Tips on getting my ex back

[scar1985]

We were seeing each other for 8 months its been about over a month since we've broke up but we still talk. Two months before we broke up he had started acting very strange. With every teeny weeny thing that would come up or if i try making him understand things he would yell and scream and invaribly it would always be my fault. If ever i tried explaining things it would lead to an endless argument and by the end of it i would always have to appologise. Initially We tried talking it out and the only thing he said was this is how i am i am short tempered i lose my cool easily and theres nothing i can do about it i'm sorry. We sorted things out and honestly it was me who was putting in all the efforts since he shrugged off his shoulders.

 

We broke up on a very silly note (for i left my ph behind for 2 mins since i had an urgent work to complete). It was a very stupid thing for which he claimed was a very big mistake and it is these things which add up to one big thing and that we arent compatible and we should go our separate ways. I tried my level best exaplaining how ridiculous this was and that we should sort it out but everytime i did that he would yell even louder. There were many times when i told him i still miss him and i still feel for him and that we could work things out. He didnt want to give it another chance. Since day one hes been adamant that we should just be friends and talk normally. We met up two weeks back when he kissed me saying hed really missed me things were all good till then and 2 hours later he told me that he was sorry but it cant really be us and that we should just be friends. I was really hurt and i still reallyyyyyyy love him and i still misss him.

 

Since that day onwards id stopped calling him its him who calls me up several times a day to find out what i'm doing and we talk for hours. We plan to meet up this weekend but ive spoken to him thrice already about getting back and he claimed he wanted to just be friends. I still feel for him and i cant keep talking to him as just friends. I don't want to ask him again because that would just make him feel i really need him and i'm desperate and hes really important i don't want to push him away. Do you think its a really good idea to talk about it again or should i just wait for him to initiate things? I don't want to be taken for a ride or for him to feel that i'm always available for him wehevr he needs me id be thr or whenever he wants to talk i should talk.Do you think its alright if we meet up..we both r really anxious about it...Please help!! Is there any possibility that we would ever get back. How do i win him back

[adamt]

Dont talk to him, dont answer his calls, dont text back. make him feel he misses you. dont talk to him until he says he wants to get back together. disappear out of this life. If he doesnt miss you then move on. dont tell him you are not speakign to him. just do it.

[scar1985]

I tried doing that a several times. Everytime i ignore he would keep calling persistently or send me messages saying get lost now don't ever dare call me or talk to me. I don't want that to happen and i don't want him to go away.

 

Hes been really confusing me lately. Initially i would be the one stretching the conversation but now every time he calls he makes an extended conversation he still wants to know what i'm doing where i'm going what i'm upto. I know he still cares but he hasnt spoken to me bt getting back yet?

 

Its been a long distance relationship but we see each other every month when i told him id be in his part of the city next week he called me several times hes been calling me after hat to know my plans and what wed be doing over the weekend hes planned movies to partying to dining out together. Also he was very keen on fetching me from the airport to which i put my foot down.

 

Do you think i'm being a door mat for him and that someday he might get another woman and hed leave me for her or is he really confused and he doesnt know if its the right thing to get into at the moment. Do you think if i meet up casually and pretend like i'm over him and hes not THE most important person in my life anymore would that make an impact. After meeting me do you think he would probably change his mind? Do you think meeting up makes a difference?

[adamt]

Block his calls or change your number. Just tell him you cant be friends. just delete all voice messages and texts before listening or reading them.

 

Sounds like you will be put in the "friends shelf" unless you cut all contact.

What good is going to come out of just keeping intouch. if you can handle being friends then fine. what happens if he suddenly finds someone else and drops you ?

cutting all contact may not bring him back but it will increase your chances

 

Personally i wouldnt meet up unless it is him wanting to talk about the relationship and fix things.

