skystarr77 Posted November 5, 2003 Posted November 5, 2003 My partner of several years recently found out he had AIDS about two months ago. It has been difficult since he lost his job as a flight attendant. It seems as though his health started getting worse after he lost it. I work full time and currently go to school part time as well. On a recent trip home to California, he decided to stay and let his family take care of him. His mother is rather overbearing and I am sure they convinced him that they could take better care of him than I could. He's very close to his family. He called me a couple nights ago to tell me this and I have been an emotional wreck ever since. He said to me that we could be together if I moved to California with him. I'm afraid if I do, I will grow to resent the relationship. I know that it would be financial suicide if I were to leave my good job to go there, but I am so confused at this point... I don't know what to do. I love him very much and want to help him out as much as I can ... what to do? I feel so alone. We had put so much into this relationship...
Tony T Posted November 5, 2003 Posted November 5, 2003 So if the two of you are all that close, why didn't he discuss his decision to stay with his family with you before he made it? Stay where you are. This guy's heart and trust is obviously more centered with his family than with you. Good thing you learned this now. You also have to understand that if he is dying he may want to be around the family he has known all his life. In any case, it doesn't look good for your relationship.
Author skystarr77 Posted November 5, 2003 Author Posted November 5, 2003 We had talked about both of us moving to California before, but decided we'd wait a year and a half until I got my degree. Its also hard to accept that he is or could be dying. I know all this, and know I need to just let it go... I keep breaking down at work too... at least my co-workers and boss are really understanding.
ThisGirlNameKD Posted November 6, 2003 Posted November 6, 2003 It maybe best to stay where you are atleast until his health improves, providing he does. It is not good to make big decisions if you are emotional. Even though he as full blown AIDS there are cocktails that he can take to decrease his viral load and increase his T-cells. It can help prolong his life.
Stone Posted November 6, 2003 Posted November 6, 2003 I send my condolences to your partner and you. And hope everything works out for you, Don't make any big decisions while you are hurt, let everything settle then go from there
Daveysgurl Posted November 6, 2003 Posted November 6, 2003 I think you should ask yourself what you would feel more comfortable doing with your life. You are indeed viewing it from a financial and career point of view. But would you feel comfortable falling even more so in love with him and losing him later, or would you rather be losing him now? If you love him enough to want to go through the emotional pain of staying by his side till the end then you should go to him. However if you would feel better to become strong now to prevent something so emotional, then concentrate on what you really want in life. It's going to be really hard and you probably feel as though you've reached a fork in the road but remember it's okay to be selfish with life changing decisions because it's your life. I had a friend who died from AIDS two years ago. It was great being around him, and we knew he was going to go but we made his life worth it. We thought we were all prepared to lose him, However when I went to his memorial and everyone spoke of him it brought back memories of how great he was and, it made us feel like he was there, in everyone of us. It was especially difficult for his partner of 14 yrs. Although he was prepared for it, it was still a very shocking and mournful experience. He cried for the longest time, It was a very sad thing just to watch I couldn't imagine going through it. (Just for a moment step in these shoes and see what you feel and you will find your answer)
Author skystarr77 Posted November 6, 2003 Author Posted November 6, 2003 This just sucks! I keep having panic attacks and dread going home every night. Its hard to see so much of him in our apartment. He hasn't even gotten his stuff.. is asking me to ship it to him. At least I've scheduled a therapist appointment now... I really need to talk to a professional...
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