utterer of lies Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I want God to take pity on me and fix my ****ed-up life. But he won't. I just want to be happy, is that too much to ask for. For you, at the moment? Yes.
Bejita463 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I want to go back in time and not **** up. There have been times I have wanted that as well, but you won't be able to see where you are walking if you keep looking backwards.
Cora Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 You are probably right....you did **** things up. But you know what? I **** things up as well. We all do. It's a part of life and we all learn from it. As for the soulmates thing....I don't believe in that crap. There isn't someone for everyone. Some people are just gonna end up alone. That's all there is to it. Just gotta suck it up and move on. Deal with what life hands you and make it better the best way you know how. Time will pass and things will get better. Things are not always as black and white as they appear. Have a little faith and hang in there!
Author imakemistakes Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 There have been times I have wanted that as well, but you won't be able to see where you are walking if you keep looking backwards. But my singular decisions **** up the major course of my life. **** IT UP COMPLETELY. I need these thoughts to stop man, I am slowly going insane. I think I need anti-depressants.
Bejita463 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 But my singular decisions **** up the major course of my life. **** IT UP COMPLETELY. What direction did those decisions get made at, past or future? Again, you can't see where you are going looking backwards.
Left in a Lurch Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 But my singular decisions **** up the major course of my life. **** IT UP COMPLETELY. I need these thoughts to stop man, I am slowly going insane. I think I need anti-depressants. I call shenanigans.
Author imakemistakes Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 I call shenanigans. I'm not lying. I am in deep psychological pain.
GorillaTheater Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I'm not lying. I am in deep psychological pain. I believe you. But how you deal with that is up to you. You may want to consider counseling to help you process that pain. You show alot of regret, but what are you going to do with that regret? If you wallow in it, and don't use that regret to CHANGE, your regret and pain is pointless. So what do you need to change?
Left in a Lurch Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Well that doesn't explain why you are being argumentative and typing #### this and #### that, or trying to instigate on other threads by calling people perverts, on a subject unrelated to this. It seems like you are baiting people to start an argument to prove how sad you think your life is, and then you go on another thread and insult people. You are looking for a fight and wasting everyone's time.
Author imakemistakes Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Well that doesn't explain why you are being argumentative and typing #### this and #### that, or trying to instigate on other threads by calling people perverts, on a subject unrelated to this. It seems like you are baiting people to start an argument to prove how sad you think your life is, and then you go on another thread and insult people. You are looking for a fight and wasting everyone's time. Life is unfair. I am frustrated. I can;t handle these tools and their pointless "does she like me" crap. I HAVE ****ED MY ENTIRE LIFE UP WITH 2 DECISIONS. WHAT KIND OF ****ING PRICK MUST I BE TO SABOTAGE MY OWN LIFE... WHY CANT I GO BACK IN TIME AND FIX IT. And now she's getting married... oh ****, I think I'm going to be sick.
espec10001 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Woah man, get a grip. No girl is worth making yourself sick over. There are millions of other girls in the world you know?
Author imakemistakes Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Woah man, get a grip. No girl is worth making yourself sick over. There are millions of other girls in the world you know? I love her though. ****, she's probably ****ed him. ****, ****, ****. I think I'm going to throw up.
Lucky_One Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Why don't you get off the PC in the library, and go find your priest or minister and talk to him about this? Or just go walk into a random church and sit and pray awhile? Rather than blame God for your pain, why not go start a dialogue with Him?
