Thornton Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Personally, I would never date a man with children, regardless of how wonderful, nice, ect. he is. There's too much excess baggage. Like why would I want that if I have the option to date someone with no attachments. And if I was a man, same thing... The problem is, you can't choose who you fall in love with! You may meet a wonderful man who is handsome and intelligent and fun to be with, who just happens to have kids, and he may be so great that you know you won't meet anyone else who's as nice as he is. If you love someone you have a choice between whether to accept the fact they have kids or whether to dump them and break your own heart and theirs. Another guy may have no kids, but he may not be so nice as the guy who does... then you have a decision to make about whether the guy's wonderfulness is enough to compensate for the fact he has kids. This balance depends very much on how much those kids impact on your life: not at all in my case, but a great deal in the case of someone who has custody. Perhaps someone who has kids of their own would be more tolerant of someone else's kids, but someone who has no kids can't be expected to be a ready-made parent, particularly in a case like mine where my bf's kids are teenagers and I'm a 20-something who is still enjoying life... plus they already have a (much older) mother who is in a better position to be their parent.
AlektraClementine Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Personally I would rather date a single non-parent than a single parent, for the reasons listed in the first paragraph, but if you meet someone you really like it's a shame to miss out on that relationship just because they have kids; you may not meet a non-parent who you like as much. My bf has kids, but fortunately they don't live with him and he only sees them one afternoon every two weeks, so they don't infringe upon our freedom. If he had custody I definitely wouldn't date him though, so I can see why some men are less keen to date single mothers because they usually have custody. Plus my bf is the same now as before he had kids - I don't mean to be rude, but surely a woman can't be the same physiologically after she's squeezed out a couple of kids? Whoa. Wait a minute. What do you mean "not the same psychologically"? I'd like to add 2 cents here. I would never date a man who didn't fight to see his kids more than once every two weeks. I know it sounds like I'm being rude. Sorry if it comes off that way.
angie2443 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 As it stands, he drives off to see them for the day every few weeks, and I stay in the city and have a pampering day at the health club. What a crappy father!
Thornton Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Whoa. Wait a minute. What do you mean "not the same psychologically"? Physiologically, not psychologically. As in, surely you can't be as physically trim after childbirth as before, inside and out... not to be crude but when I got my diaphragm my doctor said if I ever had kids I'd have to come back and swap it for a bigger size. Such physical changes obviously don't apply to the father. I'm curious to know whether this bothers men when they date a woman with kids? What a crappy father! Do you mean me for not going to visit the kids with him, or him for only seeing them once every two weeks? If you mean the latter, it suits me fine, because if he saw them more often I wouldn't be able to date him.
AlektraClementine Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Physiologically, not psychologically. As in, surely you can't be as physically trim after childbirth as before, inside and out... not to be crude but when I got my diaphragm my doctor said if I ever had kids I'd have to come back and swap it for a bigger size. Such physical changes obviously don't apply to the father. Hmm. I'm not sure what medical people you've dealt with, but I know plenty of women who've had children who are plenty "trim". Some trimmer than before bearing children. And. Ever hear of kegels? And anyway, what is it exactly that you are insinuating? That women who haven't had children are some how hotter, or more fun to have sex with? Your boyfriend does not fit the idea I have for the ideal father. There's something to be said for the character of a man who invests his time in his children and is a big part of their lives. I get that you don't care because your needs are currently being met. But I hope you don't expect much out of this guy.
