looking4 green grass Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I've done SO well! I read the It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken book. I followed every last step! Except complete NC b/c my stuff is still at the dude's house. I don't want to make him mad and have him ruin all my stuff. I politely responded to his text with generic messages. But, I have finally found a place to move to and will be signing a lease for August, when I can get my stuff and initiate full NC. I was rocking my break over. Now he's started the old "I've changed" routine this week. I went from "get out of my house" to "omg I've made the biggest mistake ever and I've lost the greatest gf I've ever had please take me back." I have stayed strong! I've stuck to my guns. Because honestly, do you kick the love of your life out of your house in the middle of her last semester of grad school and make her couch surf during crunch time? I say probably not. Do you continue to talk to no less than SIX girls you either dated/slept with for the entire time your gf lived with you? Again, I say NOOOO! Do you tell your one and only that she has to deal with these girls b/c they are "good friends." BS!!!!!!!! Is sharing a bed in a hotel room with a girl (who he claims there is nothing with) ever ok? Yeah........right. Do you refuse to introduce said FABULOUSLY WONDERFUL gf to your friends b/c they are only "bar friends" and not that important?? (and three of those aforementioned "good friends" are part of that group?) Let me check my magic 8 ball....it says "highly unlikely" When said AMAZING gf signs you two up for counseling to fix it, do you cancel because you have to play a pick up game of volleyball and heaven forbid anyone miss a pick up lunch time volleyball game? ..............(speechless) So now that I have been gone for 6 weeks, and moving on (literally, moving from couch to couch) he suddenly see's the error of his ways and wants to go to counseling, wants to make it right, wants to be with me and marry me. Is it just me, or does this sound fishy? Is he suddenly lonely? Did whatever girl he thought was better than me reject him? Should I even care? I'm going to go with a probably not. I am cute, very smart, witty, slightly crazy, fun, fabulous, and yes, probably the best thing that was ever going to give him a chance. Don't let me go back people! I deserve better!!! (He used the "but I'll ask you to marry me" line......he knew right where to aim!!!! Saaaaaaaaaave me!!! lol)
Author looking4 green grass Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 And now I am reading How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk for the second time. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
Beeotch Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Oh please....he needs to go on somewhere else with that garbage. I am inspired by your confidence. Keep it up! What he has done is INEXCUSABLE...and simply saying "Sorry"....does not suffice. NEXT! If he has changed...good for him. He should want to change his sorry ways for himself and not for you. You don't deserve a chance because you've changed...if you truly have changed then you did yourself a great service and the next woman who you will be with. As for you hon, you don't need to test out his new found change....it is not worth it.
moo Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 that guy sounds like a real f**K head. My ex is one too. They can hold hands and lead each other to h*ll.
Faded Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Saaaaaaaaaave me!!! I think the only thing I can tell you is.. When you're in doubt - Come back here and read what you wrote. You sound like a fantastic girl, someone a guy would be lucky to land. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve - Which is seemingly -way- more than what that guy has to offer.
Author looking4 green grass Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 I think writing it all out was the key! I was actually contemplating giving it another chance, but really.....1.) He sucks. 2.) I'm still homeless thanks to him. 3.) He really sucks. What on earth was I thinking? There is a guy out there for me? Right? I hate starting over. All but one friend is married (I'm in her wedding this fall), and all but a few have kids. It's hard to not want that too, but I don't want to be stuck in a miserable marriage either. *sigh* I must stay strong! I must not go back. It's hard b/c there aren't any men interested in dating me that I am also interested in. I need to tell myself to get a grip and slow down, the guy will come eventually.
SRTtoZ Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 This guy sounds like a complete douche, but on the whole Change topic...Change can happen. Read the book "Change or Die"...its very possible the only problem is most people dont want to change.
evaG Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Ewwwwwwww..... imagine all the STDs he may carry from sleeping around. I mean, six is just what you know of. Seriously, reread what you just wrote and see if you can live with that for the rest of your life. Say things aren't going well in your marriage and he's going to kick you out again and sleep with his lady "friends"? Will you let him do that to you after ever committment-phobe expisode he goes through? HELL NO.
stace79 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 And now I am reading How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk for the second time. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Just keep reminding yourself how doubly or triply awful you will feel should you give him another chance, only to find out it was really BS just like you think? Then you would have to go through all the heartache over again, and it will hurt more because you'll also have a good dose of "how could I ever be such an idiot to think this guy would change?" Trust me, I did it TWICE. I gave a guy two second chances. It never changes. Guys never change.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Guys never change. And this is where we disagree. Through immense introspection and knowledge of psychology, I changed over a very long period of time, on my own accord. Drastically.
