slippy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Hello, I am pretty new to this forums stuff and am not sure if I am writing in the right area. I really suspect my husband is cheating on me, I have a gut feeling, and he as been acting differenly lately. Does anyone know what some solid signs of him cheating are or where I can find out? Thanks
Thaddeus Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 There are dozens, maybe hundreds, of websites devoted to this sort of thing. Simply enter "signs of cheating" into your favorite search engine and see what comes up. Here's just one out of a myriad of hits I got on Google: http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isyourspousecheating/tp/spousecheating.htm I'd caution you about one thing, though: Using "gut feeling" in situations like these may not be the best option. Regardless of what Oprah tells you, "trusting your feelings" and "going with your gut" and "listening to your instincts" is NOT - I repeat NOT - infallible. Your feelings will lie to you just as often as they're correct.
adverse_behavior Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Hi! I'm new myself and to answer your question I feel that the number one sign is behavior changes in your partner, and since you already state you do notice that it may be in your best interest to monitor him a bit more until you know for sure I'm sure others will have loads more to add
Owl Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 There are numerous "snooping" threads that have been done over the years over on the infidelity forum. I'd suggest you do a search there, come up with ways you can verify your husband's behaviors for yourself.
phineas Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Well, in my situation OM's girlfriend told me OM wasn't interested in sex after hanging out with my wife. Told her sex wasn't the most important thing in a relationship which was a change in his behavior on her end. If you had fairly regular sex & now don't it could be an actual problem he is having & doesn't want to talk about it or someone else has helped him get off so he doesn't require sex from you.
Bobby2010 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I had 'the gut feeling' thing for several months after my fiance's behavior started to change gradually. I confronted her numerous times asking if everything was okay, and told her that she was not acting like herself at all. Each time she'd say everything was fine, BUT YOU JUST KNOW SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT. She ended up leaving me to move in with someone else a week later. You've got to do something at least. It's too bad there isn't a direct solution. You can't ignore it though.
Anthem Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Hi all...I'm new to this site as well, but I respectfully disagree about not listening to your gut. It may not be dead on, but it will tell you something is amiss. Listen to it. Mine told me, but I ignored it, until I couldn't ignore it anymore... And to the OP...the texts always tell..............
delajoonal Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 ok...so i am not so new..anymore...i have been on haitus while moving out of my marital home to my own apt....long story...some other time.. but i can tell you how it started... MY GUT FEELING! and i followed it...all the way to dh's emails, found the 'i love you too' emails from OW... i checked our cell phone bills..found HER/OW phone number..... i did many things to confirm 'my gut feeling'...and my gut was right... so, here i am ...in an apartment..alone..again..after a million years.... hurts, tears never stop:lmao:...but i did the right thing...i know that in 'my gut' as well.......i know THIS was right for ME..even tho right now it is difficult...but i can say this...IT is getting better...days are getting better..nights are still a little lonely tho:( so, my advice..START SPYING! check the emails, the cell bill, heck get in your car and follow him... do what YOU need to do to get over the 'gut feeling' and get to the i now have proof and what are you going to do now? hey..good luck...LS is amazing with fabulous people...keep posting OK. take care..
Gunny376 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Back before the Internet, Love shack, etc? I knew my Xwife was cheating on me because of my 'gut-feeling' You don't have two children with someone! Live with them, sleep with them each night, married to them? For twelve years and not know? Back before the Internet, computers, cell phones, cell phone records, key loggers, DivorceBusters, MarriageBuilders, LoveShack? Way back before any of that? I coined a phrase back in 1989? I told the XHEX? "At the very least? Your having an "emotional affair" on me!" I sensed and could feel the emotional withdrawal on her part!
delajoonal Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 ya gunny you are right....i had that "feeling" with the emotional withdrawal, and more...i knew before i started spying...i had asked stbxh several times, " are you having an affair?" he NEVER said no, only, he doesn't have time for that kind of stuff with all the hours he works, etc.....BUT I KNEW...in my heart..then my gut!....one night just out of no where, IT hit me...he NEVER said NO... so i marched into his computer room and for several rounds i got no...and i said, you know what, i already know that you are....he said he was talking to someone online and that was as far as IT had gone...so far..he admitted to wanting IT to lead to sex.... so the spying part, was just finding out who the OW was....i did, the affair ended that week.... i still moved out, stbx still wants a divorce...sooo...here we are... anyway...so Gunny is right...you will know in your heart first...that feeling of emotional separation, emptiness, a wall has gone up....you just know...then it hits the gut... well, good luck....take care..
