Epsilon Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 My gf and I have been texting a lot over the phone, and got a bit carried away. My bill was quite substantial. "I can't text you so much anymore -- my bill was huge this month" "Really? I have unlimited texts" "Yeah it was like a hundred dollars more. I don't have unlimited." "Oh well you didn't tell me so it's not my fault" "Whoa, chill out, I wasn't blaming you, just saying we shouldn't text so much" I feel like her response to me was overly defensive, and it makes me worry if she's going to be the type to immediately look for a way to divert responsibility or blame. Even though it wasn't her fault, as I did not tell her I was not on unlimited, nor did I hint that there was a previous issue with texting, the fact that she was so quick to say it wasn't her fault even though I had not blamed her for anything really stuck out as a red flag to me. Am I overreacting?
Author Epsilon Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Like I would have expected a "Oh, that sucks! I'll try not to text so much in the future" or something, but instead it was a "I don't care, there's a problem, and I'm just going to push it onto you and take no part in remedying anything" if that makes sense.
Phateless Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 With all due respect, it's your phone, your bill, your responsibility to manage your money. She didn't know. Why don't you just get an unlimited text plan? It's like $15/month.
kizik Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I would see her defensive, unsympathetic reaction as a red flag, yes.
Lyssa Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 With all due respect, it's your phone, your bill, your responsibility to manage your money. She didn't know. Why don't you just get an unlimited text plan? It's like $15/month. That would have saved a lot of money!
JohnnyBlaze Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 In her defense, there are people like that out there. I dated a girl who, if her cell bill went over, would insinuate that I should pay for it and would get downright indignant when I didn't. Needless to say, we didn't last too long. Just let it go, pay the bill, and cut back on the amount of texting. If she complains that you don't text her as much anymore, just remind her of your bill. But not until then.
Author Epsilon Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 I understand that it's my bill and everything, it's her REACTION that set me off. Like her first line of defense was to immediately look for a way to push blame away from herself.
Lyssa Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 "I can't text you so much anymore -- my bill was huge this month" "Really? I have unlimited texts" "Yeah it was like a hundred dollars more. I don't have unlimited." "Oh well you didn't tell me so it's not my fault" "Whoa, chill out, I wasn't blaming you, just saying we shouldn't text so much" Would you still feel like it's a red flag if she said this : "Aaaww... I didn't know you didn't have unlimited. I'm sorry.." or something along those lines. I don't see it as a huge red flag. You know how girls are - we have A LOT to tell our GFs throughout the whole day.
carhill Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Or, gasp, actually use the phone as an aural device
Ruby Slippers Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Yeah, I see that as a pretty significant red flag, too. An appropriate response would have been something like, "Oh, that sucks! Yeah, we can cut back. That's cool." And in some way I would have thanked you for letting me know why you'd be texting less. I don't see it as a deal-breaker, but I would either talk about it or in the very least watch out for a pattern of blaming and shifting responsibility on her part.
JohnnyBlaze Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 My point was that she may know people who have mentioned their bill and then tried to pressure her into paying it for them. She heard the same opening comment that she knew from before and got defensive. It may have been the first time that you said it, but not the first time she heard it. If you whack a dog over the nose with the NY Times every day for a month, he's not going to be relieved just because you walked in one day with the Washington Post. I wouldn't get too worked up over her reaction. As long as you don't dwell on the subject, I doubt she will, either. Definitely keep an eye open for any recurring patterns, but as a one-time incident, I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it.
Author Epsilon Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Would you still feel like it's a red flag if she said this : "Aaaww... I didn't know you didn't have unlimited. I'm sorry.." or something along those lines. I don't see it as a huge red flag. You know how girls are - we have A LOT to tell our GFs throughout the whole day. I would not take that as a red flag.
