flyerboy48 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I have been having some tought times with the girl that I have dated the past two years. Her family (just her mother and sister....not her aunts/uncles/cousinns/friends, etc) hate me for some reason. And as we grew real close, she has decided to cut everything off. (this happened about 4 weeks ago). She still calls me every day and so forth. So we finally sat down and talked about it all. She said that she loves me a lot and loves spending time with me but she is not in love with me right now. She doesn't want to have a serious relationship right now. Saying she is only 23 and she wants to do other things, etc. So me, who I am still madly in love with her, accepts what she has to say and try to move on. So today, she calls and wants to have lunch with her and a family friend, then she mentions going to the movies this week, then she mention going out this Friday. She just wants to keep hanging out when she wants.... What do I do? During that same conversation she was like, I want you to be for me if I find someone and she said she would be happy for me if I found someone or if we get back together that we both get happy. I just don't get it. Besides this I know that she is hanging out with one of 'ex' who she still remains friends with.... Then she says that she is usally friends for guys for a while before she dates then but with me we just clicked and were an item for 2 years. Should I keep hanging out? I do and I don't? I just don't know...
Beeotch Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I have been having some tought times with the girl that I have dated the past two years. Her family (just her mother and sister....not her aunts/uncles/cousinns/friends, etc) hate me for some reason. And as we grew real close, she has decided to cut everything off. (this happened about 4 weeks ago). She still calls me every day and so forth. So we finally sat down and talked about it all. She said that she loves me a lot and loves spending time with me but she is not in love with me right now. She doesn't want to have a serious relationship right now. Saying she is only 23 and she wants to do other things, etc. So me, who I am still madly in love with her, accepts what she has to say and try to move on. So today, she calls and wants to have lunch with her and a family friend, then she mentions going to the movies this week, then she mention going out this Friday. She just wants to keep hanging out when she wants.... What do I do? During that same conversation she was like, I want you to be for me if I find someone and she said she would be happy for me if I found someone or if we get back together that we both get happy. I just don't get it. Besides this I know that she is hanging out with one of 'ex' who she still remains friends with.... Then she says that she is usally friends for guys for a while before she dates then but with me we just clicked and were an item for 2 years. Should I keep hanging out? I do and I don't? I just don't know... Take control! Someone just doesn't get to do what they want to do at your expense. That is a part of the purpose of No Contact...it is not allowing these people to be able to have their cake and eat it too, to hang out when THEY want, talk when THEY want, have sex when THEY want, but also politely ignore your feelings then ask you to be happy for them when they discard you for a new person. You do not have to not speak to her....however, if you still are inlove with this person it is very easy for them to wrap u around their fingers and for you to allow them to have their own way.Which is why it is best sometimes to have minimal or no contact with them until you are strong enough to tell them no or to not care what they choose to do and who with. So yeaaa....take the power from her and YOU decide if and when you want to hang out. Do not just jump at her every whim...do not get strung along.Know what YOU want and need...and be firm about it. The fact that she is asking you to be happy for her if she moves on or when she does shows that she is using you for a fill-in and wants you to hold her hand and help her along this break up....it is not a good look and will probably turn out being a disaster for you. I suggest you walk away from this before it goes there. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship bc she is 23 why is she talking about if she finds someone else??? Anyway... walk away. Don't allow her to use you.
boogieboy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 She is trying to keep you in a trap that is a lie. She says "or if we get back together", but thats is never going to happen. She wants to dat other guys and she has grown tired of you. Do not talk to her, cut her off from your life, there is no reason to be friends with her for her benefit. Staying friends with her only helps her get over you faster while you stay tortured. Cut her off now, dont let her get off that easy!
ShannonTurner Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I'm going to have to agree with the previous statements as well. She's holding onto you while she looks for someone else. Women have a tendancy to fear being alone, so I think she is holding onto you for fear she won't find someone else. And if that's the case, she knows you're right there willing to get back into a relationship with her. You seems like you're pretty upset about the whole situation and she can sense it, that's why she's feeding into it. She's using you. If she broke up with you, it's best to distance yourself from her and not allow her to control you. Besides you need distance to help get over her too.
Author flyerboy48 Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Thanks guys. She has called me 3 times today already and I have ignored her calls. She left me a message asking if I had bought my sister a birthday gift yet (her birthday is Wednesday). She said that she was at the mall and was going to get one for her.....
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