dior84 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 My ex bf began taking cocaine at age 10 as well as drinking and having sex. His parents sent him to a rehab in grade 9 but when he got out he became a dealer and ended up doing time in jail. When he got out he went back to his old ways and ended up leaving a bad breakup of a 3yr relationship/family/friends all behind due to owing people money and the consequences he’d face if he stayed. He moved back to the city where we went to school 10 years later and begged to take me on a date. I was hesitant because he was so bad as a kid and we weren’t friends but I eventually went and fell in love. Their were so many ups and downs in the relationship taking money from me, selling his possessions ect. I stuck by him no matter how long he went without talking to me or what he did. I would do anything I could to show how much I cared, gifts, taking him out because he had no $ no job, cards, letters you name it I tried it. I took him on a carribean vacation and a week after we got home I was waiting for him to come over and he broke up with me when I called to ask where he was. For almost a month he’d call me on wknds saying he called me by accident b*tch and hang up. When I finally received a nice call he told me he was trying to make me hate him, it was his plan, he had wanted me to tell him to F off, but all I ever said were nice things and he couldn’t understand why I want to talk to him. Things had been good for about 2 months minus the fact he was still hard into cocaine/drinking that of which come before anything else any chance he gets. He always will choose going on benders with his friends over seeing me or any other normal activity. We were talking about what good terms we were on and planning a summer vacation a few days ago when 2 days later I call him and he txts saying “I have a girlfriend” when I called him he was with his friends prob 3 days without sleep on a drug/alch spree, I was so shocked and upset, he just told me not to call him, stay the F away from his family ect. I don’t believe he has a gf because I know him well enough to know we wouldn’t have spoke for the last few months if that was the case. I just don’t understand how addicts can abrubtly change their minds so quick and lash out for NO reason! I am so hurt and not stupid, I am not happy when we are together because all he wants to do is drugs or drink (which I only drink) but when I am apart from him or know he wont speak to me I am so upset, it hurts to see him do this to himself.. what should I do? He always says things like " i wont be around for long" "everyone knows ill die from drugs or alchohol" "i dont want to stop doing cocaine, its just who i am" "when hes doing the drug he says he doesnt care about ne thing else except continuing to party" he eventually calms down when the high is over but he paces around cant sit still mumbles, looks through windows freaks out its so scary
mark982 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 lady, quit tring to understand his mind,cause it's to far gone. he's told you he has no intention of quitting drugs or the booze. so why are you fretting yourself over him? you're going to have to wash your hands of this one,before he drags you down to his level(or jail)
sugarmomma Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Only if you want to drive yourself crazy, should you try to understand the mind of an addict. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS PERSON. HE WILL RUIN YOU MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. You should be trying to understand what it is about YOU that is attracted to someone so sick and dysfunctional. What are your issues? Why do you even want to waste your time with someone so reckless?
Island Girl Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Only if you want to drive yourself crazy, should you try to understand the mind of an addict. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS PERSON. HE WILL RUIN YOU MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. You should be trying to understand what it is about YOU that is attracted to someone so sick and dysfunctional. What are your issues? Why do you even want to waste your time with someone so reckless? All of the above is true. If you are dealing with an addict who is using you are NEVER relating to him. You don't even know HIM. He has been using so long you are interacting with the drugs not HIM. People are often surprised at who comes out of a treatment center because it isn't the person they thought they knew. Their whole personality and demeanor are different. Also the brain basically stops normal development at the time the drugs started for as long as the addict is using. So right now you are dating a 10 year old. That is his mental development level. He is not willing to seek help and that is the only way he will get any better. You must MUST leave him alone -- get the hell away from him or he will ruin your life but good!
dkny27 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't change it. As much as it might hurt, let him go. I just wasted 2 years of my life on my ex-abf. He was using me at the end and i should have walked away a long time ago. Now I am trying to put the pieces of my heart back together.
dkny27 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 This was posted on another site I go on...maybe it will help u understand a little better. What Addicts Do My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you. My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you. My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action. And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again. Stop being surprised. I am an addict. And that's what addicts do. __________________
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