SushiX Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Is it hard to get phone numbers at the club or is it just me? I been clubbing at least once a week for the last 2 months and I haven't gotten a single number. They say its a numbers game. Get rejected 10 times and you may get 1. Well, I've been rejected about 20 times now and still haven't gotten a number yet. Well, the only number I got was from a drunk girl who I was grinding up with in the club. Seconds after I left she was grinding up on another guy, so there goes her number... I don't know but I just don't have luck at the club. I don't know why. I'm polite and courteous, decent looking and definitely not a douche bag. But when I ask some girls for their numbers they would say they have boyfriend or just not interested. And there are some girls I know who say they wouldn't date a guy they met at the club because they have this mentality that guys that go clubbing often are players. Does anyone have ideas on better ways to get phone numbers at the club? I mean how can I make an impression when there are many other guys in the club trying to do the same thing as me? I just feel its so dam competitive in the club. Is it really just a numbers game like they say?
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Why would you get rid of a girls # because she was dancing with someone else? She's not your girl.. I just ask for them(for numbers)..pretty much all you can do. I hit up a large group of girls, make small talk, grab a few #'s and roll out. Call/text a couple days later and let it do, what it do.. Pretty simple concept.
boogieboy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Its not just a numbers game, its an attraction game. Yeah you have to create a rapport with a girl, you have to make her attracted to you, you have to be really interesting, and you have to engage her in a way that she doesnt feel like you are there to collect numbers. You have to be interested in her, but without asking personal questions. You need to do some research on how to approach women and hold their attention. There is a ridiculous science to it if youre not an adonis. Women in the club who say they dont pick up guys in the club are liars, they say whatever they can to get you to go away. They dont dress up for just themselves 100% of the time. And from your description of how you come off, i can picture you trying to talk to them but not seeing the signs that you lost them from Hello. What is your exact process of approaching women in these clubs?
Thornton Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 For me to give a guy my number I have to feel like we've struck up some sort of rapport and he's an interesting person who I'd like to get to know better. Plus I have to feel that he sees me as unique and interesting, and hasn't just ask for my number because he liked my looks. If I see him chatting up other girls or dancing with them, I won't give him my number - he's clearly a player who's out for anything he can get and he doesn't like me more than any other girl. If he asks for my number before he's really got to know me, I won't give it - he's obviously only asking based on my looks, because he hasn't had a chance to get to know me. This is even worse if he's only danced with me and hasn't talked to me AT ALL. If he comes across as stupid or brash or cocky, or if he's unattractive, I won't give him my number. If he's a nice attractive guy who seems genuinely interested in me as a person, we have stuff in common, he has a bit of charisma and he's not a player who flirts with loads of random girls, then I'll probably give him my number. OP, you're probably trying way too hard... if girls see you hitting on anything in a skirt they'll run a mile. Why do you want phone numbers of girls who you have nothing in common with anyway? Be a bit more selective, make a girl feel special, and you might have more luck.
boogieboy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 For me to give a guy my number I have to feel like we've struck up some sort of rapport and he's an interesting person who I'd like to get to know better. Plus I have to feel that he sees me as unique and interesting, and hasn't just ask for my number because he liked my looks. If I see him chatting up other girls or dancing with them, I won't give him my number - he's clearly a player who's out for anything he can get and he doesn't like me more than any other girl. If he asks for my number before he's really got to know me, I won't give it - he's obviously only asking based on my looks, because he hasn't had a chance to get to know me. This is even worse if he's only danced with me and hasn't talked to me AT ALL. If he comes across as stupid or brash or cocky, or if he's unattractive, I won't give him my number. If he's a nice attractive guy who seems genuinely interested in me as a person, we have stuff in common, he has a bit of charisma and he's not a player who flirts with loads of random girls, then I'll probably give him my number. OP, you're probably trying way too hard... if girls see you hitting on anything in a skirt they'll run a mile. Why do you want phone numbers of girls who you have nothing in common with anyway? Be a bit more selective, make a girl feel special, and you might have more luck. Selective doesnt work, you have to hit on whoever you can, and be sneaky while you do it. Getting one number doesnt guarantee that you, Thorton, as a woman will even pick up the phone. Thats why guys hit on so many women in the club. Thats what its for, theres tons of people to meet in there, you cant talk to just one. Girls talk to many guys also, who knows how many guys they feel they have a rapport for. Girls in the club many times know many guys, so they realize that if the guys that she gave her number to is chatting with another girl, he might know her.