 

you should not put your life on hold

[scar1985]

Also when we broke up i would keep calling him and texting him and persuading him to get back but each time i did that he would get pissed off even more. When we met last i even made him a card and wrote him a letter for patching up things but he didnt want to give it another chance because he was scared that something might come up again for which it might lead to a small argument which he didnt want. For which he said even giving it another chance would not help becuase today or tomorrow something is bound to come up again and when it does he would again lose his temper and yell and there is nothing he can do about it and so it is best as being friends.

 

IVe stopped calling him completely but for the past 2-3 days hes been calling me up infact he calls in every 2-3 hours and We talk casually but nothing about us. I know he still cares but he hasnt spoken to me about getting back yet.You think he still loves me?

 

Well id planned to meet him this weekend and wait for him to talk about US. And once i'm back if he still doesnt talk id just get outa the picture no calls no texting totally dissappear ..disseaper in thin air and cease to exist

 

i'm just scared i don't want to lose him

 

Do you think its alright if i did that? i'm excited to meet him

[scar1985]

He called me twice i rejected his calls saying i'm in a meeting. Hes been msging me asking me what meeting and where i am. What do i do? should i just talk to him normally like we have been doing? I need major help in here

[adamt]

I would just ignore a couple more calls/text. then after while just text him back asking what he wants. unless he wants to work things out then just keep ignoring. let him bring up the relationship not you. if he catches you on the phone keep it brief and then say you have to go as you are going out or something.

 

Dont give in until he tells you he wants to work things out.

 

You have to make him feel he has lost you and you are moving on and he misses you as a girlfriend. Just remember how much he has hurt you. you dont want to go throuigh that again

[scar1985]

thanxxx a ton for ur help. I really needed it and i'm gona follow the NC from now however i still want to meet him probably itd be my last time until he talks about it. I'm planning to cancel my tickets but what if he plans to talk about us when we meet up this weekend and he doent wanna talk about it over the phone. What if he plans to suprise me with it? what if hes giving it a week before he can talk about it? Should i just go this would be my last attempt to win him back and it would just help clear all the doubts in my head. And this time for sure i know if he doesnt talk about it then its time to just "MOVE ON" and "LET GO".

 

I have been having this debate with myself the entire day.

[scar1985]

Am i being too optimistic about the whole thing. Every time he calls or texts is it a good signal.

[adamt]

Am i being too optimistic about the whole thing. Every time he calls or texts is it a good signal.

 

I would say it is only a good sign if off his own back he wants to fix things. at the moment nothing has changed you are broken up. that is the reality. until he wants to fix things between you that situation will not change.

 

i would not meet up unless you can handle your emotions. Because if you build your hopes up and hear something you dont like then that will hurt you. You need to find out if he is just wanting to be friends or more than that. the more unavailable you become for him the more he may want you(thats if he still wants you)

 

if i was in your situation, up to some point i would want to know where things are going because you have broken up but he still wants control over you.

 

Keep it as low contact if that helps but dont let him know too much about what you are doing

[Thomas X Forever]

You want him back because he bruised your mind by letting you go in the manner he has. I don't think you want him back deep down, but rather you want that feeling to go away.

[scar1985]

its been ova a month now and ive managed to get a grip on myself. So much so i dont take the initiative of calling or texting i talk to him only if he calls. Ive been refraining from doing anything. Everytime we talk i make it a point to keep the conversation light and humourous. I dont show him even a wee bi t dat i still miss his presence. I think im ready to meet him and id be able to handle my emotions. I think its important for me to knw what he feels about us even after a month i dont want to keep thinking that maybe after a few months hed come back and live under that hope and there are chances of reconciliation..i dont think i want to be friends with him at all its either us or nothing at all..Hes said a NO thrice already (so it cant get any worse) but thats until i was initiating evrything but in the past 3 days things have been different we both long to talk to each other and it feels great toking to him I am being strong but at the same time i want to put my point across. Give it one last attempt its not going to get worse nyway and get it out of my system once and for all. If he doesn talk about it then i knw 4 sure hes really not worth the efforts im putting in and i just hav to move on

[scar1985]

well no thats not true. It has been over a month ive been strong all this while but i cant seem to stop thinking about him and i do really love him. Initially i thought it was just because he broke up with me so i wanted him back. I withdrew completely and followed the nc but despite all that i still miss him. Besides hes the one taking all the initative now hes the one chasing

[Thomas X Forever]

He may be "Chasing" but he has made it clear he doesn't want to be anything more than friends, right?

