How many of you are still thinking of an ex from some time back?

[green apples]

It happens to me now and then. I don't like it, knowing we won't get back together, but it happens. Does anyone have a solution that stops the mind from thinking about it?

[axisdenied]

Distract, distract, distract. That seems to be about all that can be done. I've been reading quite a bit of literature on the subject of intrusive thoughts lately. There is remarkable agreement among many authorities that seeking psychological resolution & outright resistance solidifies the pattern of thought because in doing so the neural pathways that give rise to the intrusive thoughts are strengthened. So then, what I mean by distraction is that you'll need to engage yourself in other thought patterns that strengthen different neural pathways. In my experience people find it useful to take up a hobby or find a new interest outside of the love arena.

 

Good luck,

A

[Thornton]

Yep, I do

 

I have a new bf, who is wonderful and kind and all the rest of it, but even now when I see someone who reminds me of my ex, someone who looks a little like him or something, my heart leaps and I get butterflies in my tummy. I have no idea why this happens - my ex wasn't even very nice to me most of the time, and my current bf is the nicest person ever, but he doesn't have that butterflies-in-the-tummy effect on me - nobody ever has except my ex, and I don't expect to find it again, so I guess I'll have to learn to be satisfied with a relationship without it.

 

I realise that my ex isn't coming back, that he doesn't love me, and all the rest of it, I realise that my current bf is much nicer and more stable and trustworthy... but when I think of what true love felt like, I think of my ex. I guess I'm glad I at least got to experience it in my life, but sometimes I wish I hadn't, because the loss gives me a horrible sick feeling.

 

When such feelings arise, all you can really do is try to distract yourself, as axisdenied said. If you wallow in the feeling it overwhelms you; I just sink into sadness and begin to cry. So I try not to think about it; when thoughts of my ex arise I tell myself that he was no good for me and mentally list all his bad points, then I distract myself from thinking about it further.

[D-Lish]

I still think of my ex and it still hurts sometimes, we broke it off in December.

 

When I start those racing thoughts I just try and picture him in an unflattering light. I try and re-invent him as a loser. It works if I keep focusing on the stupid things he did or said.

[jtaime]

When we broke up 2 years back, it was bad as we were living together and he had to move 10000 miles away for a new job.. it was horrible and lonely in the house and it constantly reminds me of him. So I got a cat.. that diverted my attention a little..

 

Then after 4 months, I returned to a place that we've had many memories so I can face it and so it registers that we are no longer a couple.. a little harsh.. but it helped.

 

We still maintained communication once a week.. checking up on each other. After a while, we realised that we have both moved on. I still think about him, how he's doing, but there's the occassional thought of the "what if's and could have been's".

 

I dont think I would want anything to change even if I could rewrite it all over again

[LostLamb]

We broke in December , he's now engaged to a new love. I have quite an empty life and think about him too much , we'll never see each other again never mind get back together but I can't shake him from my heart.

I wish I had new partner as it's a chance to reinvent oneself and grow something new. I hope I forget him one day as I will be disappounted if I still feel like this years down the line. I'm not sure I believe in "the one that got away" , it's too depressing to even contemplate!

[green apples]

Thanks all. Thornton, I think it's when you've found someone else who's better than an ex that you stop thinking of the ex.

 

D-lish, that's an interesting way you use. I should try picturing the ex as a loser too.

 

jtaime, sometimes I still feel that I can't go back to the places we had been as a couple. It still hurts. I avoid them as much as I can.

 

LostLamb, sorry you're going through what you're going through. Funny how even when we know there's not going to be a second round, we think of the exes. The mind is really an unfathomable human anatomy.