paddington bear Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Life is unfair. I am frustrated. I can;t handle these tools and their pointless "does she like me" crap. I HAVE ****ED MY ENTIRE LIFE UP WITH 2 DECISIONS. WHAT KIND OF ****ING PRICK MUST I BE TO SABOTAGE MY OWN LIFE... WHY CANT I GO BACK IN TIME AND FIX IT. And now she's getting married... oh ****, I think I'm going to be sick. Ok, so I've been though one of the worst periods of my life over the last few months and went through exactly the same as you 'waaaah, I'm so alone!' 'Waaaaah, life is unfair' 'Waaah, I made stupid stupid choices and now I'm reaping the pain and suffering of it'. Firstly. Ask yourself truly and honestly if you hadn't made those decisions, whatever they were, how things would have been different? Seriously. Maybe things would not be that different. If she's marrying someone else, then all this soulmate business is, as you mentioned in your 1st post, one-sided and this would have merely happened at a later date anyway. If someone else can win her heart and she wants to marry him, then whether you decided to do or say something or not, it might not have made any difference. If she loved you, she would still be with you. That is what a friend of mine drummed into my head 'true love is that I know he loves me no matter what, if I'm in a bad mood, he still loves me, if I say something stupid, he still loves me'. Bit of a revelation that you can be yourself and have someone still love you. My point is that this woman obviously didn't, maybe she did once, but not enough and now she's moved on, and there's nothing you could have done about it. Stop beating yourself over the head. You did and said things at the time to do with the circumstances at that time. Now you have new information and wish you hadn't. But you have to forgive yourself. You did your best at the time, maybe it was wrong or.... Maybe you need to look at this another way. You have freed yourself from someone who could never be with you as your soulmate, since you talk about God, maybe she was fated never to be with you and now you are free to find the one that you were meant to be with. Bless her and thank her for allowing you to get on with your life and find the right person for you instead of wasting time with someone who wasn't meant for you, no matter how much it seems like she was right now. Stop hating her and stop hating yourself. What I've realised is that yes, life is unfair. But also that I've no control over that. I've no control over what other people do. I've no control over what I did or said in the past. The only control I have is over my own behaviour right now in this moment in time. That might sound defeatist, but if you look at it another way, it's really free-ing. Think about (other than her) what you want right now. Not to feel so crap. Not to be so miserable. Not to think back and wish you'd done things differently. Now work out how you can stop feeling crap and stop feeling miserable and stop thinking about the past, which you cannot change. Right now, I would go for distractions of any kind. Movies, sport, anything at all that will stop your brain from thinking about this. You have to somehow accept that you can't change this scenario. It's horrible, but that's the truth, when you realise that you can't change her decision to marry someone else then you can start to think about making yourself happy and moving on.
ON MY OWN Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Nobody cares though. The majority of the world is inhabited by happy peons who revel in their own bull**** daily exercises in futility while I'm watching Rome burn. I'm ****ing isolated right now. I can't escape and I'm hurting. All everyone says is, "get over it". Well **** off peons, how do you get over the fact that your life is ****ED. Screwed. Gone. Destroyed. ****ED. What does someone do when they've lost everything? They can't rebuild if everything is gone. All they can do is stoically let the pain spread over them like waves. Nobody cares? Simply NOT true. We would not be responding to your thread if we didnt care about one another. Thats why we are here. It is ACTUALLY called THE CHAIN OF LOVE? Anyone else on here understand this concept? Also IF you are feeling THIS bad, can you see a counselor? Please let me know I would like to help. Need a shoulder? I can safely say thats what we are all on LS for just at different stages of healing in our lives. Some are further than others. Have a wonderful day!!!
Left in a Lurch Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Life is unfair. I am frustrated. I can;t handle these tools and their pointless "does she like me" crap. I HAVE ****ED MY ENTIRE LIFE UP WITH 2 DECISIONS. WHAT KIND OF ****ING PRICK MUST I BE TO SABOTAGE MY OWN LIFE... WHY CANT I GO BACK IN TIME AND FIX IT. And now she's getting married... oh ****, I think I'm going to be sick. You need to come back down to earth and not blow your problems out of proportion. Once you are able to do that and think rationally, it will be a good start. If you can't do that, someone said it above, seek professional help. Right now you do not appear to be thinking very rationally and should not make any decisions until you can.
ON MY OWN Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I want to go back in time and not **** up. I want God to take pity on me and fix my ****ed-up life. I just want to be happy, is that too much to ask for. You CANNOT go back in time. It is NOT possible. You have got to come to terms with your situation. If you start the healing now, you will find that you will slowly start feeling better little by little and will be grateful you did it. I was supposed to be married in September and he is marrying another woman in December. I have had plenty of bad days and horrible nights but I know I am a lovely woman who truly cares about others and he doesnt deserve me. Did you ever think that maybe she doesnt deserve you? Because unless your a full blown mean individual, people would normally stick it out through good times and bad. If they dont its their loss.
13arkansas Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Stop complaining, you've complained for pages already. Go do something constructive and also get over yourself: watching Rome burn? Please...a girl dumped you - it's hardly Rome burning, is it? I had sympathy for you until I read all your comments and now I've decided that giving you sympathy is a waste as it just fuels your ability to feel sorry for yourself and I think you're doing a bit too much of that!
motive2002 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 OP: We've all been where you are at one point or another.. in varying degrees of suffering. Wallowing in the mire, so to speak. If you were the only one to ever experience this type of pain (which I can assure you, you're not) this site wouldn't exist and you would truly be isolated. Once you see this as not a loss, but an opportunity to find someone who will be better for you, you'll be on a much clearer path. You can be depressed for a while, and that's ok. Just don't hang out in your funk for too long. Life will go on whether you choose to participate in it or not. There are lots of good times to be had. I promise.
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