Thoughts On My Situation

[mariner1011]

To all:

 

Any opinions one can shine on my situation would be greatly appreciated. A woman's perspective would be preferred but if the gentlemen out there have some wise words/comments, I would not mind hearing that as well. I will try to make this short as possible but with enough detail in order to get a good grasp on what's going on with me and my love interest.

 

I met this girl about a year and a half ago playing an outdoor curricular activity. She is 24 and I am 27. I always thought she was cute and probably had a crush on her (maybe on a subconscious level). I said probably because I never really considered dating her because she is very friendly, relatively quiet and talks to everyone. So whenever we talked, I thought she was being friendly and never thought much more of it.

 

So as 1.5 years go on, I see her sometimes twice a week at this outdoor activity. Sometimes not if one of us is busy but she comes enough where I recognize her. We talk out on the field when we are not playing during breaks and after the games are done but nothing to really get to know a person. Maybe a 'Hi, how are you doing?' 'How's your week?', 'How's work?', blah blah small talk stuff. I probably have seen her 3 or 4 times outside this activity also.

 

So fast forward to early June (a month ago), we finish playing one evening. Eventually, everyone leaves except the two of us. This was not planned on my part nor I am sure it was by her. We start chatting for a while (say like an hour). A lot bulb starts to go off because we never talked like this before and then she says, 'We should hangout sometime?'. And then, it starts to become apparent that this girl likes me. So, I give her my cell so she can enter her #. When I got home, I texted her that I had a good time talking to her and we should hang out sometinme. She replies back 'Good talking to you too. Good night!'.

 

So far, I am thinking there is a good chance this girl likes me but I want to make sure before I ask her out. Like I said previously, she is a friendly girl and I didn't want to assume something incorrectly that she was putting out. I meet her the next time we play. The games end. She, another girl that was playing and I are waking away together from the field. The other girl eventually goes her way. She and I walk to the store. Along the way, she mentions taking a trip somewhere and that maybe if they had space in the car, I could tag along. I said that would be great. Right then and there, I knew this girl liked me for sure and wasn't being ambiguous about it. I leave her at the store.

 

A few days later after the encounter, I texted her that we should go see a movie. Eventually, we settle on a date to see the movie. I hold her hand at the theatre. She massages my hand while I am holding hers. After the movie, she invites me into her house for a cup of tea.

 

OK, now to condense some here. It's been 4 weeks since our first date. We have seen each other about 8 times. I don't call or text her everyday. I maybe talk to her every 2 to 3 days on average. And when I do, it's not long. It's just to setup the next date and make with some good small talk. I perfer to save the convo for when we are in person so we have stuff to chat about. I have prett much done the majority of all the initiating (setting up the dates), but she has asked to do this and that when I planned for us to do something. So she contributes. She has also invited me to 2 or 3 events on her own. She has introduced me to several of her friends as well. No parents yet. Not sure if this revelant, she is Jewish and I am not. I am Catholic. (Not sure if this info will be revelant for what's coming up). I didn't realized this until we started dating. It matters to me not and I don't think to her as well as far as I can tell. We have kissed/madeout/taken our shirts off and kissed each other bodies. There hasn't been any sex and pants have always stayed on, although I have caressed her legs. It took about 2.5 weeks to see her room. I never forced her to do anything she doesnt want to do. I let her pushed me onto her bed, etc. I always reciprocated her actions with my own. Basically, I followed her lead just to make sure I am not going too far. I respect her but I certainly do want her. After we make out and just mess around, we cuddle for a bit and if it is late at night, she makes me go home. She does not do it in a rude way but I guess she doesn't feel comfortable with me sleeping in the same bed as her overnight. That's fine. I respect her wishes.

 

If you got this far, thanks. So one of the dates involved going to one of her friends' birtday party. Of course, pictures are taken and one of them happened to be me holding her from behind around her waist with a couple of other people in the picture. The author of the picture tags her in two photos on facebook. The one I just described and one with her and a group of female friends. I noticed this recently one morning when I woke up. The next day, she detags herself from the pic of me holding her (I was never tagged in this pic btw) and not the other. By doing this, the pic she detags herself in doesn't show up on her profile.

 

Ladies and gents, what do you make of this? I have been getting all the positive signs but why this? Is she embarrassed to be with me or seen with me? Does she not want everyone to know that's friends with her on facebook that we are dating (some of her friends are from the activity we do together and one ex-bf who does not live near her)? Am I just being a petty a**h*le? What say you?

 

Thanks in advance.

[analyzetheworld]

I would say, from your detailed description, that you have gotten to know her well enough to just ask her about it if it is bugging you.

[tigressA]

I don't think it's anything to worry about, honestly. From everything else in your post it sounds like she likes you a lot. Are you two exclusive? Some people are kind of anal about having their friends seeing them in pictures like the one you described if they're not officially dating the person; they don't want everyone asking them, "OOH, who's that guy/girl?! Aren't you dating them; you look all cuddly in that one pic; why are you still listed as single?! What's going on?!" With things like Facebook, MySpace, etc, people are nosy and there are some who want to maintain a level of privacy that allows them to not be nagged about who they appear to be with. That's very likely all she did by untagging herself in that picture.

