bigworm23 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 When do you all think the window of opportunity on finding a partner you aren't simply settling for begins to close? I notice a lot of people around me getting married (some have already divorced) and I feel a bit of pressure. I am 25 years old, but feel my window to meet someone I really love and not someone I simply settle for because I am getting old, is rapidly closing....Any thoughts on the matter?
Author bigworm23 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 hah..true...but you know what I'm getting at right?
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Well, when you've lived another lifetime, you'll know what I'm getting at Seriously, this is all in your mind. A compatible and loving person can come along at any time, at any age, under any circumstances. If you die never having experienced that, then I hope you've lived a full and meaningful life. Ultimately, that's what matters, each day of existence.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Well, when you've lived another lifetime, you'll know what I'm getting at Seriously, this is all in your mind. A compatible and loving person can come along at any time, at any age, under any circumstances. If you die never having experienced that, then I hope you've lived a full and meaningful life. Ultimately, that's what matters, each day of existence. Yes, but BW brings up a very valid point. The dating pools change as we creep up in age, and thus so too must our tastes. Also, if you want to have children... a 60 year old with a newborn does not seem like a good idea. (though it's now medically possible).
prettybaby Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Uhm, are you kidding? I'm 26, and last year, I definitely did not feel the window closing at all! It was wide open!! As long as you got self confidence and positivity, the window remains open until you die.
clv0116 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 hah..true...but you know what I'm getting at right? You bought into the soulmate lie and haven't figured out it's a crock yet?
Shygirl15 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 The window normally shuts down when you give up on yourself.
sumdude Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Please relax.. you're 26 and should just be starting to even think about marriage.
Bayern Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Well if you're speaking of the "norm" then no, the window hasn't shut. I would say it never really shuts, but there is a part of society that will say you should be married by such-and-such year. You're not near it.
Kamille Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 My grandpa met his current girlfriend at the age of 74. She was his second love, after my grandma. He's 92 now. They're still together. He says he still feels all tingly when he sees her. And in my experience (now 33), the window has yet to close. Some people here have pointed out that as they age they seem to meet less "quality" people. the opposite seems to have been true for me. The men I meet seem to increase in compatibility and desirablity as I learn more about myself and invest in activities that I love and enjoy. And some of my friends have already gone through divorces. Take your time. Get married only because you love the person you're with, not because you're afraid you'll end up alone. I sure as heck am happy I didn't elope with the guy I was with when I was 23. He wanted us to elope and settle in some remote backwoods. Can't imagine what my life would be like today. Take your time. enjoy life.
Trialbyfire Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 The window's opened and closed at your will alone. Sounds to me like you've had your window closed for awhile.
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 The dating pools change as we creep up in age, and thus so too must our tastes. Absolutely true and, further, I think our tastes change irrespective of the potentials. That's what life is about; growth and change. I think, after the OP has had some relationships and perhaps a marriage under his belt, he'll see the reality of what the window really is. For me, the window is open wider and the breeze is blowing in more than it ever has. I'm looking forward to that view for some time to come, God willing
espec10001 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 F*** it dude. I'm 26, and I couldn't care less if I'm in a relationship or not. I'm striving to be good at something that takes tremendous practice and patience, and I don't have time for a relationship because that is not what I want at this point in my life. I feel lucky that I'm not stuck in a relationship or marriage because those who I know are in relationships and married are DREADFULLY boring! Have you ever listened to 20 somethings who are married speak to each other? I want to shoot myself when I'm around them! They are either arguing or talking about what color to paint the walls. BORING! Plus I don't see them being together for anymore than 4 or 5 years.
tigressA Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 My grandpa met his current girlfriend at the age of 74. She was his second love, after my grandma. He's 92 now. They're still together. He says he still feels all tingly when he sees her. That is SO cute. OP, I can identify with what you're saying. I'm only 22 but I know no less than 7 couples, who are at my age or no more than your age, who are engaged and will be married either at the end of this year or next year. I went to a friend's wedding last month and both the bride and groom are 23 and graduated from our school just last year. I felt the pressure too--but I had to learn that you can't measure your life by others' lives. Like these other posters have said, the window never closes unless you want it to. You're still so young and have a whole lot of living left to do. Don't concern yourself so much with what everyone else is doing or not doing.
boogieboy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Is it possible that you feel your window is closing because youre not meeting enough people? if thats the case you have to get yourself out there more.
leftyright1 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 dude, your window is wide open. however, one thing to think about is whether you want kids and how old you want to be as they age. i'm 32 and haven't married yet but it just hasn't worked out. i would like to by the time i'm 35 or so since i don't really want to be that 60 yr old at the soccer field with his 6 yr old. seems like you just have to decide what you want.
Author bigworm23 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 I may be feeling this way as I see more and more weddings of people I went to school with/know on facebook, etc....plus the fact I just got out of a serious long term relationship. I go out with friends quite a bit actually, and do meet girls, but I guess I'm just a worrier that I'm going to get stuck with that perpetual nag with daddy issues because thats all there is left out there for me when im finally ready to settle down
kizik Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Yep, 25 years old is the end of the road. To quote The 40-Year-Old Virgin: "You should just give up forever!"
Kamille Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 plus the fact I just got out of a serious long term relationship. Yeah, I always get the "it'll never happen" blues after the end of a serious relationship. then it passes when I start noticing more and more men around me.
Thornton Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I think the window closes a lot earlier for women that it does for men, purely for biological reasons. For example, a man can be 45 and meet a wonderful (younger) woman, marry and have kids. A woman needs to think about settling for someone who is "good enough" by her mid-30s at the latest, otherwise she runs the risk of being unable to have kids. Of course, if a woman doesn't want kids, can't have kids, or has enough kids already, then her window of time for finding Mr Right is a lot wider. A man's window is a lot wider simply because his fertility lasts longer. There's an indefinite amount of time for anyone to find Mr/Ms Right, as long as they don't expect to be able to have kids with him/her, and don't mind if he/she has been married before, has kids etc - the longer you leave it, the more likelihood there is that when you meet Mr/Ms Right he/she will be divorced and/or will have kids in tow. So I guess if you want Mr/Ms Right to be an unmarried person with no baggage, you probably need to find him/her by your late 20s-early 30s.
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 If the OP is strictly talking about a window of opportunity to mate and have offspring, then, sure, that window is very quantifiable. If it's a window for love, romance, partnership and intimacy, then my prior assertion remains. It dies when we die.
Thornton Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Yes, it depends what you're looking for, OP: *To find the right partner, have happiness and love, and possibly marry: any age *To find the right partner and have kids - a man could be in his 40s or 50s, while a woman only has until around her mid 30s. *To find the right partner, when you want a partner who is unmarried with no kids: probably 20s or early 30s, possibly later but much less likely as most people have baggage by that age. This is why many women settle for Mr Wrong in their 30s and have kids, then possibly divorce him later on and keep looking for Mr Right. They've hung out for Mr Right as long as biology allows, so they have to choose between having kids with Mr Wrong or not having them at all. Personally my advice to anyone would be not to settle unless you have no other option, e.g. you're reaching the limits of your fertility.
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