Thornton Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I wouldn't even give someone my number if I didn't really like him and intend answering the phone when he calls. Maybe I'm atypical.
boogieboy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I wouldn't even give someone my number if I didn't really like him and intend answering the phone when he calls. Maybe I'm atypical. Unfortunately, thats not the way women work that frequently go to clubs. They dont want to be thought of as mean, so they give the number to make the guy go away. It sucks really. They screwed up the game, because if they were all like you, the guys would naturally work harder to get the number.
Author SushiX Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 What is your exact process of approaching women in these clubs? Depends on the situation and whats happening around us. I usually talk about the particular club where in. Compliment them on how nice they look. Ask them random questions without getting too personal. Maybe I haven't been acting interested in them enough. I don't know, but its not working out.
boogieboy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Depends on the situation and whats happening around us. I usually talk about the particular club where in. Compliment them on how nice they look. Ask them random questions without getting too personal. Maybe I haven't been acting interested in them enough. I don't know, but its not working out. Complimenting girls in the club doesnt work unless you can see they are into you. And what kind of questions do you ask them? You should be engaging them in questions that girls care about. mostly relationship stuff. And you have to have an arsenal ready. Questions like situations that happen on this board. Theres tons of material here: "do you think its wrong to break up thru text or email?" "what would you do if you had a girl who just texts too much and is a little overbearing, and shes only a friend?" "would you read your bf's email if you thought he was cheating on you?" Stuff they can sink their teeth into. Interesting stuff. In between the answers you can tease them "oh you would so do that..."
WhyYesThankYou Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 "do you think its wrong to break up thru text or email?" "what would you do if you had a girl who just texts too much and is a little overbearing, and shes only a friend?" "would you read your bf's email if you thought he was cheating on you?" Boogieboy, you often right some straight-up advice that has me nodding along... but this time I'm shaking my head in dismay. If a guy approached me in a club - or anywhere, for that matter - and opened a conversation with questions about break-up techniques and cheating, I would not be giving him my number. ...... Has that line of conversation ever worked for you?
boogieboy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Boogieboy, you often right some straight-up advice that has me nodding along... but this time I'm shaking my head in dismay. If a guy approached me in a club - or anywhere, for that matter - and opened a conversation with questions about break-up techniques and cheating, I would not be giving him my number. ...... Has that line of conversation ever worked for you? Thats just an example of an opener. After that he'd be making conversation of other things. Besides, when he brings up a breakup, he would give an example of how its happening to his friend. With young girls in a club you have to do these things, because youre competing against adonis' and meatheads, and you have to make yourself extremely interesting and fun to keep their attention. I have used it and it works, because it stimulates a debate sometimes, which gets interesting. You include their friends into it, and everyone loves you. Then I tangent off to other things. Theres alot more to it than just the opening line. usually the women forget about the opening line after Ive moved on to other things. The point is he has to go up to these women with substantial conversation material. Its possible that he is losing momentum with these women because he isnt ready with sufficient things to talk about, which would help him attract them to him.
WhyYesThankYou Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Thats just an example of an opener. ... I have used it and it works, because it stimulates a debate sometimes, which gets interesting. ... The point is he has to go up to these women with substantial conversation material. Someone's been studying his pick-up textbooks. I agree that substantive conversation is important, and you don't want to just do the whole, "What's your name, where are you from, what do you do" thing. But personally I find it a little off-putting when someone just comes up to me and starts into a substantive conversation without any form of introduction. If I were in a club and a guy came up to me and went, "So my friend is breaking up with his girlfriend, and I was wondering..." I'd feel like - huh? Do I know you from somewhere? Plus, personally, of all the substantive things in the world a guy could talk about in the first 60 seconds of meeting me, if he picks break-ups, cheating, or anything to do with negative aspects of dating, I'd switch off. The first 60 seconds of a relationship, at least, should be free of that sort of drama!!! I'm happy it's worked for you, but it wouldn't work for me. Also, as girls become more aware of these formal pick-up techniques, they're going to become skeptical of those sorts of controversial openers. For me, a good opening line for a guy to use is just something like, "Hi, how's your night going?" If he says this with a smile, is reasonably sober, is polite, and can get through that entire question without his eyes dropping to my cleavage or drifting toward the passing blonde, then he will get my attention and a response. If he actually listens to that response, so much the better.
