Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I think of her all day every day, and even my dreams aren't safe anymore. I had a dream last night, where she had gotten huge. And I still told her I loved her, and that I didn't care. That's the truth, too, I really would still love her and be there for her, even if that happened. But this intense anxiety, the fact she keeps coming back to my mind so ridiculously often, is killing me. I can't be the only one?
Notsogood Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 It's only been 6 weeks for me so far, but i'm in the same boat. I think I am temporarily insane at the moment. Can't concentrate, not at work, not at home, not even when watching a movie. Feel so empty and dead inside. Love sucks
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 Sucks so bad, doesn't it? I was okay for like the first 3 months, but since then, things have only gotten worse. Now, 8 months later, I feel the most intense pain I've ever felt.
Notsogood Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Are you currently doing NC? How is that working for you
broken_promises Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 The anxiety, restlessness, and constant thoughts about them... for me, it is the most brutal part of breaking up. I go back and forth between rehashing the past, looping thoughts about what I did wrong/could have done differently, anger at things that I think he did wrong, everything reminding me of him (in both good and bad ways) and then just the desperate desire to contact him. I hate this. The only thing that keeps me afloat sometimes is reminding myself that I felt this exact same way after my last two long-term relationships ended too. And I got over them. As much as people act like breaking up is just necessary and you should "just move on," the reality is that it really is just like a death. You are no longer going to have that person in your life. I mean, all of these impulses and feelings and the whole grief process is essentially the same. The only difference - and maybe it makes it that much harder - is that technically we COULD talk to our ex again as opposed to someone who has died. You are also mourning the death of plans/future that you wanted together and the death of your own feelings of love/security with the other person. So, that is a lot to deal with in addition to losing the actual person - I wish there was a set path or formula to know when this stuff will stop affecting you. But, just like a death, there is no way of knowing how long the whole grief process will take. Everyone and every situation is different.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 Yeah, I went NC after I tried fighting for her. Then she'd txt me every two weeks saying things like she wants to be back together soon, etc. I finally asked her out on a date 6 months after the break up, and she accepted. She broke down and we both cried, she said she still loves me, and she wants to be with me, wants to go on vacation this summer, and everything else. Right before I made reservations for the vacation, she snapped again and went back to being cold and indecisive. Like a light switch. Crushed, I had no choice but to go NC again. It's been 2 months of NC now, and honestly? The pain is like acid, acid and nails that are going through every vain in my body. And the nails are rusty, and the acid, the most sulfuric. She comes on my mind all day every day, and nothing, and no one can stop it. Not even my own logic, my own psychology, nothing I have or can do, can stop it.
Dan83 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I'm feeling the same way about my ex fiancee. Was with her 8yrs, it ended suddenly with her leaving me for someone else, completely caught me off guard. It's been months since it happened, I was doing well, but lately all the pain has come rushing back full speed. It just really hurts, and it hurts even more knowing there is nothing I can do about it. I hate waking up and having her be the first thing that pops into my mind, it's very unsettling.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 I feel for you, Dan. When my first ex and me broke up, she got with someone else. The pain was excruciating, so much so that I shut off inside. The damage that that has caused me, has yet to go away all these years later. Thankfully I see a psychologist, because I myself knew I wasn't strong enough alone to beat those demons. Or I knew that those type of demons can't be beaten by yourself. We'll be here for you dan
banser123 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Thomas, I feel for you man. It really does suck.I am going through the same agony, and to make things worse, I have to see her everyday at work. Work is not the same anymore, very akward. Only hello and goodbyes, where as before we talked so much and went to lunch everyday. I feel as tho she misses me but is just going through to much right now and is afraid to confront me. I am going crazy with thoughts and dreams of her too. If you have time read my thread needs thoughts hurting deeply, and you will see why I can relate. I hope things work out for you, I really do
Dan83 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Thanks Thomas, It's a shame to see so many people going through so much pain, but at the same time it's comforting in a way knowing I'm not the only one. It's nice to have a place to come and vent where people will actually listen, it definitely helps, and thanks.
northstar1 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I think of her all day every day, and even my dreams aren't safe anymore. I had a dream last night, where she had gotten huge. And I still told her I loved her, and that I didn't care. That's the truth, too, I really would still love her and be there for her, even if that happened. But this intense anxiety, the fact she keeps coming back to my mind so ridiculously often, is killing me. I can't be the only one? I thought of my ex on and off during the day for a good 6-8 months. For 6 months, i dreamnt of her more nights than not. After 8 months, I grew tired of her lingering presence in my life and the fact that she was still impacting my happiness despite not being in my life and I got my sh*t together and began to create my own happiness. Ofcourse, meeting someone new who enriched my life and made me feel happy again certainly helped.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 banser, I'm gonna look for your thread. That sucks so bad man, you seeing her everyday. God, that would wreck me. You have some intense courage man, being able to do that. That would eat me alive in so many ways. I think I'd seriously just die.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 Yeah, I have severe anxiety when it comes to approaching girls. I used to be so good at it, but after falling so in love with my ex, I forgot all about how to do it. I wish I could meet a girl, but I just don't know what to say to them anymore.
