OpenGL Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Just a question, does anybody here actually believe those old sayings such as "you'll meet someone when you least expect it" or "you'll meet someone when you're not looking" and other sayings along those lines? Just asking because it seems a lot of people already in relationships say things like that, and tell you to don't worry and to just pursue your own interests and you'll eventually meet someone. Anybody actually buy this? I've been pursuing my own interests and doing my own thing for a long time now and I don't get women popping into my life. The only time I have ever had relationships (very few) is when I have been very actively pursing women.
kizik Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I agree and disagree with that tired old cliche. Agree: When you're busy as hell and involved in projects (work, school, art, etc.) that have little or nothing to do with meeting women, it does happen that inevitably a woman will pop up in one of those corners of your life, and you'll hit it off. Disagree: When you're not actively dating, you're simply not meeting as many women. You limit your possibilities of meeting women to chance encounters (on the elevator, at one of your shows, etc) and therefore by "least expecting it," you've also put yourself into an androgynous, asexual territory. So it's important, IMO, to "always" be dating in the sense that your eyes are always open to cute girls. Staying busy is great, but I could never be so busy that I didn't want to go chat up Kylee over at the Starbucks. Personally I think that cliche is pretty much BS though, and I hate it. Look, a while back I said, "OK, not gonna worry about girls," and you know what happened? Instead of meeting any, as the saying would have you believe, I met none. I think you always need to be dating, or trying to date, to meet more than one person every month.
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Fact for me: It's always rained men when I least wanted a relationship. My current engagement and previous STR, were random meets. Fact for everyone: If your environment doesn't expose you to many single people, it's not going to happen for you. Fact for men: If you don't ask anyone out, you're going to have a helluva' time getting dates.
Author OpenGL Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 So we are all in agreement, even moreso for guys, that the old cliche is pretty much BS?
Epsilon Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I'd say it's a function of correlation in preferences and lifestyle. For example, if I "stop looking for girls/relationships," it means I am then spending more time focusing on myself and bettering my own lifestyle, which in turn makes me more attractive to people. You can still be looking for a relationship while involving yourself in your own things. I mean how many times are you going to hear the statement, "We got together because I looked for it"? Obviously something happening without effort feels more "miraculous," but don't fall into the trap of confirmation bias, either. My point is that there are people everywhere, and statistically speaking, you're bound to meet plenty who are potentially going to be good matches for you.
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 So we are all in agreement, even moreso for guys, that the old cliche is pretty much BS?No, I'm not wholely in agreement. Like every other cliche, there are strong elements of truth about it but never swallow anything wholesale because each person is different. Luck plays a part in it, as well as emotional health. If you run around with a little black cloud over your head, nothing will help you.
Thaddeus Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 \Fact for everyone: If your environment doesn't expose you to many single people, it's not going to happen for you. Fact for men: If you don't ask anyone out, you're going to have a helluva' time getting dates. Quoted for truth, with one caveat: The same goes for women if they don't ask anyone out. (Women, astonishingly enough, actually DO have the freedom to ask men out, something I wish they would do more often.) BTW, Trial, your avatar cracks me up every time I see it.
carhill Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 If a man stops actively looking for a relationship, it will not happen unless he is universally attractive. Simple as that. Having said that, generally, a man's sexual drive will obviate that potential, whereupon he seeks getting laid so is never in a position to 'least expect it'. Anecdotally, 50 years on this planet and I've never met a woman for anything more than casual conversation unless I was actively seeking out one for a relationship. No ambiguity; no exceptions. YMMV, of course
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Quoted for truth, with one caveat: The same goes for women if they don't ask anyone out. (Women, astonishingly enough, actually DO have the freedom to ask men out, something I wish they would do more often.)Some of us are old-fashioned chicklets although with my SO, I had some friends ask him to a party. BTW, Trial, your avatar cracks me up every time I see it. I adore animals in general and cats are impossibly funny creatures. So incredibly cool, disdainful and dignified but if you catch them in private, they're such geeks!
Charles1978 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I actually agree with it. Relationships have always seemed to find me, not the other way around. That said, you do need to put forth some effort. I have some friends who want relationships, but don't try to start one. You still need to get out and socialize. But overall, I agree with the cliche.
butcher's hook Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 As a guy you have to be constantly and actively pursuing women if you don't you won't meet someone, simple as that really. When they say it finds you it means the "falling in love part" that is what happens when you least expect it, it does not mean there is a knock at the door and it is your dream girl waiting for you on your front steps.
huck Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Yes and No for me.. If you actively go out looking for something in a bar/club theres a fair chance you might strike it lucky.. But in my experience 90% of the time ive met a previous girlfriend is when I've been out chilling or having a few beers with my mates.. At the time i wasnt remotely looking to pull at all. I've met my past 3 girlfriends when i've been having a smoke outside the pub ( i know smokings not cool ! ) and weve just engadged in random drunken conversation and its led from there...
