sure if he wants a relationship or not Can you imagine seriously not knowing? I dont buy it. My guy instinct is that he knows what HE wants, but knows its not what YOU want, so instead of being honest, he's having his cake and eating it, too. You HAVE to call him on this. I went through this with my last ex for months, too, and in the end - low and behold - she didnt want to be with me at all. Im pretty sure this guy knows how he feels and what he wants, so dont take 'i dont know' for an answer. And him asking you what you want before he said anything also leads me to believe he was just hoping you would say 'lets just have sex every once in a while' lol My doctor once told me that 'I dont know' really means 'I dont want to tell you'. i love him to death but idk whats better for m Being with someone who recipricates your feelings and makes you feel loved is better than this. All you have now is a shell of a relationship, and a guy who doesnt know what he thinks about you. It really IS better to be single, trust me. You deserve so much better.
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