boogieboy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 For me, a good opening line for a guy to use is just something like, "Hi, how's your night going?" If he says this with a smile, is reasonably sober, is polite, and can get through that entire question without his eyes dropping to my cleavage or drifting toward the passing blonde, then he will get my attention and a response. If he actually listens to that response, so much the better. The pick up textbooks is only for the young girls, or the women who get too many pickups. They dont go for the "hi hows your night going" openers, thats what all the corny guys say. I'd never say that, because I dont know you, why would I care how your night is going? I hate when people ask me "how are you?" They dont really give a shiit, so I would never ask such a question. That doesnt engage any conversation that will be interesting. All you would say is "Its fine!" Id be lucky if you asked me how my night was, then Id still have to open with something that sparks an interesting conversation. So what would you suggest he say next to keep this going to keep your interest?
WhyYesThankYou Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 I've got it! The best pick-up line ever!! "Hi - I'm helping my best friend recover from his recent breakup, and since he's just getting back in the dating game, I was wondering - what do you think is a good pick-up line?" :lmao: ...no? okay. I'd never say that, because I dont know you, why would I care how your night is going? That's my point - you don't know her, but you're trying to. You may as well ask something that's sincerely about her rather than asking her opinion on the best way to dump someone. You don't know her; why would you be asking her that sort of question? She might be a sociopath, in which case her opinion would be of little use from a substantive point of view. I guess my point is that it's not so much about the opening line as it is about how it's delivered. If you approach a girl with a nice smile and good eye contact, that counts for way more than distractedly delivering a canned line for the 8th time that night while simultaneously scanning the room for other opportunities in case this one doesn't work out. So what would you suggest he say next to keep this going to keep your interest? I think if he can pick out something in the environment to talk about, that's good - it's neutral and gives an opportunity for people to express their opinions without making things too personal. So, for instance... (examples of abbreviated conversation paths that hopefully lead to a date) "I like old pubs like this, I really like the wood panelling and the style of the windows. What sort of architecture do you like? Oh? Really? What sort of art? Hey, I like going to the West Art Gallery sometimes, would you be interested in coming with me? There's some paintings I'd like to hear your thoughts on. What's your number, I can call you to make a time." or "Wow, this music is loud - do you usually listen to this style of music? Huh. I like rock, myself. Hey, do you play any instruments? Do you sing? I know a cafe that has live music, it's much quieter than this, you can actually have a conversation there. It'd be nice to go there with you sometime and we can talk more. Could I get your number?" The thread is really about scoring a number, not delivering pick-up lines... so that's how I'd like to be approached. Those are the sort of approaches that have worked on me. But I am only one LS reader - I'm sure others have different views.
boogieboy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 You may as well ask something that's sincerely about her rather than asking her opinion on the best way to dump someone. You don't know her; why would you be asking her that sort of question? She might be a sociopath, in which case her opinion would be of little use from a substantive point of view. The question makes for a big interesting discussion about morals. Young girls LOVE talking about things that THEY can relate to, and relationships is the easiest and most general. If shes appears to be a sociopath, he can either move on to somoene else or bang a crazy chick. Asking about her too soon is getting too personal, and young girls dont want to give personal info that early, if she isnt feeling instant attraction by his looks. If you approach a girl with a nice smile and good eye contact, that counts for way more than distractedly delivering a canned line for the 8th time that night while simultaneously scanning the room for other opportunities in case this one doesn't work out. it does when the woman is older, or if the guy is really good looking. The reason the canned lines are used is because a nice smile, good eye contact and regular openers dont work in most young club scenarios. For instance, Im a black guy, in jersey, I go to clubs with alot of white girls who generally dont look to date black guys. They look at me and think "ugh", until I start shocking them with game. So my smile and good eye contact dont cut it. I have to catch their interest, or I will lose them in 20 seconds. Same for mature white women. (with mature material) Its just the way it is. "I like old pubs like this, I really like the wood panelling and the style of the windows. What sort of architecture do you like? Oh? Really? What sort of art? Hey, I like going to the West Art Gallery sometimes, would you be interested in coming with me? There's some paintings I'd like to hear your thoughts on. What's your number, I can call you to make a time." or "Wow, this music is loud - do you usually listen to this style of music? Huh. I like rock, myself. Hey, do you play any instruments? Do you sing? I know a cafe that has live music, it's much quieter than this, you can actually have a conversation there. It'd be nice to go there with you sometime and we can talk more. Could I get your number?" Getting a number isnt his only goal, because most of the times you call the number and the girl doesnt respond. He wants to be able to keep it going with her. He has to spend ALOT more time with her than just asking a couple questions and then asking for the number. He has to have an arsenal of things to talk about, because younger girls give short answers for a while until they begin to feel comfortable.
