joel Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 just got home from a so called date or hang out with a female friend i met at this internet place. fist time we met , we chatted on msn and i asked her to go out for coffee, well she agreed. today was the 4th time we hung out and we went to watch transformers and then ate at a restaurant -i walked her back to her apartment and while we were walking and almost to her place i put my arm around her and she shrugged it off and then i tried to hold her hand and she shake it off and said hahaha only bf do that in my cutlure-- i paid for the restaurant meal -came to 20.78 she ordered a alcohiol drink and i ordered wraps and i let her have some and she paid for the movie. fine last time we walked around univ campus and i bought her bubble tea and ice cream. so what is this. she agreed to go out with me one one one 4x's and the 4th time i tried to hold her hand and get shrugged off and my arm aorund her and she shrugged it off. what does she want. what is this.i mean she agrees to go out wiht me and hang out but when you try to hold her -put my arm around her, hold her hand-she shurggs it off. i complimetn her and flirt with her and i think its ok-she says thanks and shes a jokester too . always laughing. is it too early to be physical and touching her-is she shy , is she not interested, what is happening. i mean i don;t send a email saying --hey hows it going nice pic, your cute. any plans for weeekend ., want meet for coffee sometime. ---just so i can make female freinds . i am not going out with a girl one on one and paying for her and if she just want friends- for gf and dating yesss. she is also asian been in vancouver for like 2 months . i am a local vancouver asian chinese guy from and live in vancouver. sometimes or maybe i think she might just want a friend to hangout with in a new city or someting .
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 She said only BFs do that. I don't understand what's so hard to understand. Have you ASKED her to be your GF? Maybe in her culture, it's understood that you ask that rather than just assuming in western culture. Ask. If she says no, then stop taking her out. You're a meal-ticket. But if she says yes - she was just waiting for you to grab your pair and do the asking.
Author joel Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 She said only BFs do that. I don't understand what's so hard to understand. Have you ASKED her to be your GF? Maybe in her culture, it's understood that you ask that rather than just assuming in western culture. Ask. If she says no, then stop taking her out. You're a meal-ticket. But if she says yes - she was just waiting for you to grab your pair and do the asking. well how do i ask her to be my gf. do you just ask "hey do you want to be my gf" do you just ask like on phone or email or in person and when we just went out 3x's actually. first time was coffee second time was walking around univ campus and drink bubble tea, and third was today movie and restaurant
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Well, I'm kind of surprised you didn't just ask when she said only BFs do that. That was a major opening. Could have slid in with, "Oh, I'd LOVE to be your BF. So does that mean I can consider you my GF?" I don't know. I'm not some smooth guy. I'm a girl. Generally in OUR culture, I realize I'm the GF when we spend an insane amount of time together and/or he introduces me as such to other people. But I guess if I had to take a stab at it, I'd ask her on another date - something quiet and intimate. Like maybe cook her dinner. Then over dinner, tell her you'd like to be exclusive and be BF/GF - would she like that? But be clear - it'll look totally transparent if you ask that, she agrees, and then you can't be respectful of her personal space. Don't jump on her immediately after. LOL You'll still need to be respectful. Hopefully somebody with experience dating a girl from this culture can shed more light.
Author joel Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Well, I'm kind of surprised you didn't just ask when she said only BFs do that. That was a major opening. Could have slid in with, "Oh, I'd LOVE to be your BF. So does that mean I can consider you my GF?" I don't know. I'm not some smooth guy. I'm a girl. Generally in OUR culture, I realize I'm the GF when we spend an insane amount of time together and/or he introduces me as such to other people. But I guess if I had to take a stab at it, I'd ask her on another date - something quiet and intimate. Like maybe cook her dinner. Then over dinner, tell her you'd like to be exclusive and be BF/GF - would she like that? But be clear - it'll look totally transparent if you ask that, she agrees, and then you can't be respectful of her personal space. Don't jump on her immediately after. LOL You'll still need to be respectful. Hopefully somebody with experience dating a girl from this culture can shed more light. why the heck she go out with me in the first place then. me and her one on one. first time coffee, second time walk around univ campus and drinks, and third time today, just me and her. how can u make it clear next time-do u just say lets go out on a date
red shoes Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 There's no point being frustrated here. It's the getting-to-know-each-other period. Like soulsearch said, she could be waiting for you to ask her to be your gf. She could also be teasing you. It could also be her culture. You won't know sitting in front of your computer. Best bet is to ask her next time. As for your question about being clear the next time, saying "let's go on a date" may not be a bad idea.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Joel, I can be DATING a guy and have a romantic interest in him...but it does NOT automatically mean he's my BF. I'm sorry, that's just not the case. I don't understand what's so hard about asking her to be your GF. I still think "want to go on a date" is vague. I think the issue is CULTURAL and you have not formally asked her to be your GF. I'm just sayin. Or, you know, you could ASK her how the BF/GF thing works in her culture. It sounds pretty old-fashioned - like asking a girl's parents if you can marry her. I seriously don't get what's so hard about this. But then, when I'm serious about somebody, I have no problem asking really deep, probing questions and I'm not embarassed about that. If I were in your shoes, I would have already asked how things work in the other person's culture. Mostly because I'm a curious person in general, but also because I'd like to know what steps I'm supposed to take to honor their culture.
Author joel Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Joel, I can be DATING a guy and have a romantic interest in him...but it does NOT automatically mean he's my BF. I'm sorry, that's just not the case. I don't understand what's so hard about asking her to be your GF. I still think "want to go on a date" is vague. I think the issue is CULTURAL and you have not formally asked her to be your GF. I'm just sayin. Or, you know, you could ASK her how the BF/GF thing works in her culture. It sounds pretty old-fashioned - like asking a girl's parents if you can marry her. I seriously don't get what's so hard about this. But then, when I'm serious about somebody, I have no problem asking really deep, probing questions and I'm not embarassed about that. If I were in your shoes, I would have already asked how things work in the other person's culture. Mostly because I'm a curious person in general, but also because I'd like to know what steps I'm supposed to take to honor their culture. hehe i will ask her. do i just ask directly hey i been going out with you a few tiems and i like you, do you want to be my gf. ----sound good. seems like i get more girls saying no and just want to hang out with me as a friend than a bf. or just even to hang out and nothing more. sounds weird yes but i am like rusty in the dating scnene and ontop of it i am also inexperienced. i am also a late bloomer too. embrassing ah yes. that why i am asking these questions do you think 3 dates we went out is enough time or do you think i should go out with her more to find out before asking. like wooo her more before asking i just want to now where i stand. since i am very objective orietned.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 do i just ask directly hey i been going out with you a few tiems and i like you, do you want to be my gf. ----sound good. Yes. If she says "no" and wants to keep "hanging out," drop her like a bad habit. People like this are not worth your time. If this is the case, as I stated before, you're being used as a meal ticket. Otherwise, hopefully she's just been waiting for you to ask. You never know until you ASK. Good luck.
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