Andy L Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Is it possible for someone once cheated, to think to walk the same way about infidelity? Reading a lot of posts here, the cheaters always ask about "tell or not to tell" the truth to their spouses... And i was wondering about it, if it (to tell) could start a dangerous process to the BS to think some bad things to do him/her back... I'm surprised that i don't see those sort of things here in discuss because the cheaters are only upset about the damage/pain it cause to the BS if telling the infidelity (they don't seem worried about a possibility of revenge's desires of their spouses). Why Am I asking this? Thank God I'm not a cheater neither a BS, but years ago i know a couple who had this kind of issue... The hubby cheated once (with a MW), and his wife when found out, just did exactly the same (but with a 17y single boy). Both affairs were short and focused on sexual aspects - there was no emotional... This was a typical revenge because the wife only did that after found her hubby's affair and it happened as soon as she was informed on that.. So I wonder does it make sense? to consider to cheaters - to tell or not about affairs.. Of course there is that old: "Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right", but i think it's not a case of "justice"... BS have sometimes their own emotional hard instinct...
GorillaTheater Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 You might find this thread interesting: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164208/
OpenBook Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Reading a lot of posts here, the cheaters always ask about "tell or not to tell" the truth to their spouses... And i was wondering about it, if it (to tell) could start a dangerous process to the BS to think some bad things to do him/her back... I believe that often, a large part of the reason why an MM cheats on his W in the first place because there is a great deal of unresolved anger toward HER (the W). That said, I also believe that a BS is well within their rights to have a revenge A. Who knows, with whatever the relationship dynamic is in the M, it just may even-out the playing field for both of them,... so they can start rebuilding their new M together on a more equal footing. It's been my observation that the longer a marriage lasts, the finer the line between love and hate in it. The hubby cheated once (with a MW), and his wife when found out, just did exactly the same (but with a 17y single boy). Both affairs were short and focused on sexual aspects - there was no emotional... This was a typical revenge because the wife only did that after found her hubby's affair and it happened as soon as she was informed on that.. Oh uhhhhhh. This made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. That poor 17yo kid. If you're gonna cheat, at least do it with someone who's a little closer to the same jaded and cynical ballpark as you.
Owl Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I would disagree a little bit. From what I've seen, I think that a large part of what leads to cheating ISN'T anger in most cases, but the exact opposite...ennui or apathy towards the BS. The cheater simply didn't care enough about their spouse NOT to cheat at that time. Their desire to sleep with someone else overcame their feelings or caring for their spouse at that time. It's rarely in anger or revenge unless it IS a 'revenge affair' to retaliate at their partner for cheating on them to begin with. As far as a revenge affair "evening the playing field"...it rarely works out. Typically there is already an unbalanced power situation in the marriage when an affair occurs...and a second affair on the other side rarely balances it out, but tips the scale completely and destroys the chance for reconciliation between them.
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