frankiej Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 live in Arkansas. I am in a relationship with a woman and her 3 yr old daughter. I stay the night over her house all the time and we are thinking about moving in together to save money. Her ex husband says that he is going to take her to court. My girlfriend has full custody. We are trying to figure out if she can get into trouble for us living together and what would happen. On the other hand, He has never paid her child support in the 2 yrs they have been divorce, so i would think that if he took her to court he would probably get in more trouble. What do you guys think about the situation? We just think it is pointless for me to have my own place when i can help her out with have of her bills. I see that Arkansas has a cohabitation law but it doesn't say anything in her decree about not doing it. the only paper she has that says not to co habitat is a suggested visitation schedule that she got from her friend. any help will be great. Thanks!
norajane Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 If he hasn't paid child support in 2 years, the last thing he's going to do it take her to court, and pay a lawyer to do so. Empty threat. He's just pissed and jealous that she's moving on. There's nothing he can do, even if he tried to take her to court. If they're divorced, they're each on their own and free to do whatever.
Owl Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Was there any kind of provision or clause in their divorce contract that stated that she wouldn't have anyone sleep overnight in the house? I've seen a few situations where a BS insisted something along those lines to protect his children from a wife who was cheating on him. But if there's no clause like that in their divorce agreemant, I doubt he's got much to stand on. I'd also ask if she's receiving welfare or food stamps...because having someone live with her (and provide a potential source of income) while she's receiving these could become an issue. If they're divorced...why is her husband upset about what's going on in her life NOW? Doesn't make much sense to me if they're divorced. If they were seperated and he had some hope of reconciliation maybe...
2sure Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 My ex used to take me to court everytime I didnt do what he wanted me to do, like live my life without him. Since he paid no child support and did not want regular visits with our daughter - each trip to court cost him more and more and more. Ive never taken him to court. It has yet to dawn on him how much his spitefulness cost him. Its laughable really and even the courts have acknowledged this.
Author frankiej Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 They have a divorce decree but nothing in that says they can't cohabitat. The only thing that she has that says neither party can not cohabitat unless married is a suggested visitation schedule she got from her friend. She is not collecting any food stamps or welfare. I just think that not paying child support would be worse then someone living with her paying half her bills helping support the child. I think he threatens her about taking her to court for custody so he can still be in control of her someway. I think he would screw himself if he went to court for not paying the child support but i just wanted to make sure
Owl Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 What is this "suggested visitation schedule from a friend"? Is it a document that she (your gf) signed and/or agreed to follow with her ex? Other than that, I'd agree that he's likely to get himself burned if he attempts to take her to court over this and he's got no LEGAL agreemant or documentation preventing cohabitation with someone. Again though...I'm curious...WHY is he insisting on this if they are divorced? The only time I've seen this is when there was a cheating partner involved, and the BS was trying to 'protect' their children from the affair partner. Why do you think he's insisting that you shouldn't be allowed to be there/with her?
Author frankiej Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 I think he is doing this cause he is a control freak. He didn't want the marriage to end but she left him cause they fought everyday they were married. They got married cause she got pregnant and they were married for less then a year. I think he is still pissed cause she left him and he could do nothing about it. The document she signed that they agreed to has nothing about cohabitating but in arkansas it is a state law that you are not supposed to do. He has other kids with his ex wife before but he didn't pay child support then and when she finally took him to court he signed away his rights in a heart beat. I am just hoping he will eventually do it again. He gets the girl every other weekend then he pawns her off on someone to go out partying.
BCCA Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 There are actually still 8 states that prohibit cohibitation between unmarried couples, and 9 states that prohibit pre-marital sex. These laws are antiquated, and seldom enforced, and some might argue - could violate your constitutional rights. In other words, yes it clearly says you arent supposed to, but many people do it all the time and the law is not going to come down on you with full force for doing so. They are just old laws that havent been updated. Back to this guy - he seems like a complete loser. He has other kids, and waived his rights to see them so he didnt have to pay child support? Wow, too bad there isnt a 'biggest bozo' award, he would be a shoe-in. He's just barking at your gf because she seems affraid of him, but why would a deadbeat dad who isnt paying child support drag anyone into court? Especially for something that trivial, seems pretty pathetic. I would ignore him, and see if you can get him to waive his rights with these kids, too. I dont know how big of a loser you would have to be to even consider this, but it looks like this guy doesnt mind.
clv0116 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It's just my opinion of course but I believe cohabiting without marriage is an indication of a severe lack of class in most cases. Why would you do that and not 'go all the way' instead?
trippi1432 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Just some advice on cohabitation versus marriage....pick one or the other, but do not do both! I have been in two relationships now that went from cohabitation to marriage. The first one, cohab for 4 years, married for 1 - divorced with 1 kid. Second time, cohab for 13 years, married for 3 - husband left this week (guess he thought that a marriage license was like a car title and found out he couldn't trade me in). Oh, and another child left in the aftermath. Don't cohab because it is cheaper than having two homes....too many people use this excuse and then find out that they are not compatible after they see the significant other in their true colors. When you want your space, you aren't going to get it....you will be living with a wife and children (yours, hers, ours...etc). When she wants her space, she won't be able to get it either. Life changes, your relationship changes, expectations change, just like marriage. She is today who she is and this is what you are "falling in love" with. You are today who you are and this is what she is "falling in love" with. If the above is true, and you are going into this with your eyes wide open and know that she is the one you want to spend your life with, then just get married instead of cohabitating. You can always do a "cheapie" wedding now and the one that "she" probably wants later. Just my advice from someone with experience.
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