carhill Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Reading between the lines of the call, she's not sure about the guy she's currently banging and wishes to keep you on the back burner, perhaps for an ego boost with occasional orgasm to keep the pilot lit. This is typical behavior for some 23 y/o people (men and women). They're feeling their sexual and emotional power and do not yet have the maturity to handle it with empathy, compassion and the grace of a fully matured adult. Some never do I would counsel a total black hole. Nothing escapes, not even a thought. Do not attempt to date another young lady for at least 60 days after you last have a fleeting thought of your ex. If you think of her, reset the clock. That sounds harsh, right? Detoxing your brain is serious business. It's not easy or painless. Let's get started today
Author earner Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Thanks Girlygirl, I agree she is quite immature anyway and is always saying about much she hates her life and doesnt know who she is and hates herself etc..... The way forward no needs to be NC but now i have spoke to her all the old memories have come flooding back ! At the end of the day i have told her how i feel and i cant do anyhing else ...
CaliGuy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 QUESTION: When is it acceptable to break the NC rule? When your ex contacts you about wanting to speak about the relationship? Most guys I know will never admit to that. What if they ask you to coffee and "catch up" (not too soon since the break up, say within two months). I'm so confused. It's ok to break NC when you feel like it AFTER your ex has contacted YOU first. You NEVER break it first. I personally believe that you never respond to the first or second attempt. If they call and don't leave a message then DON’T REPLY. If they text saying "Call me" then don't reply. My point is, if an Ex really wants you, they'll be beating your door down. If they want validation (a win for them, loss for you) then why even bother? Exs that are serious don't call without leaving lengthy explanations about why they are calling. Anything else is breadcrumbs. Thanks for the replies people, So yeah I called her and basically she was just calling for a chat and to see how I am we spoke for about 40 mins Didn't I tell ya not to call?? Why? See my next comment. - I laid my cards on the table and said look if you want to try again and take things slow and work things out i would love to do that Bad bad bad. She wasn't calling to patch things up with you, she was seeking validation and you handed it to her on a silver platter. We don't tell you not to respond for NO REASON. It's because her behavior, as it is in most cases like this, are simply to make HERSELF feel better (and she wants to know you are still pining around for her!). but shes just not interested - she said yeah i would love to do that but its not fair on me as in a few months time she may break up with again for the fact that she hasnt got this "thing" out of her system yet and she needs to be alone to sort her head out ! This is girl speak for "I don't want you, I will never go back to you and you should just move on with your life. But feel free to contact me and boost my ego and self-esteem in the process!" I feel lke **** again and feel lke I have gone back a month I should never have called. But then she is saying maybe we can meet up next for a drink ?! And if you meet up with her for a drink you'll be set back another month. Look if you want to heal and move on with your life AND find someone much better than her, you have to put this girl behind you and you need to do it now. No more contact. No more biting on her breadcrumbs. She's in the past and needs to stay there.
BCCA Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It's ok to break NC when you feel like it AFTER your ex has contacted YOU first. You NEVER break it first. I personally believe that you never respond to the first or second attempt. If they call and don't leave a message then DON’T REPLY. If they text saying "Call me" then don't reply. My point is, if an Ex really wants you, they'll be beating your door down. If they want validation (a win for them, loss for you) then why even bother? Exs that are serious don't call without leaving lengthy explanations about why they are calling. Anything else is breadcrumbs. My feeling is that by the time you are really ok to break NC, you probably wont want to. I agree that whoever did the dumping should make the first contact, but even at that, you should be careful about if/when you respond. Truth be told, I can only see a few circumstances where I would call an ex back, period. I'll also echo CG's other points, the other person needs to make their intentions clear if you want me to call you back. It you only want to say hi or see how Im doing, no thanks. That does nothing for me, and would be a pointless conversation. Not leaving messages or texting are pretty clear signs of someone who is only fishing. Breadcrumbs are for birds. I laid my cards on the table and said look if you want to try again and take things slow and work things out i would love to do that Let this be a lesson to anyone else thinking that CG or I are just bitter, and dont want people to be happy. We give advice based on experience, not bitterness. I could have guessed what was going to happen when you did that... but shes just not interested - she said yeah i would love to do that but its not fair on me as in a few months time she may break up with again for the fact that she hasnt got this "thing" out of her system yet and she needs to be alone to sort her head out ! Complete crock of s**t, which really means 'Im never going to be romantically interested, but rather than being honest, enjoy this really crappy lie!'. No one needs to be alone to sort anything out, period. This is girl speak for "I don't want you, I will never go back to you and you should just move on with your life. But feel free to contact me and boost my ego and self-esteem in the process!" Couldnt have said it better myself! I feel lke **** again and feel lke I have gone back a month I should never have called This is what almost ALWAYS happens when you break NC. You should never have called, but at least you know for sure now. I just hope your realize that you HAVE to stay NC, because... But then she is saying maybe we can meet up next for a drink ?! Why in the world would you even care if she said that? You really think even if she was serious (which I doubt) going out with her for a drink would be good for YOU? Of course it wouldnt, it would be a complete waste of time. Any contact you have with her is going to make you feel like crap and take you back to square one. You have to make an effort to stop letting that happen. AVOID HER LIKE THE PLAGUE!