Gunny376 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 ya gunny you are right....i had that "feeling" with the emotional withdrawal, and more...i knew before i started spying...i had asked stbxh several times, " are you having an affair?" he NEVER said no, only, he doesn't have time for that kind of stuff with all the hours he works, etc.....BUT I KNEW...in my heart..then my gut!....one night just out of no where, IT hit me...he NEVER said NO... so i marched into his computer room and for several rounds i got no...and i said, you know what, i already know that you are....he said he was talking to someone online and that was as far as IT had gone...so far..he admitted to wanting IT to lead to sex.... so the spying part, was just finding out who the OW was....i did, the affair ended that week.... i still moved out, stbx still wants a divorce...sooo...here we are... anyway...so Gunny is right...you will know in your heart first...that feeling of emotional separation, emptiness, a wall has gone up....you just know...then it hits the gut... well, good luck....take care.. For me back before the internet, cell phone records, the TV show "Cheaters" ~"Keyloggers"................................ I knew! In my gut I knew! I didn't need to her friends to tell me "How Long This Has Been Going On!" I didn't need her friends 'petty confessions" to let me know! I knew! You don't sleep in the same bed with someone for twelve years, make love with them, etc for twelve years and not know? Back in 1990, before I ever dreamed of the internet, DivorceBusters, MarriageBuilders, I told the then to be STBXW! "At the very least? Your having an emotional affair on me!" She had withdrawn from me emotionally! And she was withdrawing from me emotinonally. Because she was depositing her emotions into another man! A younger man, ten years younger than me. Not because of what I did or didn't do? Not because of what I did nor didn't give her? But because she couldn't deal with getting older! (35 at the time, and her current husband (No. #3) has had a Hell of a time dealing with her turning 40 and now 54) I'm 52 and have no problem with being such! I've already died a thousand deaths! So I have no problem with dying! I've been shot at, shot in the ass (literally ), crashed a 63' Chevy off a 40' gully in Alabama. Damned near drove on off a 100' cliff into the Pacific Ocean in Okniawa! Damned near got killed at Parris Island, and lost my hearing in my right ear from a gernade! Been through a lying, cheating, two-timing wife. A year long agonizing seperation, divorce! Bankruptcy! Yada~yada! But you know what? F**K IT! I'm still alive I'm STILL Standing! I get knocked down? But I get up again! Your NEVER GOING to keep ME down! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
Author slippy Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Thanks everyone for all the answers and support. I think I have a strategy. I have not come right out and let my suspicions be known. I was thinking that maybe just observing for a while and keep an eye on everything, I don't want to jump to conclusions and accuse before knowing for sure, I don't think that would be good for the relationship if "my gut feeling" is wrong. Does this sound like a good plan? Thanks
Lizzie60 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Hello, I am pretty new to this forums stuff and am not sure if I am writing in the right area. I really suspect my husband is cheating on me, I have a gut feeling, and he as been acting differenly lately. Does anyone know what some solid signs of him cheating are or where I can find out? Thanks And how has he been acting differently? what has changed?
Thaddeus Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Maybe I wasn't clear in my original post, and that's my fault, but I never said that one should ignore their gut feelings. My point was that gut feelings are only a very loose indicator. They may be right... but then again, you may be picking up on something else entirely. You can't, for instance, go into court and tell the judge, "I know he's having an affair because of my gut feeling." You're going to need evidence. And the breaking up of a marriage is very serious business, not to be considered based on gut feelings alone. Evidence (or confession) is the fundamental requirement.
Anthem Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Maybe I wasn't clear in my original post, and that's my fault, but I never said that one should ignore their gut feelings. My point was that gut feelings are only a very loose indicator. They may be right... but then again, you may be picking up on something else entirely. You can't, for instance, go into court and tell the judge, "I know he's having an affair because of my gut feeling." You're going to need evidence. And the breaking up of a marriage is very serious business, not to be considered based on gut feelings alone. Evidence (or confession) is the fundamental requirement. Not in California......no fault state.... irreconcilable differences............it is only now that I know what those two words truly mean......
broken hearted Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Looking back, hindsight is always 20/20. My husband up and left at the beginning of February with, what seemed to me, ridiculous reasons for why he was unhappy. During this time he said he just needed a break and time to think about things. He came home in March for a couple of weeks so we could begin to work this out. He up and left again in April to "heal" from the things I've done or said in the past that hurt him. He became very very cold to me, wouldn't tell me he loved me, wouldn't let me hug him, wouldn't spend anytime with me, was going to IC but seemed to get angrier and angrier as the weeks went on, never took his phone out of his pocket when he came to pick up our son, he became more and more withdrawn from me as the weeks went on. I had a gut feeling and I just couldn't shake it! I asked my husband SOOOO many times if he was seeing someone else and he said no everytime, how could I think that, he would never do that to me, he's not that kind of person...etc. I finally had enough of this gut feeling and checked his voicemail a couple of weeks ago to find a message from another female that started with, "Hi, it's me!" I knew right then and there! In my opinion, don't ever ignore your gut feeling. I had this gut feeling for months, it started in about April and it turns out that's when the affair started. If only I would have checked his voicemail much earlier, maybe it would have never become physical! What if, what if, what if!!!
Recommended Posts