 

I have trouble accepting why you would legitimately want someone back who screams at you, fights over nothing, etc.

Logically and psychologically, the answer is that it's because he talked down to you this way, that you perceive him to be worthy. You perceive him to be what you need.

Or, you just want him back because he has bruised your ego. You want him back to quell that feeling, like you ARE good enough.

 

There is a lot of psychology and logic behind it, but I surely won't accept you want him back because he's a good person. You've made it clear from your posts that he ISN'T that.

[scar1985]

Well i guess you're sort of right but it isn't really the ego. No doubt i hate him every bit when he yells and screams for no reason and when i have to always bend down and appologise even when i know i'm not at fault for the sake of not getting into an argument but deep down i still really feel for him and we've spent some really good times together. We met two weeks ago and we did all the things we like doing everytime we meet it feels like the first time we met. It feels great.

 

This is about 4 days back when he yelled at me for no reason until now i was taking it all but for the 1st time i gave it back to him and put down on him. I sent him a text saying when you can talk to me with respect we shall talk then you have no right to talk to me like that and i'm not gonna take it. So we shall talk when you can talk properly. He didnt reply back neither did he call me back. To my suprise he called up the next day appologising for what hed done and since then hes been talking to me very nicely.

 

I don't know if this means that hes reconsidering his decision and he might want to get back. I really want to meet him this weekend so that m sure in my head whether i really want this or not and if hes willing to sort it out. If he doesnt talk about it at all i know for sure i have to move on and just stop taking his calls or even replying back to his texts. Do you think i can take the chance ?

[adamt]

well no thats not true. It has been over a month ive been strong all this while but i cant seem to stop thinking about him and i do really love him. Initially i thought it was just because he broke up with me so i wanted him back. I withdrew completely and followed the nc but despite all that i still miss him. Besides hes the one taking all the initative now hes the one chasing

 

It sounds like you aren't ready emotionally to meet him face to face. I have days where i think i am strong then other days where i would be knacked if i talked to her in person. If he wants to get back with you then he would make that clear in a text or email if you make yourself unavailable in person. you really do need to stop being easy to contact. sounds like when he is feeling a bit lonely/bored he can pick up the phone and knows you will respond.

 

Until he says the magic words "Can we get back together" then the situation wil not change. you have the power to change it and take control by not responding. You cant carry on like if you keep responding so the alternative is to just text or call him and be blunt and ask him why he is really contacting you when broke up. what does he really want.

[Thomas X Forever]

Well, you've been talking and keeping contact, so meeting one more time isn't going to cause any drastic new pain for the time being. You're still in the contact phase.

 

So yeah, meet up with him this weekend. Then cut him off if that's what needs to be done. (And in my opinion, it does). Although people can change, they don't change so quickly. It took me an unholy amount of introspection and psychology in order for me to slowly and surely change who I was at a deep level. And your ex surely hasn't done that, not this fast at least. So you're probably going to end up wanting to go full NC and moving on after this weekend.

 

But at least you'll know that for yourself, once you hang out.

[scar1985]

Thanks man! uve been of great help indeed. Thanks guys i don't think id have ever managed to sort this out myself. You guys have just sorted all my problems for which ive been debating over days. I'm glad i came across this site.

 

I guess i'm all sorted now and i know exactly whats to be done and what id really have to do once i get back. Got all my fingers crossed and i just hope it all works out well and i just hope he comes back.

[scar1985]

This might just sound really stupid but just wanted to know what are my chances of winning him back. An honest opinion

 

1. Do you think hes gonna come back?

2. If i follow the NC do you think hes gonna go away?

 

I'm scared and i don't wanna lose him

[Thomas X Forever]

I'm convinced this is a terrible match up, no offense, and that heartbreak IS inevitable. You're only prolonging it. The only reason I told you to meet, is because you have nothing to lose, since you've already been in contact.