moo Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I am taking my changes seriously, esp. with the therapy I'm getting. I had asked my ex twice to go with me to see a couple's counselor. He said "no" both times. Next time I know, the first time a bf says "no," to counseling and we are in trouble, then it's time to leave. I want to change to be a better partner. My ex doesnt' want to change. He searches and searches for women who will put up with his crap and then presents them as crazy women when they don't . I really do believe that people can change, but it is very hard, takes a long time, lots of work and therapy. I guess the most important thing is that you have to have the good insight to realize that something is wrong. If you don't have that, no change will come and you will just keep hurting people.
Author looking4 green grass Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 As a therapist, his veto of counseling really ticked me off!!! It's part of what I DO FOR A LIVING. So I do believe that with therapy, hard work, dedication, and a long time, that a person can truly change, and I thought I could help him do that. I myself have changed SO much from two years of therapy. Before I would have stuck it out hoping desperately to get an engagement ring. Now I can walk away and say GOODBYE BUTTHEAD. (Ok, there's still a tiny part, but it's fighting a losing battle at the moment.) So yeah, sure, he MIGHT change. However, it's going to take more than 6 weeks of being lonely. Suddenly I see why his ex wife left his sorry self and moved back to her home state. I'd leave too!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And to be on the safe side, I pulled a crazy girl move. I HAD to know if he was still talking to these random girls, so I stalked them on facebook and sent them messages. Yes, it was insane to do this, however, I got my answers loud and clear. RED FLAG central. He lies. He has not changed and I had the emails to prove it. Of course he says they are lying and making things up, but I believe them. Hell, I even called one girl b/c I had her number and just explained what was going on. She informed me she was engaged and that my ex kept bugging her. lol I admit, it made my day. THEN. Oh yes folks, there's more. He tells me that while he is off "changing" he will not see other women out of respect for me and that he doesn't want me to meet or date anyone either out of respect for him because that would hurt him too much and he doesn't know if he could get back with me after that. Did he miss the part where he's trying to get me back and I keep saying no? I told him no thank you, yet again, and he got all angry and told me if I was going to act that he didn't want me back anyway. At 36 years old he should get a clue. I'm signing a lease this week for the beginning of August. Please oh wise and wonderful people of this forum, keep me sane until then. I can get my stuff, initiate NC and be DONE WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
moo Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 You can do it. Gosh, that guy sounds like a poop head. He sounds like he has fungus growing all over his personality. He's a loser, a slut, and a bombaclot. It sounds like where his heart should be is a pool of vomit instead. Remind yourself of these truths, as many times as you need to.
Author looking4 green grass Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 ooooh oooooooh oooooh oooooh Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive! One more day! I made it through another one. I rock. Go me. You can do this self. I always come here and post late at night when I want to call him and tell him what a &%#@$ he is! It keeps me from saying something bad.
moo Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 me too! I made it too! I put a large note on the phone that says "NC ALL THE WAY." Hurray for me!
babiedoll131984 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 There is a guy out there for me? Right? I hate starting over. All but one friend is married (I'm in her wedding this fall), and all but a few have kids. It's hard to not want that too, but I don't want to be stuck in a miserable marriage either. *sigh* I must stay strong! I must not go back. It's hard b/c there aren't any men interested in dating me that I am also interested in. I need to tell myself to get a grip and slow down, the guy will come eventually. I know how you feel. All my friends are married or in a long term relationship. I am happy for all of them but wonder why I can't have what they have. Then I remember that I wasted 8 years on a ***hole and a realtionship that was going nowhere. I should have listened to everyone when they told me to run.
carhill Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 OP, gain support in the NC buddy thread linked in my signature. Your story sounds amazingly similar (except for the eviction) to a friend's situation. IMO, focus on finishing your schooling and processing the lessons learned from this relationship. The future awaits
babiedoll131984 Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 OP, gain support in the NC buddy thread linked in my signature. Your story sounds amazingly similar (except for the eviction) to a friend's situation. IMO, focus on finishing your schooling and processing the lessons learned from this relationship. The future awaits Looking 4 green grass, I will be you NC buddy. I think I need some help too.
Recommended Posts