Pyro Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I believe it 110%. That is how it has always worked for me. The bad part is that it sometimes won't happen right away. Patience is key.
tigressA Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I definitely believe in it. That's the way it's happened for me with all the guys I've been involved with--five--totally random encounters turning into something more, and having a boyfriend was the last thing on my mind. I first met all of them in my college's student union cafe. It's usually pretty crowded and it's easy to hit it off with strangers.
kizik Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I've figured it out: this is a cliche directed at women, because it's their "job" to be receptive and of course they meet men when they "least expect it." This doesn't apply to men, though, because since we are the pursuers, we can never "not expect" to pursue a girl... we are always expecting or anticipating or attempting to meet women (or at least, we should be). There's rarely a case of a guy, with a functioning dick, who gets hit on by a woman when he "least expects it" and then a relationship burgeons from there. Women - it happens Men - it's BS
Thaddeus Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 it does not mean there is a knock at the door and it is your dream girl waiting for you on your front steps.Yes, that's most often the case, but I have a true story to share: One evening, while I was home alone flipping listlessly through the TV channels, the doorbell rang. Lo and behold, she was gorgeous! She was (still is) a yoga instructor promoting personal yoga classes to the houses in my neighborhood. We chatted a bit, made arrangements to meet later that week... and we had a wonderfully torrid 6 months! Ya just never know..!
kizik Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Yes, that's most often the case, but I have a true story to share: One evening, while I was home alone flipping listlessly through the TV channels, the doorbell rang. Lo and behold, she was gorgeous! She was (still is) a yoga instructor promoting personal yoga classes to the houses in my neighborhood. We chatted a bit, made arrangements to meet later that week... and we had a wonderfully torrid 6 months! Ya just never know..! She should have been worried about being raped and killed. Seriously, what hot, single young yoga instructor goes door-to-door? Women shore can be stupid about their safety!
Isolde Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Fact for everyone: If your environment doesn't expose you to many single people, it's not going to happen for you. I think this made me cry. I've moved several times in the past 2 years, and the last time I was around lots of singles was in college.
patcha Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Women - it happens Men - it's BS That's funny, and the sad part is I think it's true!
Thaddeus Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 She should have been worried about being raped and killed. Seriously, what hot, single young yoga instructor goes door-to-door? Women shore can be stupid about their safety! Funny you mention that, because that was pretty much the first thing we talked about after she rang the bell. But she was in tremendous shape, very confident, and could probably open up a serious can of whoop-a$$ on anyone that got outta line.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Fact for me: It's always rained men when I least wanted a relationship. My current engagement and previous STR, were random meets. Fact for everyone: If your environment doesn't expose you to many single people, it's not going to happen for you. Fact for men: If you don't ask anyone out, you're going to have a helluva' time getting dates. I agree. When I really want a relationship, and I'm actively trying to find someone, I never do. Every once in a while I put myself on a "dating hiatus". I told myself that I just wasn't going to worry about meeting someone for the next 6 months. I would think about it later, and enjoy myself now. Pretty much every time I've ever done this, I've met someone within the first 3 months of that hiatus who was actively interested, and I dated him.
westernxer Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Sometimes you don't meet anyone when most expect it. LOL
gypsy_nicky Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I find that this expression is plausible not because of "least expectations" but because everyday we meet people and chance/new encounters are the norm with our daily lives. It's only when our mindset changes from actively seeking to not actively seeking for whatever internal/external reasons, is when we say we met this particular person when least expected
butcher's hook Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I've figured it out: this is a cliche directed at women, because it's their "job" to be receptive and of course they meet men when they "least expect it." This doesn't apply to men, though, because since we are the pursuers, we can never "not expect" to pursue a girl... we are always expecting or anticipating or attempting to meet women (or at least, we should be). There's rarely a case of a guy, with a functioning dick, who gets hit on by a woman when he "least expects it" and then a relationship burgeons from there. Women - it happens Men - it's BS Yup I was going to say something similar earlier, it is most definitely mostly for women but even having said that, the "professor" and I met on our co-ed volleyball team. I had not played volleyball since highschool and this was his third year on the team. Just this weekend he was expressing to me that the last place he thought he would meet me would be on that team since he had played with women three years now and never made any bones of it. In fact the year before last year he already had a girlfriend. As for me, I joined because my friend wanted to and I thought yeah sure why not. I did not expect to meet him, no way. So it is and it isn't for women only. He still had to pursue me but our paths still had to connect, and they connected in a non expecting way. Yes, that's most often the case, but I have a true story to share: One evening, while I was home alone flipping listlessly through the TV channels, the doorbell rang. Lo and behold, she was gorgeous! She was (still is) a yoga instructor promoting personal yoga classes to the houses in my neighborhood. We chatted a bit, made arrangements to meet later that week... and we had a wonderfully torrid 6 months! Ya just never know..! WOW that is one lottery of a story Thaddeus, LOVED it!!
Truly Lost Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 My last boyfriend went out to a pool hall by himself one night to try his luck at meeting someone. I was at the same pool hall sitting at the bar with a male friend of mine. My ex didn't approach me because he thought the guy I was sitting next to was my boyfriend. Since I was aware that my friend being around me was a deterant, I made the first move. Believe me, my now ex, thought he wasn't in my league and very surprised when I flagged him down. We were together for a year and a half. I would say he put effort in meeting someone by going out, but he didn't expect to meet me. So I think that is considered "when you least expect it".
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