MusicChick24 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 First of all I hate people who make excuses for things, and I hate gender stereotypes of all kinds. So I wonder why men use their gender to escape a mistake they made. My boyfriend always uses these outs. Yesterday I told him THREE times that I was going to be going to Curves to workout at 3 o clock. I told him the night before, I told him that morning and I told him right before I went. Then he tries to call my house and I'm not there, so when I get home he is like "Where were you?" I was like "I told you that I was going to curves at 3." And he was like "MEN DON'T LISTEN THAT DEEPLY." I knew you were going but didn't know when. Why couldn't he just say. " I missed when you told me what time you were going so I was worried when I called and you weren't home." That would have made more sense. I feel that men use these stereotypes such as men don't listen to keep from having to admit they made a mistake. Mostly because I know men ARE capable of listening if they try. Since I know someone will say it I know there are women out there who use the "I'm a bitch cause I'm PMS-ing right now." And I don't think that is right either because that is no excuse. My boyfriend uses his stereotypes on me saying "You're angry you must be PMS-ing" and about 85% of the time I'm NOT. Why is this?
utterer of lies Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 First of all I hate people who make excuses for things, and I hate gender stereotypes of all kinds. So I wonder why men use their gender to escape a mistake they made. My boyfriend always uses these outs. Yesterday I told him THREE times that I was going to be going to Curves to workout at 3 o clock. I told him the night before, I told him that morning and I told him right before I went. Then he tries to call my house and I'm not there, so when I get home he is like "Where were you?" I was like "I told you that I was going to curves at 3." And he was like "MEN DON'T LISTEN THAT DEEPLY." I knew you were going but didn't know when. Why couldn't he just say. " I missed when you told me what time you were going so I was worried when I called and you weren't home." That would have made more sense. I feel that men use these stereotypes such as men don't listen to keep from having to admit they made a mistake. Mostly because I know men ARE capable of listening if they try. Since I know someone will say it I know there are women out there who use the "I'm a bitch cause I'm PMS-ing right now." And I don't think that is right either because that is no excuse. My boyfriend uses his stereotypes on me saying "You're angry you must be PMS-ing" and about 85% of the time I'm NOT. Why is this? It's simple, quick and easy, and as long as the partner accepts such explanations...
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 It's simple and easy, and as long as the partner accepts such explanations... I don't accept them. I always disagree and then he will shoot into LONG explanations about he's right and I'm wrong.
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 The simple answer is because it has always worked for them with women. The reverse corollary would be that a man who does listen and take personal responsibility would be a doormat and boring. Doesn't exactly stir up your love juices. Think about the reality of that
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 The simple answer is because it has always worked for them with women. The reverse corollary would be that a man who does listen and take personal responsibility would be a doormat and boring. Doesn't exactly stir up your love juices. Think about the reality of that You make a lot of sense with that. Never thought about that.
lab_brat Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I hate gender stereotypes of all kinds. .... So I wonder why men use their gender to escape a mistake they made. Why is this? :confused:
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 :confused: What are you trying to say Lab Rat?
utterer of lies Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I hate gender stereotypes of all kinds. .... So I wonder why men use their gender to escape a mistake they made. Why is this? :confused: haha, nice one, didn't spot it. Thanks for the magnifying glass!
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 What are you trying to say Lab Rat? S/he's trying to say that you used a gender stereotype after 'hating' them. I didn't bother with that part. I like the meat over the potatoes
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 S/he's trying to say that you used a gender stereotype after 'hating' them. I didn't bother with that part. I like the meat over the potatoes No I did not use a gender stereotype because I addressed that women use them too...therefore being equal. Maybe he should have quoted the whole post and not the parts that were convienent to him/her.
espec10001 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Because when women start talking too much we stop listening.
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 Because when women start talking too much we stop listening. HE WAS THE ONE WHO WANTED TO KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING TO BE! So I told him. And he couldn't remember the time I was going to be at the gym. WTF?
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 And they keep talking because they know how much it annoys us. My solution is to be an active listener and to start regaling them with the nuances of my day. Annoyance can be a two-way street
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 And they keep talking because they know how much it annoys us. My solution is to be an active listener and to start regaling them with the nuances of my day. Annoyance can be a two-way street Carhill you have something there. For all the men that say women talk too much many have never realized that if they TALKED BACK we would talk less. When they stare at us blankly we talk more cause we feel like we have to restate everything we just said plus more.
espec10001 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 HE WAS THE ONE WHO WANTED TO KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING TO BE! So I told him. And he couldn't remember the time I was going to be at the gym. WTF? So he forgot, big deal. It isn't his job to remember everything you say. Give him the silent treatment then he'll start remembering what you say.
Thaddeus Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Give him the silent treatment then he'll start remembering what you say. I call pure horseshat on this. The silent treatment is a good way to drive someone away. Nothing - and I mean NOTHING - good comes out of being uncommunicative.
utterer of lies Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I call pure horseshat on this. The silent treatment is a good way to drive someone away. Nothing - and I mean NOTHING - good comes out of being uncommunicative. It's a ymmv thing. It helps sometimes, with some people... But it seemed to me that espec was just being sarcastic.
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 So he forgot, big deal . It isn't his job to remember everything you say. Give him the silent treatment then he'll start remembering what you say. Maybe but it's annoying when I tell someone THREE times what time I'm going to be at a certain place and then HE freaks out cause he doesn't know where I was when I told him multiple times. Why should he freak out at me for his memory loss.
espec10001 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 So he forgot, big deal . It isn't his job to remember everything you say. Give him the silent treatment then he'll start remembering what you say. Maybe but it's annoying when I tell someone THREE times what time I'm going to be at a certain place and then HE freaks out cause he doesn't know where I was when I told him multiple times. Why should he freak out at me for his memory loss. And then, in turn, you will give him the silent treatment, and suddenly he will become attentive. Does this not work to the advantage of the woman? She is communicating with him through non-verbal means, something that is more powerful against a man than speech. Facial expressions, body language, is this not another form of communication?
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 OK, is this a sign of bigger issues? BTW, IMO, a healthy woman will find the qualities of listening and comprehension to be attractive and positive. I expect the same from a woman, that she wants to listen and comprehend. Otherwise, why bother? Talking to the walls is more productive
clv0116 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 So he forgot, big deal. It isn't his job to remember everything you say. Give him the silent treatment then he'll start remembering what you say. Give me the silent treatment and your ass is out the door. I don't have the time or inclination to memorize the mundane details of your daily life with utter fidelity, deal with it or hit the effing road. How's that for not blaming my gender?
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 When they stare at us blankly we talk more cause we feel like we have to restate everything we just said plus more. I've noted, when practicing reflective listening, I'll say "I understand" and get this back :"NO, you don't understand", and then I proceed to reflect back exactly what was said and my interpretation of it. Psychology at its best
Jaytb Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I'm wondering why he freaked out when you were at Curves. Sounds like he needs to know where you are all the time. Which is just too controlling if you ask me.
kizik Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Men don't collectively DO anything, except for the same things women do - eat, sleep and sh*t. But maybe your BF is a bad listener.
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Men don't collectively DO anything, except for the same things women do - eat, sleep and sh*t. But maybe your BF is a bad listener. I would agree with you except for the fact that I've seen several men my age and up do this. I'm not saying ALL men by all means but I have seen it more often than not. They mess up on something and blame their gender or something.
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