WhyYesThankYou Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Ahhh, now see, we're talking about a whole range of variables that come into play in chatting up a girl and getting her number. Ages, maturity levels, expectations, race... ...and it sucks that race comes into play for some people. But I acknowledge that it does. [moment of seething at close-mindedness ] You keep talking about "young girls." Is it really about age, or is it about maturity and expectations? I'm 33, but even when I was 18, the same rules applied. All I'm looking for is a guy to be polite, respectful, engage me in conversation about something, and ask for my number in a way that looks like he's going to actually use it to ask me out on a date. Since you're referring to young girls - maybe we're talking at cross purposes. Maybe you (and the OP) want to just chat up girls to get their numbers for fun, you know, maybe go out, hook up... I guess I'm looking at it in terms of looking potentially for a longer-term relationship. And if a girl isn't willing to let a guy talk to her for 30-60 seconds while she decides if she wants to know him, then she's certainly not relationship material in my mind... and I don't even think she should be in anyone's consideration for a hook-up. That sort of behaviour from a girl just sounds shallow and rude. (Same thing for her not taking a call later - why give out your number in the first place if you don't want someone to use it? There may be girls who do that, but I don't understand it. Maybe as an ego boost, but geez.) I know you have to keep the conversation up for a bit before going for the number, that's why I said those were abbreviated conversations. Keep asking her questions, make comments about her answers to show you're listening, ask follow up questions, and try to bring it around to wanting to see her again. For instance, Im a black guy, in jersey, I go to clubs with alot of white girls who generally dont look to date black guys. They look at me and think "ugh", until I start shocking them with game. So my smile and good eye contact dont cut it. I have to catch their interest, or I will lose them in 20 seconds. Same for mature white women. (with mature material) Its just the way it is. Alright, well, you've got a lot more experience being a black guy picking up girls than I have. But I as a girl have a lot more experience being picked up by guys (of various cultures/ethnicities) than you have. Hopefully between our two views and experiences, SushiX will find something useful and get some numbers and some girls.
boogieboy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 You keep talking about "young girls." Is it really about age, or is it about maturity and expectations? I'm 33, but even when I was 18, the same rules applied. All I'm looking for is a guy to be polite, respectful, engage me in conversation about something, and ask for my number in a way that looks like he's going to actually use it to ask me out on a date. Since you're referring to young girls - maybe we're talking at cross purposes. Maybe you (and the OP) want to just chat up girls to get their numbers for fun, you know, maybe go out, hook up... I guess I'm looking at it in terms of looking potentially for a longer-term relationship. And if a girl isn't willing to let a guy talk to her for 30-60 seconds while she decides if she wants to know him, then she's certainly not relationship material in my mind... and I don't even think she should be in anyone's consideration for a hook-up. That sort of behaviour from a girl just sounds shallow and rude. (Same thing for her not taking a call later - why give out your number in the first place if you don't want someone to use it? There may be girls who do that, but I don't understand it. Maybe as an ego boost, but geez.) I think Sushi punched out of this long ago.... Its about age and genre. dance club girls are birds of a feather. All those things that girls do, its to fend off too many guys approaching them. They get conditioned by crappy pickup lines and bad game, and thats why they act the way they do. They cant let 50 guys in a night take up too much of their time, and I understand that. Most of them probably gave guys a chance in the beginning, and just learned that it wasnt worth it. Pretty much most of the young girls are looking for a relationship, and thats how the guys have to view it and approach it. Im not looking to just hook up, but Sushi has to know that he has to approach it like he wants one. Were you going to dance clubs twice a week for months at a time?
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