Author Epsilon Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Yeah, I see that as a pretty significant red flag, too. An appropriate response would have been something like, "Oh, that sucks! Yeah, we can cut back. That's cool." And in some way I would have thanked you for letting me know why you'd be texting less. I don't see it as a deal-breaker, but I would either talk about it or in the very least watch out for a pattern of blaming and shifting responsibility on her part. This felt like a dealbreaker to me for some reason, I had an ex that acted this way too. Always trying to look for a way to push responsibility off as fast as possible. This was really the straw that broke the camel's back, though. This was the same girl I made a thread about before -- she's ALWAYS bored and usually has absolutely nothing to say, and doesn't do anything except stay in her room and leech off her parents. This, to me, just solidifies the idea that she is spoiled and feels like everyone else needs to take care of her (right down to mental stimulation), but also that everyone else needs to be blamed first.
Confusedalways Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Hmm, tricky! Sometimes around 'that time of the month' I feel like everyones trying to blame me for things. Maybe she was particularly moody and felt like she was on the defensive as opposed to the offensive. I have been known to blurt things out like that from time to time, not some of my finer moments. For now I'd say it was forgivable. If that continues, that's another story.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 This was really the straw that broke the camel's back, though. This was the same girl I made a thread about before -- she's ALWAYS bored and usually has absolutely nothing to say, and doesn't do anything except stay in her room and leech off her parents. This, to me, just solidifies the idea that she is spoiled and feels like everyone else needs to take care of her (right down to mental stimulation), but also that everyone else needs to be blamed first. Oh, I missed that thread, so I wasn't aware of the backstory. In light of the new info, she sounds like a lazy, dull princess. I'd kick her to the curb.
Author Epsilon Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Oh, I missed that thread, so I wasn't aware of the backstory. In light of the new info, she sounds like a lazy, dull princess. I'd kick her to the curb. I just did. And I basically got the reactions I expected -- not much at all. She rarely has much to say about damn near anything. "Lazy, dull princess" is RIGHT on the money, in my opinion.
Confusedalways Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 oh, in that case, you did the right thing!!!
Author Epsilon Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Her responses to me were basically "Alright." "Okay." and things of that nature. She didn't even seem to care that I wanted to leave. No argument or anything. Not saying they should, but it just, again, solidifies the idea of her general apathy towards so many things. I don't know if she actually cares and is just passive or if she doesn't really care. She's always showing me pictures of clothing she likes, and they're always hundreds of dollars apiece. She doesn't have money of her own and has never worked... eesh. Couple that with never having any interests, passions, or anything to talk about, and it's just not looking good. I mean, I LOVE computers. I LOVE music and being a musician. I LOVE art. I LOVE mechanics. I LOVE business. I LOVE boating. I LOVE intellectual challenge. I LOVE working out. I LOVE movies and travel. I LOVE news. There are so many things I LOVE to do/talk about and she never has anything to say about any of my passions, nor does she offer anything of her own. She's supposedly into art and music but she never spends time on either. The one time I got her to draw something, she gave up after 5 minutes out of boredom. That was the first time I've broken up with anyone... I feel a bit mean but at the same time I feel like it was necessary. It wasn't a good match, for me or for her, I think.
donnamaybe Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Yay for dumping the boring b*tch! Good gawd, no kidding! Ick RE: she's never worked (princess, for sure!) and that she pores over pictures of high priced clothes (hint hint )
Ruby Slippers Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 There are so many things I LOVE to do/talk about and she never has anything to say about any of my passions, nor does she offer anything of her own. Why did you get into a relationship with her in the first place?
kizik Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Why did you get into a relationship with her in the first place? She had a rad rack and totally awesome, bitchin' legs, remember? Oh, and her hair looked real good, and she kept her toenails painted. Sound about right, Ep?
Els Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Oh come on, it's just one time and one sentence! Maybe she just wasn't thinking, or was in a bad mood and was afraid you'd start jumping down her throat, or something. Honestly I thought girls were the ones who just had to analyze to death every single sentence their SO says. =/ I'd let it go and see what happens. If that really is a trait of hers it'll definitely show itself more and in bigger ways later. If it doesn't then it doesn't matter!
kizik Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Oh come on, it's just one time and one sentence! Maybe she just wasn't thinking, or was in a bad mood and was afraid you'd start jumping down her throat, or something. Els, if you actually looked into this guy's history with this chick, you'd see she's a spoiled 4-year-old with the personality of a dead duck.
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