yasmina1706 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now, and in that time he has 'broken up' with me three times. It is always the same - we argue, he gets upset, says he doesn't want to be with me anymore, etc etc, then leaves and won't answer my calls for a day or so until he calms down. He then comes over, saying he didn't really mean to break up, but doesn't normally apologise unless I do so first. Needless to say I am really sad and quite heartbroken in the intervening period until we make up, and am always happy to see him back (I know I should play harder to get, but I do love him, plus I realy don't like playing games) He has a hard time expressing his feelings and I think this is his way of expressing anger/upset to me. I like to talk things through and reach a solution, but he's rather either blank me until he's calm or rage and break up. Is this normal? I don't like this kind of thing at all, it's too much like game-playing for me. I don't feel very secure in this relationship as to me it feels quite vulnerable - he is willing to end it over an argument (even if he didn't *really* mean to end it - makes no difference to my feelings) Any perspectives on this? Anyone who does this and thinks it's not a big deal? Any way at all of getting men to be more emotionally in tune? Thanks
Thaddeus Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 It's been a year and he's already done this three times? Sounds like he's inviting way too much drama into your life. Who needs it? Next time he does this, YOU end it. Go full-blown NC and move on with your life. This will only get worse. Any way at all of getting men to be more emotionally in tune? Actually, men generally ARE emotionally in-tune. We've just been trained by the women in our lives to keep our mouth shut, because whenever we express emotion it's denigrated or we're accused of being weak.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Is this normal? I don't like this kind of thing at all, it's too much like game-playing for me. I don't feel very secure in this relationship as to me it feels quite vulnerable - he is willing to end it over an argument (even if he didn't *really* mean to end it - makes no difference to my feelings) No it's not normal and it most likely is not a game either. My bet is that he is using that as a powerplay to take control of you and the situation. Make sure he knows that if his stupid butt does that again... you wont take him back... EVER!
utterer of lies Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Is this normal? I don't like this kind of thing at all, it's too much like game-playing for me. I don't feel very secure in this relationship as to me it feels quite vulnerable - he is willing to end it over an argument (even if he didn't *really* mean to end it - makes no difference to my feelings) Any perspectives on this? Anyone who does this and thinks it's not a big deal? Any way at all of getting men to be more emotionally in tune? Thanks You want him much more than he does, but until he finds a better alternative he's rather with you than alone. I don't even think it's game-playing, or a fully conscious behavior. He just does what feels right, but later after being lonely a few days, he gives up and walks back to the 'wrong' girl. I say this because reading the above reminds me of a relationship I had a few years ago, when I showed a similar behavior to him, and it was clearly that the girl was ok, nice, ... but I felt she wasn't right. We've just been trained by the women in our lives to keep our mouth shut, because whenever we express emotion it's denigrated or we're accused of being weak. Haha, this is bull****. Speak only for yourself.
Author yasmina1706 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 To Thaddeus: thanks for saying men can be sensitive too, it gives me hope Tbh, my dad and brother, although I love them loads, do tend to hide away their feelings and close off rather than ever open up, so I guess I am just not used to guys who can talk things through. To Untouchable Fire: Maybe control is what he's doing, in any case you made me realise I do feel out of control, I don't feel like he lets me in, while I am always open to him, and something feels somehow wrong about this relationship.
Author yasmina1706 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 You want him much more than he does, but until he finds a better alternative he's rather with you than alone. I don't even think it's game-playing, or a fully conscious behavior. He just does what feels right, but later after being lonely a few days, he gives up and walks back to the 'wrong' girl. I say this because reading the above reminds me of a relationship I had a few years ago, when I showed a similar behavior to him, and it was clearly that the girl was ok, nice, ... but I felt she wasn't right. Haha, this is bull****. Speak only for yourself. I don't know if he does want me less than I want him, I don't really have that feeling. It's more like he's just quite a 'cold' person, and I am a warm and open person. I just feel like he is always trying to outsmart me - maybe, as trial by fire suggested, he needs to be in control
AlektraClementine Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Can I be nosy and ask what the fights are about?
boogieboy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Ill hazzard a guess that he does it to make sure that you are SOO glad to have him back after a couple days that you wont bring up what was argued about, and everything goes back to normal. Which is why you apologize first. Its a great game...I should try it. Its cruel, but if YOU put up with it, others might too.
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