theembersarise Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Hi all. I have no idea how to write this down but thought this has to be worth a shot at some unbiased advice. I have been with my wife for 8 years, ( 3 married next month ) weve had some rough times, very rough times, we lost a daughter when we were both very young, weve both had an unfair amount of death around us the last few years but the one thing that was always good was us. She is my best friend, my wife and everything i always wanted. For our anniversary next month it was planned down to the moment, including giving her the letters from an estate agent about buying a home together ( renting the place were in has been stressful ) Well long story short i thought everything was getting better, seemed to be less stress and to me at least life was becoming great again. Which makes it even worse that this is the time shes chosen to leave. She went away with couple girlfriends 2 weeks ago, i knew something was wrong when she came back 4 days overdue after pretty much no contact. She says she cant do it anymore, the stress of work, bills, my illness ( i have arthritis that effects several joints and makes walking some days hard to do ) shes been bottling it up for the last couple of years she says and for whatever reason didnt feel able to talk to me about it. When she was away she shared a kiss and the beginning of a night with another man that made her feel right. She says that she dosent love me anymore. I dont know how ive been so blind if shes been hurting that much for me not to see it. The worst confusion now is that she wont even talk to me about it, has just completely written off our marriage, im attending counselling this evening for the first time with a relationship counsellor near me here, part of the way they work is that the offer has to be made for partner to attend also, and she outright said no. She says shes sorry for giving up on us but thats the way it is. As of tonight shes moving out. Im left with nothing when i thought i was on my way to everything, my wife, my best friend, my home, my possessions are all gone. I have a history of depression and this is tipping me over the edge. I know there is nothing i can say to make her stay and fight but its horrible how easily everything i held dear has been cast aside, she says she dosent want a divorce but just needs some alone time to do the things she needs to do for her own sake, shes an aspiring artist and plans to do community projects and the things shes wanted to rather than being stuck in a 9-5. Anyway just wanted to vent, hoping the counsellor will be able to reassure me to some extent things will be good again, but losing everything within one week feels like its killing me. know its early days but i have no idea how to go on when the one person i want to run to for comfort is dead set on starting herself afresh. James.
LakesideDream Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Sad James, very sad. If you read through the posts here, and in other catagories you will find that your story is not unusual. Great numbers of posters here, much of the community have suffered the same fate as you. I realize this sounds terrible. Defeatest. It's not. There are success stories. Read posts by Owl. He's experinaced with recovery. Lots of other posters will offer you good advice. Some posters not so much, or at least their style will see angry, bitter.... anti "mate". Understand their stories, you will lern about yours. Finally. Welcome to our little patch of emotion. I trust that LoveShack will help you work through this period. And of course, best of luck from LSD. May your journey end well.
Bobby2010 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 She says that she dosent love me anymore. Just had this said to me, I can't think of a worse thing to hear. The worst confusion now is that she wont even talk to me about it Same. She doesn't like the talking as it is depressing. Poor her. As of tonight shes moving out. Im left with nothing when i thought i was on my way to everything, my wife, my best friend, my home, my possessions are all gone. You're not alone. Let us know how the counseling goes, I'd be there too if I hadn't moved abroad for this girl.
Author theembersarise Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 back again, talking to the counsellor at the time didnt seem to help, but made me feel more able to sit down properly and talk about things with my wife. by properly i mean not coming across as a loser by falling apart on her a bit which does noone any favours. we went for a walk outside and had a sit away from everyone and everything, both opened up a bit, me more i will admit but she did some too which is more than i had, were having a seperation, she needs to know who she is to herself a bit more. As i mentioned we were together young and she feels that a part of her still needs to do the exploring and seeing things a bit more, being tied down is making her depressed, shes not running but everything else has overriden the love in the marriage, were not getting a divorce, and were still gonna talk regularly, neither of us are saying its over just that time apart is needed for her to learn herself and in regards to me let her learn to love me again. If thats possible anyway, sorry for lack of decent grammer in this im spilling it all out as this just happened and i need to put it down into words whilst my minds clear, however temporarily that is. Its gutting that this needs to happen but i can accept that it does. If at this stage it was forced thered be no hope of a future, where as with some time and a bit of courting along the road who knows.
Author theembersarise Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 wow major downturn, were moving out now, packing up all our things, every memory i have is good of all of this, im not sure how to keep doing it. depression is seriously sinking in and ive even ended up cutting once or twice now. Major head**** yesterday, she managed to open a door onto herself, hit her in the face, without tihnking i was there, checked she hadnt cut herself, kissed it better and held her whilst she cried saying it was ok. She turned to me afterwards and said 'i love you' 'that hasnt gone'. My heads reeling again, going from depression to the point of stopping looking as i cross roads to the one line ive longed for the most, that now just tastes like ash in my throat, she meant it i know she did, know her that well at least, but then its right back to packing up everything we have. On the verge of just running, leaving the country now, i have nowhere to go as it is with the flat gone, i cant afford somewhere by myself and have nowhere else to go. storing things at grandparents house 70 miles away for now, dont know what to do...
GuttedIRL Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I really feel for you mate. Im going through a very similar situation at the moment. My partner of 12 years has left. Says she doesnt love me anymore other than as a father to our children. I didn't know pain like this was possible.
Author theembersarise Posted July 18, 2009 Author Posted July 18, 2009 Back again, really just feel like i need some encouragement from somewhere, She's moved out now, so im left here packing away our life together, hardest thing ive ever had to do. Out of everyone i thought i could call a friend noone seems to want to talk to me. had one friend show up yesterday as he was worried, Ive been having panic attacks, never had one before, spent hours yesterday shaking afterwards. Really not taking this well at all. trying to stop drinking, still not sleeping or eating properly, just cant seem to do it At the moment i genuinely fear for my sanity, tried to see a GP and he gave me some sleeping tablets. but they scare me, ive never been so afraid in my life, im hearing things, seeing shadows moving. There was a storm yesterday and i ended up under a desk. i love storms ! used to stand outside and watch the lightning. Yesterday the thunder scared me stupid. Just really lonely i guess and in need of any thoughts anyone might have please
TroyNJ Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 I'm so sorry for what your dealing with:(....I know how you fell, been there myself. Stay active as much as you can, work on yourself, improve anything you can about yourself. I'm affraid she has another man and will basically keep you on hold to see if it works out with him. It's important that you don't become "needy" or a doormat. Do not contact her unless it's an emergency, even though your hurting, don't let her see it. Stay strong and keep posting.
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