pocoyo Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 This facinates me as it's something I don't have an awful lot of. Define confidence and why it is so attractive? I was at a dance class at my gym a couple of months ago. The dance instructor was slightly overweight, maybe in her early 40's and not what i would class as particularly attractive. However, during the class, when she really started dancing, her confidence bloomed and she became really attractive to me!!! I'm straight and from purly having confidence, i found myself attracted to a women who I didn't originally class as an attractive person. I read things about how to imporve your attractiveness without changing a thing in your appearance. I'm just curious really, as to how other people view this and maybe any stories they have? :-) Pocoyo.
HsMomma Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 This facinates me as it's something I don't have an awful lot of. Define confidence and why it is so attractive? I was at a dance class at my gym a couple of months ago. The dance instructor was slightly overweight, maybe in her early 40's and not what i would class as particularly attractive. However, during the class, when she really started dancing, her confidence bloomed and she became really attractive to me!!! I'm straight and from purly having confidence, i found myself attracted to a women who I didn't originally class as an attractive person. I read things about how to imporve your attractiveness without changing a thing in your appearance. I'm just curious really, as to how other people view this and maybe any stories they have? :-) Pocoyo. Pocoyo, as trite as it sounds, confidence really does come from the inside - has very little to do with our outward appearances. I grew up incredibly overweight; however, at about 17, I guess my dormant metabolism starting kicking in & I lost over 40 lbs. All of a sudden, I was this little thing I'd never been. I STILL had no confidence, though, as I still felt like the fat girl. It took me til I was in my 30's to really develop confidence. I began by (as a part of my job) starting to teach adult learners in a healthcare setting. I had to "fake" it at first (the confidence), but soon it became real (the whole "fake it til you make it" thing. Now, if you were to meet me, I'd probably appear as a very confident woman, as I feel good about who I am. Same as your dance instructor - I'm not some model-looking thing - I'm about 5'3", am a size 6/8, and ok looking...but I am very confident in who & what I am. I find confidence in someone incredibly attractive - NOT cockiness, but confidence.
Author pocoyo Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 So do i :-) Why do you think people find it so attractive? And what defines a confident person?
HsMomma Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 So do i :-) Why do you think people find it so attractive? And what defines a confident person? Because I think we as a society perceive lack of confidence as a weakness in people (which isn't necessarily true at all). A confident person, IMO, is someone who knows who/what they are & in the words of a dear friend of mine, "is comfortable in their own skin." I think once you have peace with those things, confidence just naturally follows.
kahn2154 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It really sucks when you don't have it. You really can't fake confidence because at some point the other person will figure out you are insecure. But can't get it without experience, so basically if have no self worth you can't get a date because you have no confidence and can't gain confidence because you can't get a date
HsMomma Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It really sucks when you don't have it. You really can't fake confidence because at some point the other person will figure out you are insecure. But can't get it without experience, so basically if have no self worth you can't get a date because you have no confidence and can't gain confidence because you can't get a date Oh yes, you can, Kahn...I'm not saying be dishonest...I'm saying that you can indeed ACT confidently, even when you're shaking inside. You do that enough times & other people will see you as confident. When that happens, you begin to see yourself as more confident. Insecurity & confidence are not necessarily mutually exclusive - it's just the difference between CONVEYING confidence vs. conveying insecurity. Self-worth is a totally different issue altogether - you MUST have a belief in your self-worth as an individual before you can begin to gain confidence. Have you ever started something new? A new job? A new hobby? Something along those lines? When you start, there's what's known as a learning curve - nobody expects you to be an expert from your first time...as you learn more about the job/hobby/whatever, you gain confidence. Same in the real world.
Lizzie60 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I honesly think that confidence comes with age.. When I was younger, I was extremely jealous, had poor self-esteem (like most young girls).. was very emotionally dependant... especially with my first ex... Then you get older.. your way of thinking changes.. you finally realize that jealousy, neediness, etc... doesn't take you nowhere and are detrimental to your well-being.. it takes time though to feel that way. I think that a confident person, doesn't really give a shyt what other people think.. they do what they think is good for them... the way they talk, the way they stand.. everything about them yells 'independance' ... They do NOT need other people to make them happy.. if they are 'alone' one day or one weekend.. they find something to do.. they don't rely on anyone for THEIR happiness.
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