Author pandagirl Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 If 10 dates (or, as I believe you said once, 6 weeks) is too early to say, "I like you," then I don't know what amount of time you could possibly be waiting for. At this rate, it'll be years until he buys you flowers... Hey, he sent me a gift from vacation after our 3rd date! It's been almost two months. It's actually going at a pace I am comfortable with. I don't like to rush into things. I just need some reciprocity.
Star Gazer Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I agree with what you guys are saying. I DO need to be a better communicator. I just feel like it's too early to discuss the status of our "relationship." Why? Do you not want to be in a relationship? O are you scared that having "the talk" will scare him away?
Author pandagirl Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Why? Do you not want to be in a relationship? O are you scared that having "the talk" will scare him away? I do see him as relationship potential, but the truth is, I don't know him well enough to know that for sure yet. I need to spend more time with him, but it's hard in the summer, because we're both gone a lot. It doesn't seem like we're at that point yet to discuss exclusivity. However, he hasn't logged into the dating site we met on in a month (I have to check messages that were sent to me, but I have not met anyone else from the site).
carhill Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 At the risk of boring you, what is going on for tonight? I love reading all this lofty relationship potential/communication talk, but nuts and bolts, girl. Is he taking you to the exhibition or not?
Lindarose84 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 what he said exactly was: "sounds great! i'm busy this afternoon. what time are you going? maybe if you go way late... if not another time. would love to check it out." i feel like that is a positive response? also, my text to him on saturday read: "i am going out later, if you feel up for it, you should join us." which as my friend pointed out, wasn't a very enthusiastic invite. I'm gonna agree with zicke that you got a "meh" response. I would put money on it that he doesn't go tonight but he chose the cowardly way of telling you "no". If he were fair to you, he would've given you a simple yes or no so you're not left wondering all day. I think you need to back off a bit- from the sounds of all the initiating you're doing, it does come off a bit needy especially when he's basically non-responsive to your invites. If you say he initiated a lot in the beginning and now doesn't, then something is up. Why the sudden change in his actions? Again, some guys would rather the "relationship" just taper off as a result of their backing off instead of just saying to a woman, "I'm just not that interested anymore." I think the adult thing to do would be to stop the game playing and just vocalize your concerns and see where he stands. I mean, you've been out with this guy 10 times already- you're entitled to some answers as to why you feel he's been wishy washy. Just talk to him.
Kamille Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I think the adult thing to do would be to stop the game playing and just vocalize your concerns and see where he stands. I mean, you've been out with this guy 10 times already- you're entitled to some answers as to why you feel he's been wishy washy. Just talk to him. Ok wait! Before she voices concern, I think she has an obligation to herself to tell the guy she likes him, no? While I agree with keeping a balance and understand why Pandagirl feels vulnerable after three invites and mitigated responses, I do think the guys have a point: if she likes him and sees potential with him she should tell him so. She should definitely point out the positive before she starts demanding explanations. And, in my experience, telling a guy you like him accomplishes one of two things: it makes him extra happy and keen to move the relationship foward or it scares him away. From an objective perspective, that's a win win combo: either you're moving foward or you've stopped wasting your time.
Author pandagirl Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 I'm gonna agree with zicke that you got a "meh" response. I would put money on it that he doesn't go tonight but he chose the cowardly way of telling you "no". If he were fair to you, he would've given you a simple yes or no so you're not left wondering all day. First, I am not leaving my home today. I re-aggravated my back injury from this weekend and am laid up like an old woman! Also, I don't think I got a "meh" response from him. We both don't have office jobs -- we work for ourselves -- so I was intending on going this afternoon. I invited him last minute, and he already had plans, which is why he said if I went later, he could meet me.
Lindarose84 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Ok wait! Before she voices concern, I think she has an obligation to herself to tell the guy she likes him, no? While I agree with keeping a balance and understand why Pandagirl feels vulnerable after three invites and mitigated responses, I do think the guys have a point: if she likes him and sees potential with him she should tell him so. She should definitely point out the positive before she starts demanding explanations. And, in my experience, telling a guy you like him accomplishes one of two things: it makes him extra happy and keen to move the relationship foward or it scares him away. From an objective perspective, that's a win win combo: either you're moving foward or you've stopped wasting your time. Oh yes, I definitely think she should tell this guy how she feels first- that goes without saying. I'm surprised this hasn't been discussed yet. When I'm dating someone, our interest in one another is usually vocally established by the 3rd date. Once that's on the table, I would then vocalize my concerns on his absenteeism if the behavior still persists once she has made her feelings clear to him. First, I am not leaving my home today. I re-aggravated my back injury from this weekend and am laid up like an old woman! Also, I don't think I got a "meh" response from him. We both don't have office jobs -- we work for ourselves -- so I was intending on going this afternoon. I invited him last minute, and he already had plans, which is why he said if I went later, he could meet me. How is an ambiguous response about "maybe" being able to go if you go "way later" a positive response? It's a response, yes...positive (to me), no. "Way later" could mean 5pm or 11pm. Who knows. That's what a person would say to leave things open allowing for a better opportunity to waffle. THIS is a positive response: "Hey panda girl, that sounds great! I would definitely love to check out the exhibit with you. I'm busy with work this afternoon, but I should be done with everything by 6pm if you wanted to hold off and go together at that time. If that doesn't work for you, that's cool...We could do lunch/dinner tomorrow instead since I'd love to see you again." But like I said, that's just me. If you see what you got as a "positive response" that's your prerogative. Either way, you still should back off a bit with the all the invites. Let HIM do some of the inviting next time.
Author pandagirl Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Oh yes, I definitely think she should tell this guy how she feels first- that goes without saying. I'm surprised this hasn't been discussed yet. When I'm dating someone, our interest in one another is usually vocally established by the 3rd date. Once that's on the table, I would then vocalize my concerns on his absenteeism if the behavior still persists once she has made her feelings clear to him. How is an ambiguous response about "maybe" being able to go if you go "way later" a positive response? It's a response, yes...positive (to me), no. "Way later" could mean 5pm or 11pm. Who knows. That's what a person would say to leave things open allowing for a better opportunity to waffle. THIS is a positive response: "Hey panda girl, that sounds great! I would definitely love to check out the exhibit with you. I'm busy with work this afternoon, but I should be done with everything by 6pm if you wanted to hold off and go together at that time. If that doesn't work for you, that's cool...We could do lunch/dinner tomorrow instead since I'd love to see you again." But like I said, that's just me. If you see what you got as a "positive response" that's your prerogative. Either way, you still should back off a bit with the all the invites. Let HIM do some of the inviting next time. I am the queen of over-analyzing, and I didn't read into his email as a negative thing. I just read it as, "I can't go this afternoon, but if you are going to be there later, I could meet you. If not we will go another time." But, I agree. It's his turn to initiate. I've made my interest clear!
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