Thornton Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I would like to respond, but I think the OP's thread has been hijacked enough. He wanted to know how dating a woman with kids might impact upon his life.
sally4sara Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Physiologically, not psychologically. As in, surely you can't be as physically trim after childbirth as before, inside and out... not to be crude but when I got my diaphragm my doctor said if I ever had kids I'd have to come back and swap it for a bigger size. Such physical changes obviously don't apply to the father. I'm curious to know whether this bothers men when they date a woman with kids? Do you mean me for not going to visit the kids with him, or him for only seeing them once every two weeks? If you mean the latter, it suits me fine, because if he saw them more often I wouldn't be able to date him. You're a woman? Then there is no excuse for you to not know how the female body works. Your diaphragm fits over your CERVIX, not your vagina. Your BF has a long way to go to even get close to your cervix and I promise you if he started screwing your cervix you would NOT enjoy it! Your cervix is the opening to your uterus - where the baby grows. Since you can have sex while pregnant it makes no sense to believe the size of your cervix is going to effect the sensation for a man.
sally4sara Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I would like to respond, but I think the OP's thread has been hijacked enough. He wanted to know how dating a woman with kids might impact upon his life. Then maybe we shouldn't give him wrong advise? Like.....that her cervix won't feel good to him because she had a baby!
AlektraClementine Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I would like to respond, but I think the OP's thread has been hijacked enough. He wanted to know how dating a woman with kids might impact upon his life. You're absolutely right. Sorry OP for threadjacking, really.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 They don't need another mother, they have one already. Plus I'm too young to be their mother anyway. Occasionally I'll accompany my bf when he goes to visit them (maybe once every few months) and at other times I'll send a gift of candy or books or something. They speak to me on the phone occasionally and we have a very civil relationship. But I'm not in a position to be a parent to them, geographically or otherwise. Oh, you totally took that the wrong way. I was referencing you not having the desire for children of your own... I don't expect you to be mom to grown kids that already have a mother. That was more about your lack of feeling for kids in general. What kind of comment is that? They're teenagers, they don't need a second mother. See above. It made sense in my mind... it must have lost some clarity somewhere between brain and fingertips.
Thornton Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Oh, you totally took that the wrong way. I was referencing you not having the desire for children of your own... I don't expect you to be mom to grown kids that already have a mother. That was more about your lack of feeling for kids in general. I don't have a lack of feeling for kids in general, I'm sure I'd love my own kids very much when I'm at a position in my life where I want them. But those kids aren't mine, I hardly ever see them and they don't need me to be their mother. Your diaphragm fits over your CERVIX, not your vagina. After giving birth vaginally a woman needs a larger diaphragm. My friend had a baby last year, and her bf says that since giving birth her vagina makes the Channel Tunnel look like a Smartie tube
sally4sara Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 I don't have a lack of feeling for kids in general, I'm sure I'd love my own kids very much when I'm at a position in my life where I want them. But those kids aren't mine, I hardly ever see them and they don't need me to be their mother. After giving birth vaginally a woman needs a larger diaphragm. My friend had a baby last year, and her bf says that since giving birth her vagina makes the Channel Tunnel look like a Smartie tube Dear, It doesn't matter what your friend's BF said (as honorable as he sounds to begin with for sharing that with you ) a diaphragm is for your cervix - not your vagina. I didn't make this up; it is just a medical fact. No one is having sex with anyone's cervix around here. http://www.womenshealthmatters.ca/graphics/photos/sex/fb_internal.gif
LovieDove24 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Sorry to the OP but I gotta ask, Thorton, how can you be comfortable with a man who does not love his children enough to fight to see them more often?! Once an afternoon every two weeks shows quite a lack of commitment or bond IMO.
Thornton Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 Sorry to the OP but I gotta ask, Thorton, how can you be comfortable with a man who does not love his children enough to fight to see them more often?! Once an afternoon every two weeks shows quite a lack of commitment or bond IMO. I guess he would see them more if they lived nearby. But he lives in the city and has a good job and lifestyle... the kids live in a small town well over a hundred miles away from the city, where he couldn't get a decent job or enjoy himself socially. So you're talking about giving up his lifestyle and wasting his education, plus losing his chances of finding a relationship that makes him happy, just to live near his kids, and then when they're grown up they'll move away and he'll be left alone having already wasted his life and opportunities being stuck in their small town. He said that sometimes there comes a point where you have to draw a line under what you do for others and focus on what you need to do for yourself... wasting his life stuck in their small town would be too much of a sacrifice. Plus I don't think his ex is too helpful when it comes to access anyway.
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