 

The chances of this relationship being successful? I'd say somewhere in the 2% and 5% range.

[scar1985]

hummm ok well now that i know my chances i'm not gonna reach push it or go outa my way to do everything which i intended to. To be honest the only reason i'm meeting him is because it might just get old memories back and it might make him reconsider his decision.

 

Why would he be really excited about meeting me if he didnt care? or why would he keep calling me even though i don't call him. This is the only thing thats really confusing me. If he didnt care and when v're just friends why would he call me up several times a day even when hes at work.

[adamt]

I think the chances of getting back are very slim

 

he may care about you but only as a friend.

 

he keeps calling you but never mentions about wanting to fix things and get back together.

 

If you do meet him dont go with any expectations. I have a feeling you will end up hurt afterwards. But you might need to get hurt to begin to move on.

 

Post on here on what happens if you can

[scar1985]

I planned an entire suprise for him this weekend without really expecting anything back in return. But an hr ago he called up and we fought over a very stupid issue and he asked me to shut the **** up when i tried telling him my point. Hes always been rude and ive been taking it all this while without saying a word now he really thinks its his birth right and he can say what he likes and can get away with it.

 

Just because i really love him it certainly doesn't give him the right to behave like this scream yell and hang up. I gota have some self respect and stand up for myself. If i don't do it now id never be able to do it and not just him everyone who comes would just take advantage do the same and walk away it could even be just a friend. And ive decided to move on and put it to a complete end i text him for parting in a good note and this is really the best for us atleast for me. I cant possibly go through this everyday.

 

Initially i told him i was coming to see him and that i also had work coz i didnt want him to know the truth that i was coming to only see him didnt want to sound stupid,desperate or make him feel important in anyway. But since ive decided to move on finally i just had to tell him everythin i always have. all he told me was i'm full of lies it doesnt really matter what he says or thinks coz at the bottom of my heart i know all that i was doing for him just to win him back widout sounding stupid. Besides i didnt even know if hed have even come back but m glad wen i told him the truth bt the suprise bt how stupid i was to thinking of us getting bak and that i was coming only for him he said he wouldnt have ever spoken about it and to get that straight in my head.

 

He really isnt worth it and seriously doesnt derseve all the efforts ive been putting for him. It hurts but i'm just feeling really relieved and glad that he told me this else id have been wondering foreva and waiting for him to talk about us. Now i'm sure i'm moving on

[gd26]

This guy is completely not worth it. You have to stop telling yourself that you love him. Imagine if he was the same person but female. Would you allow any of your female friends to treat you like this and be abusive in this way, and stick with her because you love your female friend? Of course not. The only reason you have been hanging on to this guy is because you are scared of not having a life companion and of being alone.

 

Think about this... if there was another guy out there who was attractive and kind and wonderful and cared for you deeply, would you have any problem trading in your jerk ex for this wonderful person? Of course you'd be so happy to have the new person who loves you, that you wouldn't care anything for your ex. The problem is that you haven't yet found a wonderful guy who loves you, so you are still all stuck over the ex. You have to realize that he treats you HORRIBLY and you don't deserve that. Don't be afraid of losing him. Losing him is a great thing, as you don't have to worry anymore about someone who is treating you badly. It might be scary to be alone, but you have to find the strength within you to be strong until you find someone else much better. This guy does nothing but cause pain. Why would you want to get someone back who treats you terribly and doesn't care about you? Don't you think you are worth being with someone who loves you sincerely? Please find the strength to walk away from this man. Never pick up any of his phone calls and block his emails. He isn't worth your time. The sooner you can move away from him, the faster you have the chance to open yourself up to someone much better.

[adamt]

I am glad you have finally called it quits. it wil save you a lot of heart ache and time wasting. You took control to end contact. Just ignore him form now on. you deserve better. the sooner you get over him the sooner you can find someone who deserves you.