Author earner Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 bcca and caliguy some good advice there ! i just regret telling her how i feel now and wish i never called, but on the other hand if i didnt tell her she may think im over her already! anyway i have said my piece now and cant do anything more than that she knows how i feel so the ball is in her court, it is NC all the way from now on at the end of the day i still want her back and would love to give things another go but if she dosnt want to be with me for whatever reason then i have to move on
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 bcca and caliguy some good advice there ! i just regret telling her how i feel now and wish i never called, but on the other hand if i didnt tell her she may think im over her already! anyway i have said my piece now and cant do anything more than that she knows how i feel so the ball is in her court, it is NC all the way from now on at the end of the day i still want her back and would love to give things another go but if she dosnt want to be with me for whatever reason then i have to move on Just know that she probaly will try to contact you again. When she starts feeling the need to releive some more guilt/get that ego stroked. Don't be there for her next time.
BCCA Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Just know that she probaly will try to contact you again. When she starts feeling the need to releive some more guilt/get that ego stroked. Don't be there for her next time. You know whats funny? I thought the same thing about my ex, and she never tried to contact me at all, period. Been over a year now... Sometimes, when they see that you arent going to play their game, they dont want to play at all.
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 You know whats funny? I thought the same thing about my ex, and she never tried to contact me at all, period. Been over a year now... Sometimes, when they see that you arent going to play their game, they dont want to play at all. I agree.. I made the mistake of a few ego strokes, "ex-sex" a couple of times,ect..No more for me though, I'm done!
boogieboy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 bcca and caliguy some good advice there ! i just regret telling her how i feel now and wish i never called, but on the other hand if i didnt tell her she may think im over her already! anyway i have said my piece now and cant do anything more than that she knows how i feel so the ball is in her court, it is NC all the way from now on at the end of the day i still want her back and would love to give things another go but if she dosnt want to be with me for whatever reason then i have to move on UGH! You did the opposite of what you were supposed to do. 1.) Shes not supposed to know how you feel, and she is supposed to think that the ball is in YOUR court. 2.) you WANT her to think that you are over her already. remember that for next time.
WiseOne1 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 UGH! You did the opposite of what you were supposed to do. 1.) Shes not supposed to know how you feel, and she is supposed to think that the ball is in YOUR court. 2.) you WANT her to think that you are over her already. remember that for next time. I"ve been a over looker here on Ls for about 4 years, and it seems that boogieboy gives excellent advice, he actually has a sense or type of strategy to get a ex back, or atlest how to go about how to better your chances. I also agree with CaliGuy with not replying until she makes certain contact like a voicemail, I do feel like text messages are possibly equal to VM but hey she's going to have to earn contact, not some little text message that takes no effort.
boogieboy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I"ve been a over looker here on Ls for about 4 years, and it seems that boogieboy gives excellent advice, he actually has a sense or type of strategy to get a ex back, or atlest how to go about how to better your chances. I also agree with CaliGuy with not replying until she makes certain contact like a voicemail, I do feel like text messages are possibly equal to VM but hey she's going to have to earn contact, not some little text message that takes no effort. Thank you WiseOne1, but I have to admit, that after much research, my advise is using logic, but motivated by revenge.
Author earner Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 [FONT=Arial]So today im feeling terrible, went and drank 6 beers last night to forget about things but that only made it worse and I ended up getting upset in the pub. Im kicking myself today thinking that I messed up the phonecall yesterday and should have kept it lighter and more positive and I keep going over and over the conversation in my head but its really weird I can seem to remember much of it ?![/FONT] Is there any way to salvage this or do you guys think it is most definitely over ?? I still keep stupidly thinking about asking her for a drink next week and hopefully all the old feelings will come back, we will have a great time and she could possibly change her mind …..
Recommended Posts