Bad Breakup

[iNsolence]

First off, this whole thing is like a bad movie so I might as well show who the characters are:

 

-Me (23 yrs old)

-My 20 yr old Girlfriend / Niece

-GF's 2 yr old

-The Uncle (Father's Coworker/Friend/Neighbor)

-The Aunt (Neighbor)

-The 16 Yr Old Son of Aunt (Uncle adopted him later on legally)

-The 11 Yr Old Son of Both Aunt/Uncle

-The 4 Yr Old Daughter of Both Aunt/Uncle

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So I was introduced to my girlfriend while coming over to her aunt/uncle's bbq and I was immediately interested. I had known the aunt and uncle for a while but didn't go over to their house a whole lot until I met their niece. The niece had just moved from another state and was in the process of getting a divorce and her aunt/uncle let her come live with them. So naturally, I started hanging out there a lot more (like staying over most of the time and then going back home to shower or change to go to work, etc). Things were going good and me and the niece started getting closer and closer by the day. After a few weeks we decided that we were going to be Bf/Gf. We started having sex and were just both really into each other. I did everything to show her that I loved her that I could possibly do (massages, cooking, cleaning, helping with her 2 yr old, treating her with respect and love, playing with all the kids in the house, etc).

 

After another few weeks, the uncle and 16 yr old got into a fight (the 16 yr old is a troubled youth and caused the physical aspect of the fight and the uncle let the 16 yr old hit him 10 times before he hit him back twice and initiated a choke hold on the 16 yr old). I was trying to stay out of this family dispute and make sure the 4 yr old and 2 yr old (who were asleep) were ok, and then my gf runs in and gets me to come break them apart. As I'm breaking them apart, the uncles arms go up and hit his wife's face (I'm almost positive it was unintentional). The Aunt gets him arrested and puts a restraining order in place. Their marriage already had problems from the past, so this was just the straw that broke the camels back.

 

The next day the uncle bails himself out of jail and goes to live at my house (hes my dads coworker and family friend). Me and the niece help get him whatever things he needs from the house, and try to do the right thing, etc. That same night, the 16 yr old tells the aunt (his mom) that I have to choose sides and move in or I can't come see my gf anymore. I didn't want to take anyones side so at first I said I would just stay at my house until this all boils over. My gf is upset, and I'm upset that I can't be with her. This pressure finally drives me to move in with her and pretend that I hate the uncle (which I told him it wasn't personal and that I just wanted to be with her).

 

I move in and everything is ok at best. We still did things together, but the initial interest isnt there anymore. I've been told by a few friends that I fell too hard too fast. I fell in love with my gf AND her baby and treated them like we were already married and like the baby was mine. Finally she tells me she doesn't want me around anymore and that she doesn't love me the way I love her and that I had to leave because it was too hard for her to deal with. I did what a lot of guys did in this situation and pleaded for her to let me stay and to work this out, and asked her why THEIR (aunt/uncle) problems should affect how we feel about each other, but it was too late and I think I probably made things worse by being too needy.

 

So here I am, back at my own place (uncle still living there) hating myself and wishing we were back together, even though I know its not going to happen in the near future if at all.

 

I'm having trouble moving on and accepting this all because I really love her and her baby and I think deep down she knows that all of this was really too fast and pushed on us. I'll still get a text from time to time, but I don't know how to respond to any of it, and just reply with some indifferent one word answer everytime (althought I don't make it seem that I'm mad). I recently asked her to call me and I told her: i just wanna let you know that i dont regret meeting you and your baby, and that im sorry the situation was all messed up, and then i wished her good luck in whatever she did. The next night she texted me and asked if i was working the following morning, I responded when I got to work "yeah" and then she said "nvm". I got hopeful she wanted to talk to me about mending, but I was probably wrong. I can't take these games if thats what they are.

 

My questions are:

-What do I do if she keeps texting or calling?

-Do I respond or cut off completely?

-Do I (If ever) initialize any conversation?

-What steps do I take (or not take) to help me get her back eventually?

-How can I gain that power that I had in the beginning back after all of this and make her want me back instead?

 

Any help is appreciated,

Hopeless Romantic Dude

[iNsolence]

she even told me (as well as her family members) that I was the best thing that ever happened to her and noone ever treated her this good

[ON MY OWN]

Hi, and first I wanted to say Im sorry for the way she treated you. Someone has to say it and I doubt she ever will. Sorry to be bearer of bad news, but once someone gets in the "mode" of playing games with peoples feelings and hearts it becomes a new path for the relationship, becoming a comfort level for the dumper. This is of course from life experience and observation of plenty of good friends situatons as well.

 

I would NEVER on my WORST day do that to someone.

 

I was engaged, my ex had 3 kids, mother abandoned them. ( due to drugs and theft for drug support ) I took on kids as my own. They formed bonds with me. 7,10 and 15. Was with him for a year and a half. We grew very close. Did things togther, date night, bought me flowers, told me he wanted me to be the mother of his children and I TREATED HIM BETTER THEN ANYONE EVER HAD. He bought me engagement ring....year later or so...bought wedding ring...we were supposed to marry in September.

 

Wedding ring went out for sizing...he told me he really wanted this and I also really deserved it. Two and a half weeks later, he broke up with me saying I was too uptight. ( I wanted rules for the children as opposed to a free for all and asked for him to be a team with me ) He would not get with me on that. He refused to work on it. He broke every promise he made to me.

 

He returns my wedding ring back to the jeweler.

 

Meets someone a month and a half later. After knowing her 4 weeks buys her an engagement ring. ( after she broke up with him 5 times in the month due to the fact he has kids. ) They are supposed to marry by December.

 

Not to hijack your thread, I wanted you to know my situation, and after reading yours I had to respond to it. It has been over 3 months now. I am better then that. I had real rough days when noone really knew what to say or do and TRIED to comfort me. I found ways to improve myself and my life. He will NEVER have the privledge of knowing my kind heart EVER again, I can PROMISE you that. I never knew pain until I knew him. I was with someone else for 12 years and never experienced that kind of pain. I would hate to see someone else go through that same pain if possible.

 

Lessons were learned and I can definitely say I know true heartache. I am a better person than that and HE dont deserve ME. Please whatever you do if you can take anything from my story and learn from it please do because the heartache was THAT terrible, I want people to learn from my experience if they can. Thats what I have used it for, helping others as well as rising up higher than I was even before I met him. The pain ultimately has put me in a better spot in my life once I made the decision I TRULY DESERVED BETTER!!

 

IMO... I would look forward...like when your driving...dont look into the rearview mirror...forward only. Amazingly enough all the back and forth is a game although if you never had it done before, you dont realize it.

 

I made the mistake of believing the best in him. I would NEVER accept that again. He even embraced me as I was moving out, he was balling and said he knew if he had tried, we could have made it work and why did it have to hurt so bad to say goodbye...HELLO????? WTH is that???

 

Point is he kept it dramatic until the end....a slow kill...heart ripped out from my chest slowly...no way, no more.

 

Now I am not saying EVERYONE is like that, that I DO know. But sounds like she is doing the same kind of games as my ex did. He may love me in his own warped way, which he said he always will. Means NOTHING to me and my having a decent life or a good day...ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS....dont ever forget that and use your own best judgement and make sure you can look at it objectively and not through rose colored glasses.

 

If you have any questions, anything at all please feel free to ask.

 

The best of luck to you...

Keep a smile:) OMO