AnswersPls Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Hi ALl, Anyone can help? Let me give you a brief scene of how my relationship broke up. My ex and I have been together for 4 years. I am 26 and he is 29. During these 4 yrs, yes there were fights and arguements. But there were good times as well. Just 3 weeks ago, my ex decided he wants out. He have told his friends that although emotionally, he still misses me. But logically, he feels that we should not be together. Reason being, he is sick and tired of the fights and arguements. When he told me he wanted to break up, i went to find him the very next day, begging and crying. The he told me he wanted to take a 2 wks cool down period to think. Of course being emotional, I tried to give him the 2 weeks but failed badly. On the sat the very same week, I called him and we talked on the phone, with him telling me its over and that i did not respect his decision. To make it all worst, I panicked and went down together with his friend (good friend) to find him. Of coz he got pissed. On top of that, I had called his mother to ask her about about my ex. I guess his mother told him that I called and pressured him.. ANyway I just met him 3 days ago to pass him all his old stuff and also to settle the "closure". I asked him to watch a movie then, but he refused. So we talked about 2 hours about our feelings and the top major issues and I tried to tell him that I can change. But he did not want to. He mentioned that the chapter in his life have closed and that I should move on. He also mentioned that I was his true love in the 4 yrs. But eventually if we get married, we will definately end up divorcing. He mentioned that he got no more confidence in the relationship and that if we got back, he will just be an empty shell. He said he loved my flaws and if I had changed to be different, it would not be me. Most importantly, he said that the feelings is not there anymore. Before we parted, he wanted to hug me, which I did. We both felt sad at the moment. But I told him that I love him and that loving him means letting him go. Last week, my best friend felt very tired of her own r/s and called my ex up to chat about how he was so firm in making such a painful decision. During their conversation, my ex asked about me and also mentioned, that he does not wan to lead me on by calling or giving me false hopes. hence he is not calling. Its been 3 weeks since broke up. a week since we met up, but hes still not calling me. I have not been calling him too. 1)I still love him very much,Should I try to call him after a month? 2)Does anyone know how I can try to get him back? 3)Or should I let him go?
SRTtoZ Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 If you want any chance with this person in the future walk away now..NO contact. You need to hold onto whatever pride/dignitiy you have left. A begger doesnt come off as attractive (and im not calling you names), we've all done it at some point or another..but the best way for you to save your relationship going forward is for both of you to take time and wait for him to FIND you. It sound as if you told him exactly what you want (to be with him) so he knows this...So just wait it out. It sucks and its hard but thats the only thing that will win him back. Its a win/win for you...because if he doesnt come back, you've given yourself space to get over him. And if he does come back, good...
Author AnswersPls Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Hi SRTtoZ, Thanks for your advice. I guess that the only way out. Yes I have not been contacting him. Have you ever been in a situation where your walk away, NC, then your ex will come back begging?.. Or any of you out there? Who have got your ex back?
Saudade Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I really feel for you. My story is the same as yours, word for word. My only advice I can give is NC, which is what I have been doing, it's been 4 weeks if not more since I last heard from him. I hear he's enjoying life without me, so I'm out of the race already I cannot begin to tell you how much it hurts, the only thing that keeps me going is that one day it will get better. Just be strong and focus on your life. Live your life like he's not coming back.
adamt Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 He knows how you feel, what more can you say that he doesnt already know. You can not pressurise someone into submission and change their mind. You just have to let him go and try to move on and see if he wants you back. You probably came onto strong after the break up and probably made htings worse. But he has clearly said it is over so you have to accept it and move on no matter how hard it is
Author AnswersPls Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 QUOTE=Saudade;2271496]I really feel for you. My story is the same as yours, word for word. My only advice I can give is NC, which is what I have been doing, it's been 4 weeks if not more since I last heard from him. I hear he's enjoying life without me, so I'm out of the race already I cannot begin to tell you how much it hurts, the only thing that keeps me going is that one day it will get better. Just be strong and focus on your life. Live your life like he's not coming back. thanks for your advise. Its really painful...but we have to strive on.. Its so painful why someone we used to love, hold and share good times and bad times.. suddenly just BREAK UP. . But.. whoever who is the same situation, lets be strong. If its really meant to be, he will be back, I guess..
SRTtoZ Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Answers...Yes, this has happen in 2 out of 3 of my major relationships. Two of them wanted me back at some point or another but I wanst willing to return because I had found someone else. I'm hoping to make it 3 out of 3 but we just broke up a little over a week ago. No contact is the best...all you can do is let them know how you feel, and if you are the one that Fu@#ed up, ADMIT it. Then I say I need my own space to make the changes neccesary in my life etc etc...then somteime down the road you NEVER know what can happen. But if you guys want it to work, changes will need to be made. Hopefully for the better.
aloneanddepressed Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 This sounds similar to my situation, although my relationship was not for that long period of time. I know guys are more likely to not be able to deal with drama and arguments, but it makes you wonder like "is there not enough about the relationship otherwise to make it work?". My BF never spoke to me again after our last argument, and initiated it was over. I'm still not 100% sure if the breakup is because of arguing or something else I was unaware of. I tried to tell him I would change on my part..ect ect, and I have yet to hear a WORD from him. I feel guilty from arguing with him, and feeling like I could have handled certain situations differently. I've started the no contact thing, but like you the first couple of weeks I kept trying to contact him, as well as contacting one of his relatives/friends, and I'm sure that made it worse. I still can't believe he would end this relationship because he couldn't deal with fighting anymore. We had only had like 2 major arguments in person, and like a few when chatting online. I think if he really loved me and cared he would have tried harder, and saw there was hope. Ps. I'm guessing your Ex, at least told you it was over. Mine didn't. He just disappeared and I had to obtain this info from someone he knows. Nice of him.
Saudade Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 If he loves you and he misses you he'll let you know, be sure of that and if not, then it simply wasn't meant to be and he wasn't the one for you. Do lots of things for you whatever it is. Start off with small steps and take each minute as it comes, if you want to cry, then cry but also don't be afraid if you forget him, even if it's just for a minute - enjoy life as much as you can under this horrible dark cloud - things will get better I promise I tell you that from someone who came out of an 8 year relationship and never thought I'd get over it, guess what... I did and I know I'll get over this one too in time.
Author AnswersPls Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 I have just spoke to his good fren.. Its seems like all hopes is lost, because he really cannot tolerate my character anymore.. He already decided to move on without me. So there is no more hope.. Its sad.. But..but. in conclusion.. I am deciding to move on without any hope. I hope whoever is having any issues similar to mine.. will brace up and move on.. Because its hard to get someone back when they already changed their mind, because when the heart is gone, no point getting the empty shell. and the tip is.. NC.. I made the mistake of contacting and pestering for the first week. So, whoever is reading, pls NC!!
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