[mariner1011]

I don't think it's anything to worry about, honestly. From everything else in your post it sounds like she likes you a lot. Are you two exclusive? Some people are kind of anal about having their friends seeing them in pictures like the one you described if they're not officially dating the person; they don't want everyone asking them, "OOH, who's that guy/girl?! Aren't you dating them; you look all cuddly in that one pic; why are you still listed as single?! What's going on?!" With things like Facebook, MySpace, etc, people are nosy and there are some who want to maintain a level of privacy that allows them to not be nagged about who they appear to be with. That's very likely all she did by untagging herself in that picture.

 

Hello tigressA. Thanks for your reply. We are not exclusive. So far, just dating. Only a month it has been.

[tigressA]

Hello tigressA. Thanks for your reply. We are not exclusive. So far, just dating. Only a month it has been.

 

Alright, then. So that probably explains it. Have you talked about becoming exclusive?

[mariner1011]

Alright, then. So that probably explains it. Have you talked about becoming exclusive?

 

No we have not. For some reason, I get the impression she wants to take things slowly. She is very much into her work (she's a journalist for a small paper) and I don't want to come off as moving too fast. For some reason, I don't feel that comfort level with her to go to that next level if that makes sense. It's not that I am scared. I am not. I feel that she doesn't want it in this stage of her life right now if that makes sense?

 

Thanks once again tigressA. I appreciate your rapid responses.

[mariner1011]

Just bumping this since I posted this really late last night. Responses would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[tigressA]

Well, she must not be too much into her work if you two have been hanging out as often as your post says. It's been 4 weeks since your first date and you've seen each other 8 times? That's twice a week on average. That to me shows that she's really interested in you--usually anyone who's busy with their career (unless it's one of those on-call medical deals), if they want to date or have a relationship, they will find the time for it if they really like someone. You "feel" that she doesn't want to go faster than you are right now, but you really won't know how to progress unless you have a talk with her. Ask her where she feels things are going, find out what she wants out of this situation--does she want to be exclusive? Does she want to maintain a casual dating relationship? And hey--what do you want? Do you want to date her exclusively?

[skjd1220]

I agree - it definitely seems like it's time to have that talk with her.

 

Just a little perspective on the 'untagging' situation. I'm a fairly private person and with facebook, I have like 300 of my 'closest' friends viewing my pictures and updates, including family. If I just start dating people but really haven't have the exclusive talk or told my family and friends just yet, I don't want them seeing it through facebook and asking about it. I would have likely untagged that photo too, not meaning any offense to the guy that I'm dating. It would be more not to announce it to the world through that photo. Hopefully that makes sense! Just talk to her about it about I really wouldn't assume that it means anything bad for you dating relationship.

[mariner1011]

You "feel" that she doesn't want to go faster than you are right now, but you really won't know how to progress unless you have a talk with her. Ask her where she feels things are going, find out what she wants out of this situation--does she want to be exclusive? Does she want to maintain a casual dating relationship?

 

I think on our first date it seemed like she wanted to eventually be exclusive. And also from part of that convo, it seemed she wanted to go at a slow and steady pace. I do not think she wants to maintain a casual dating relationship. I think she wants more down the road.

 

And hey--what do you want? Do you want to date her exclusively?

 

I want her and only her. I want to date her excluseively. There is no one I rather be with.

 

I agree - it definitely seems like it's time to have that talk with her.

 

Just a little perspective on the 'untagging' situation...

 

Thanks for responding, skjd1220. I think I will when the time is right. I may wait a little longer when I do feel it is right in order just to be sure.

 

Thanks for your perspective on the 'untagging' situation. She does have 400+ friends on there which includes a brother and some cousins on there. So what you stated in your post to me makes sense. I feel a little better now. Thanks.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm not on Facebook, as I see it as another big time drain (like LS ), so can't speak directly to that, but...

 

It's not that I am scared. I am not.

I don't believe you.

 

What I'm about to say may sound harsh, but I am only trying to help you by giving it to you straight.

 

From the beginning, it took MULTIPLE clear signals on her part for you to make the slightest move. I think she is waiting for you to take the lead on exclusivity, getting physical, and everything else. She wants a guy who is confident in himself and who SHOWS her that he wants her and her alone. I get the impression you are pussyfooting around because you are not that confident and sure of yourself, and this probably gives her the impression you are lukewarm about her.

 

She's holding the door open, and you're shuffling your feet, waiting for an invitation to come in. I wouldn't proudly show off a guy like that, either.

[boldjack]

I agree with RS, on this . The girl has allowed you to take your R as far as you want. If you have had half of her clothes off, the only reason that you haven't got the rest of them off, is you.