Giha Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I hate it ss much. I think about her all day long, every now and then a new memory pops to my head and its killing me slowly. Lately i've been having dreams about her and her new BF, who who used to be a friend of mine (i think its clear why he USED to be). It pains me to think of her, every time I do I smile like an idiot but then reality crawls back again and it feels like fire, and not the good fire that I felt when i was with her. **** it.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 Giha, that was deep. Real deep. Such a shame that you are going through the same.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 No... I'm not being sarcastic.
victim_of_love Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 You can relate to your pain in more ways than one Thomas. You know about my situation already since you responded in my topic. I still do think about my ex as well. I mean, she has given me many reasons to just say "F*** her" and move on, but deep down I wish things would just work out. Everytime I see a picture of her, those feelings return and I get sad. I guess its because we had such a good relationship when we were together that living without her seems.....ugh! Lets hope things get better as time rolls by for both of us.
Dan83 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Let's hope things getter better as time rolls by for ALL of us!
WTRanger Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 One of the key's to this whole dream solution is to simply write them down, as much as you can remember them. Then, either online or purchase a dream dictionary. You'd be amazed about what those dreams are telling you about your life and what's going on. I used to think dream decoding was borderline crackpot psychology, and I still sort of do, but the more and more I try to record my dreams the more I might see it's only half crackpot psychology. A common theme in my dreams about one person in particular, are disasters. And generally to dream that you are in a disaster, represents your personal anxieties and fears of change. You are afraid of not knowing what is in store for you in the future. The really good dictionaries have in-depth theories about specific disasters. Such as tornadoes. What it means if you see one tornado, what it means if you are in a tornado and what it means if you see multiple tornadoes. One thing about writing them down and looking into them is that it gets you to start focusing on yourself again and not the other person. During that time, your thoughts are on you where they should be. The other key, and it's hard or near impossible, but try not to think about this person so much. You dream about them because they are on your mind all of the day.
victim_of_love Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I can relate to your pain in more ways than one Thomas. You know about my situation already since you responded in my topic. I still do think about my ex as well. I mean, she has given me many reasons to just say "F*** her" and move on, but deep down I wish things would just work out. Everytime I see a picture of her, those feelings return and I get sad. I guess its because we had such a good relationship when we were together that living without her seems.....ugh! Lets hope things get better as time rolls by for both of us. I couldn't edit more post anymore, but I felt I'd clarify that is what I meant. It started to annoy me, lol.
LisaUk Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 One of the key's to this whole dream solution is to simply write them down, as much as you can remember them. Then, either online or purchase a dream dictionary. You'd be amazed about what those dreams are telling you about your life and what's going on. I used to think dream decoding was borderline crackpot psychology, and I still sort of do, but the more and more I try to record my dreams the more I might see it's only half crackpot psychology. A common theme in my dreams about one person in particular, are disasters. And generally to dream that you are in a disaster, represents your personal anxieties and fears of change. You are afraid of not knowing what is in store for you in the future. The really good dictionaries have in-depth theories about specific disasters. Such as tornadoes. What it means if you see one tornado, what it means if you are in a tornado and what it means if you see multiple tornadoes. One thing about writing them down and looking into them is that it gets you to start focusing on yourself again and not the other person. During that time, your thoughts are on you where they should be. The other key, and it's hard or near impossible, but try not to think about this person so much. You dream about them because they are on your mind all of the day. OK so last night I dreamt that my ex (of 18 years), and I were driving in my car (I don't own one, just learning to drive now) and he turned to me and said "you do know all this is BS don't you? You know I'm having a midlife crisis and that's why I jilted you?" Simple meaning or deeper levels? Thomas, I feel for you, I felt like you did now for the first few months, has been 4 months now, is not so bad as it was. I think maybe because you had that date it has rehashed it for you? Don't be nervous about meeting girls, I looked at your homepage you are one handsome man! Can I ask why you have the Psychology DSM in your signature, are you a student of Psychology?
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 Thank you everyone.. I appreciate all your replies, and I don't feel as alone. Not that I'm happier that anyone else is suffering through this too. I majored in psychology, yes. I have to go back for a masters and PhD in psychology yet. Thank you for the compliment, by the way. I wish I knew how to utilize the looks. I don't mean that to sound conceited, or like I know I am great. I don't know. I am sick of not knowing how to approach girls anymore! I used to be able to well.
LisaUk Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Thank you everyone.. I appreciate all your replies, and I don't feel as alone. Not that I'm happier that anyone else is suffering through this too. I majored in psychology, yes. I have to go back for a masters and PhD in psychology yet. Thank you for the compliment, by the way. I wish I knew how to utilize the looks. I don't mean that to sound conceited, or like I know I am great. I don't know. I am sick of not knowing how to approach girls anymore! I used to be able to well. No you're not alone! I have a BSc (Hons) Psychology, that's why I asked, wondered why it would be in your signature, I guess you probably own a Phernology head as well hey? Like most of us do! The looks are half the battle, the rest you can fake until you make it!
banser123 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 yes thomas, it is really tough seeing her everyday. and most of the times she seems sad and i want to just hold her like old times. its not easy. a very complicated story but I truly feel that she wasnt playing games, its just that she had so much on her plate and was scared. being that you are a pysch major, please read my thread and tell me what you think. thanks
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