multinational Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Hi! I'm new here and not very experienced in dating. This is co-worker situation. During the last half year I've become interested in a female co-worker and yeah - I wonder if I should attempt to get to know her better. I don't see her very often (even from a distance) - maybe once a week - as she works in another department, and in this half year maybe only 5 times without other co-workers nearby. These are the signs I've been trying to 'read': + first time we spoke she was clearly interested to continue talking, but I had to rush to a meeting + she smiles & laughs when we talk + I've spotted her looking at me from the corner of her eyes + when she was asked to take my place in an important meeting three weeks ago, I scheduled a meeting with her a few days in advance. She wore the most beautiful dress I have ever seen her in. (But was hesitating to tell her.) She smiled and laughed. - when other people are around she ignores me. - she never initiated contact with me. - we never talked about topics not work-related. - she did not remember details of our first meeting at the second meeting. - she seems to avoid me, for instance these things all happened once: * upon entering the cafeteria, she left immediately when she saw me sitting there * standing at a coffee machine, talking with a co-worker, she looked down and ignored me once she noticed me. * in a group walking towards a coffee machine, she slowed down till I was leaving. Two weeks ago, I went to her office to ask how the meeting had been where she took my place. She said composedly there was nothing to discuss really (another girl in the office appeared disturbed). Weather being quite warm, I had brought ice creams for some other co-workers. I invited them both to join us. They said 'maybe later' but didn't come. After 30 minutes I sent a mail to tell that if they wanted they could still get from the deep freezer. I received a mail shortly afterwards to thank me as she had taken one. It's definitely positive that we are no longer complete strangers. I am clueless what to think of this and if I should try, how this could be taken forward. Options which till now I've rejected are: - walk in her office again - with other people around and no `official' reason to go there, it doesn't seem attractive, as my last attempt seems to have failed. What to think also of office gossip? - send her an e-mail to tell her that I liked talking with her, but unfortunately it had always been hurried. I'd rather ask her in person, though. Also, as it is summer now, and I've not seen her for a week now, she may be on holiday and read e-mail weeks later. - send her a message over Facebook - Facebook is driving me crazy by suggesting her 50% of the time as a friend. I could point this out and send a text similar to the e-mail. Of course I don't know how often she checks Facebook. Would it be strange to send a message without sending a friend-request? (As I'd rather get to know her by chatting than looking at a profile.) The final option is to continue hoping that the right moment to chat with her will spontaneously occur in the next half year... but any interest of her may then be gone, and who knows if another guy comes along in the mean time... Finally - our company does not have dating policies; I don't know if she is single. She's not wearing a ring. It's not excluded that I may have to work with her in the future. I may be over-analyzing this too much, and an outsider's perspective could be helpful. If you've read my text till here - thanks for reading, and your suggestions and comments are welcome!
WTRanger Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Jesus, you're putting wayyyyyy to much pressure on yourself or the "perfect" situation. You've got to simplifiy things. The more complicated the plan the more screwed up it can go. To quote Walter from the movie The Big Lebowski, "When a plan gets too complicated, things get f*cked up." That's why your plan needs to be simple. Also, becuase even the best laid plans never fully survive first contact. Something will always change, the more simple the plan the easier the change. That aside. Here's what I'd do. One, friend her on Facebook. You've got nothing to lose. If she doesn't accept, you pretty much back off and she's a co-worker only. No shot at friends, more than friends, etc. If she accepts you, then that's a good sign. Now you should be able to see if she's in any sort of relationship. If she isn't then on to number two. If she is in a relationship, you're looking at friends only as your best option. Two, just ask her out to lunch or after work coffee, drinks, tea, etc. But keep in simple!!! No fancy schmancy dinner, that's for later on. Just a simple meeting for the two of you to interact ouside of a work environment. Just remember, the beauty is in the simplicty.
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