She had told me she cheated on me, just not the truth

[Jackson24]

Its long...

So my girlfriend cheated on me while she was on ecstasy at a party about a month into our relationship. She said they kissed and nothing else happened. I'm an idiot. She told me a week later, and swore nothing else happened. 5 months go by and the convo of this night comes up because I find out that she invited one of her best friends to the party (a guy) and didn't invite me, though earlier she claimed she had forgotten to invite me cuz she wasnt sober. She ended up telling me that, that week (spring break of course) she just wanted to party and get it all out. She said that in a much softer way, but i know thats what she meant, but she says she never meant to hook up with anyone. This started it all, after interrogating her it ends up like this: they went into the room(her and the random guy who gave her the ecstasy),they got naked, got on top of eachother, he gave her oral sex, and from what I gathered, they didn't have sex bc he could not get hard bc of the X.

Now the hard part, I forgave her 5 months ago, for what she had told me. Since then, she never wants to go to parties; she won't drink unless I'm around. We've grown so much closer, we literally spend 8-10 hours everyday with eachother. I've never had such a deep relationship with anybody. I can be the same person I am in front of the mirror with her. Are personalities match and we never get tired of eachother. I forgave her, but its such a hard situation. We had been together a month "unofficially" bc she broke up with her ex for me. So no one knew about us. It had really only been about two weeks into our relationship when it happened, and she was not sober. And she has changed so much since then. She really is a different person now. I just don't understand how she could do that to me. By the way, neither does she; she said she feels like a disgusting person, cried her eyes out, puked, and passed out from lack of breath. This was also due to me pushing her(not physically), asking what really happened, cuz it took that long to get the truth. My feelings for her havent changed but im angry. And the ecstasy makes it so confusing bc i dont know if anyone can stop themselves. But i almost feel like i want to put my love to the test, and see if i can take ecstasy and not try to have sex with a girl who is willing. And even if I could stop myself, she's a different person now. What the hell do I do? I dont know which way is up. I want to forgive her, i want to love her and at the same time.. I want to text another girl, not bc i like this other girl (I dont at all) I just want to in spite of her. I dont want to cheat on my gf, I just have this horrible feeing to balance the scales, which i know is not the solution. A part of me does want her to know how these pictures in my head of them naked together feel by cheating on her. Im angry and I'm hurt, and I cant believe I would even say I want to hurt her. She means so much to me and I love her but the anger is so much, I dont know if ill even be able to look at her the same. I keep going back and forth, back and forth.

 

SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.

[Fahrenhate]

this sounds like the plot of a serial killer movie .

 

ok srsly now, what can you do? mostly nothing. you see, us, humans, are spiteful by nature and love oughta counteract that sht. personally, i just think you need to get that sht outta yer system in any way that you can. teh less damaging way is punching a wall in rage, that will clear yer hormons out like a dead guy fart in funeral home. `brake yer arm, tho.

 

anyway, jackie jack, i wish you teh best of luck. and if not, you`ll alwayz have Paris .

[Lucky_One]

Honestly, I don't see how you are going to get over this, if you haven't in 5 months with her being totally contrite.

 

Drugs are sh*t. They do sh*t for you, they make you behave in stupid ways that you never would do ordinarily. She seems heartily sorry that she ever participated in this night, she does not engage in ANY risk taking behaviors now. She has done everything she can to show you that she does not want that sort of stupid partying lifestyle.

 

If you can't get over this by now, with what she has shown you and by what you say you feel for her, then I would suggest you either fix it FAST or let her go to find someone who won't hold this over her head forever.

[dg136]

Its not like you havent forgiven her in 5 months....You just found about new details about what had happened...details that hurt more and more difficult to forgive....

 

I dont think you should do anything with another girl to spite her...that would just spiral down the situation and make things worse and believe me you wont feel any better...dont lower yourself to doing that...

 

The anger is so much...I know because I feel it right now since I am in a similar situation....I really think you need to let time pass by and the images will fade away....focus on your good memories and the good times you spend together... give her another chance but very careful about what she does... where she goes who she calls for a while until she can gain back your trust.... tell her that she has breached your trust and that she will need to prove to you that you can trust her again....drugs or no drugs, cheating is not excusable...she should not have taken X in the first place without you being there....

[Untouchable_Fire]

I want to text another girl, not bc i like this other girl (I dont at all) I just want to in spite of her. I dont want to cheat on my gf, I just have this horrible feeing to balance the scales, which i know is not the solution. A part of me does want her to know how these pictures in my head of them naked together feel by cheating on her. Im angry and I'm hurt, and I cant believe I would even say I want to hurt her. She means so much to me and I love her but the anger is so much, I dont know if ill even be able to look at her the same. I keep going back and forth, back and forth.

SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.

 

She is STILL lying to you! The other ugy couldn't get hard... please.

 

I don't think it is up to you to balance the scales. She made this mess, and its should be her job to clean it up. Tell her how you feel and ask her what she intends to do to fix it.

 

It's not your job to just suck it up and move on. She needs to make you feel better about this somehow... and if she can't/won't... is that the kind of woman you want to spend you life with?

 

Personally, I would just find someone better. I know your relationship feels good right now, but there is much better out there.

[Dexter Morgan]

Jackson....dump her. She invites a guy she wants to bone to a party, but not you? If anything you should be welcome to ALL of any parties she has. Claimed to have forgotten to invite her boyfriend to a party? ya, thats a good one.

 

Get rid of her. She is worthless.

[Javelin]

Jackson....dump her. She invites a guy she wants to bone to a party, but not you? If anything you should be welcome to ALL of any parties she has. Claimed to have forgotten to invite her boyfriend to a party? ya, thats a good one.

 

Get rid of her. She is worthless.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself.