Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 so weve not really spoken now in two weeks, on and off we spoke about her not being very well because of how she worries about how i am and the last thing she wrote to me a week ago was "olly i'm not ready to chat yet. i'm sorry. kind of really messed up by this. stay happy and i'll talk to you soon" and she also said " ol, i think we should both move on for now, and see in sept" these two things both confuse me to how shes feeling as they say we'll speak soon n things could be ok. now were both from england and she lives quite far away when were both not at uni (in the same city) but shes gone to london for two weeks to a dance school so i thought id give her an email saying "i hope you made it ok and ect..." and i know her email acc p/w like she does mine and i checked to see whether she had read it but it was deleted at a time where i know she oculdnt have read it so i know her mother is interfereing again and deleting her messages so i have no way of contacting her. its killing me the fact i cannot contact. also its her bday this sunday and we were plan on spending it together in london but now we arnt but her other friends are going instead to which i feel sad and down about because i worry even though i know she cares about me a great deal she will have such a good time with them she wont think about me. god this hurts so much.
asuman Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It seems to me the message she is sending you is: "I want you to get over this, and maybe once you are we can be friends. Until then, please accept that it is over." This password sharing business is very odd. You should ask her to change it so you no longer have access to it. Change yours so she doesn't have access to yours. You need to start purging yourself of the images and memories of this girl, one day at a time, so you can start the healing process. You need to get over her and you're not taking the steps you need to in order to do so.
Author Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 the thing is we broke up a long time ago but stayed as close as you could and still did everything together as a couple untill two weeks ago where i had been pressuring her to be back with me when she wanted to be friends and see if the love came back that way as she had said numerous times "if we are as close as we are & happy as we are i see no reason why we couldnt because its happened before" thats why im confused and please answer to the earlier part to as im going crazy sat here
asuman Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 the thing is we broke up a long time ago but stayed as close as you could and still did everything together as a couple untill two weeks ago where i had been pressuring her to be back with me when she wanted to be friends and see if the love came back that way as she had said numerous times "if we are as close as we are & happy as we are i see no reason why we couldnt because its happened before" thats why im confused and please answer to the earlier part to as im going crazy sat here My opinion is this: She's made it clear to you that she doesn't want to be together anymore. She continues to give what you consider to be "mixed" signals only because she cares for you as a human being and it's difficult for her to be as blunt and harsh as she really needs to be, to get the message across. The part of her message you really need to pay attention to is her insistence that you are not a couple anymore. As long as that is true, you need to stop dwelling on her. To stop dwelling on her, you need some separation from her life. How are you going to do that if you keep hanging out with her and monitoring her email account?
Author Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 yeah i do understand that she says that but her actions have spoken somewhat different to her words quite a lot of the time, i cannot give up hope of having something with her untill weve both had space and shes sorted her mind out because she says shes confused a lot. this is happened before so i cant get that thought out of my mind that she could come back no matter how hard i try to, its much easier said than done trying to move on, and i dont mean to look at her account n im sure she looks at mine which shows she still cares and wants to know whats going on with me while we dont contact each other.
LAZORSareeverywhere Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 As long as you still have that hope that you will end up together, and are determined to believe she still cares about you, then you probally wont get over her. It's like trying to quit a drug that you believe is keeping you alive. I know it's not easy, but whenever I find myself thinking that way about my ex I mentally tell myself off. I say "don't be stupid, you're broken up, it's pathetic to keep thinking that way about her, she wont think that way about you (regardless of whether I think it's true or not)." It helped me accept that the breakup was actually serious. But that e-mail thing is bad bad news. You cannot justify it by saying "It proves I care about her" or "She knows my e-mail and pw." Every time you log in it is a massive breach of her privacy and is probally doing a hell of a lot to stop you from getting over her. If you really cannot stop yourself from spying on her then you have to tell her to change her password as "the temptation is getting too much." Also I know it means incriminating yourself but if her parents are deliberately monitoring her e-mail and deleting ones as they see fit then you really should tell her (and make sure she knows). That's a horrible horrible thing to do, even worse than the spying you've been doing.
asuman Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 yeah i do understand that she says that but her actions have spoken somewhat different to her words quite a lot of the time, i cannot give up hope of having something with her untill weve both had space and shes sorted her mind out because she says shes confused a lot. this is happened before so i cant get that thought out of my mind that she could come back no matter how hard i try to, its much easier said than done trying to move on, and i dont mean to look at her account n im sure she looks at mine which shows she still cares and wants to know whats going on with me while we dont contact each other. No one on this forum will ever disagree that this is "easier said than done." Of course it is. That doesn't mean you don't have to get it done, though. As I said, her actions may confuse you because it's not easy for her to do this. You need to let her go. If it was meant to be she will realize that on her own, but you aren't giving her the chance to be on her own. How does it make you feel when she tells you that you aren't a couple? Is that a nice feeling? Are you happy and content with life, with this arrangement? How does the stress and anxiety of this situation influence your day to day life? This is not a way to live, is it? There's got to be a better way.
Author Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 i was happy and content before i knew she didnt want anyone else, we both spoke together everyday and would have never guessed we werent a couple, we text all the time, wrote letters and the full works, so i guess yes i was ok about it. now were not talking i feel like complete and utter ****, i cant shake it where ever i go or whatever i do. i have been trying to leave her alone but she says its hurting her knowing im not well making her feel ill, which just shows me she cares about me a great deal. i want friendship because weve been friends before and we got back together for a long time untill i had insercuritys and rang n pestered her for a long time. your probably right that the only way i would get her back as a friend or a gf is by leaving her alone and letting her have her time but i just struggle everyday with not knowing what shes upto. by looking at her email i know its wrong and what her parents r doing is even worse because they are stopping us talking and letting her know i care but its the only way i get to see how shes feeling and she was telling people that shes fine i guess and really low a lot which to does give me hope that she cares a great deal still.
Author Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 i just cant get it out my head, no matter how hard i try i cant and it is tearing me up, like ripping my apart, i just wanna be able to talk to her and she thinks by us not talking its helping me but in the end its really killing me from the inside out
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