Should I ask a girl I am seeing if she is "sexual?"

[Ronni_W]

I am very sexual (meaning I need to be taken care of in that department or I grow resentful, just my wiring.)

I think it would be a good idea to ask her. I'd suggest something like this: "Look, I'm a very sexual person, and the way I'm wired is that I will grow resentful if you don't take care of me in that department. Does that fit with your own sexual wants, needs, attitudes and expectations?"

 

No reason not to be completely honest with her, and no reason to waste your time with someone who won't "take care of your in that department" to your 100% expectations and satisfaction. IMO.

[evaG]

If you ask her, I have a feeling in a week I'll be reading a thread about "Why Did She Run Away So Fast???"

[boogieboy]

I stand by my original advice and statement. If you don't start a relationship with open communication, especially about sexual things, it will be hard to make that happen later. Now, I'm not suggesting that you pop off with "So, are you gonna suck my c**k soon or what?", but opening a dialogue to ascertain mutual compatibility? Seems to me that would be a good thing, and could avoid much heartache down the road. For both of you.

 

If a woman is offended merely discussing the topic, I would imagine she's overly conservative sexually, and based on my assumptions about the OP (and they ARE assumptions) I would guess he's not looking for overly conservative. Were I still on the dating market, very early in the relationship I would make clear what my expectations were. Had I done that in my first marriage I might have saved myself a decade of disappointments. I DID do that in my second, and as a result, we are very compatible and happy. Well, partially as a result as no relationship is about only one thing, but my point remains.

 

 

He cant even read her to understand why he hasnt built enough attraction with her yet, or shes weird. You really think he will be able to ask her the "are you sexual" question with tact?

[sxyNYCcpl]

You really think he will be able to ask her the "are you sexual" question with tact?

 

It's hard to tell from the original post, but it appears they've been on 3 or 4 dates already, and have been chatting for up to an hour almost every day for several months. The fact that some kind of sexual discussion hasn't come up already I find shocking, but to directly answer your question, I have no idea if he can or not. I would hope he could do so, but aside from the words in his post I know nothing about him nor his verbal communications skills or lack thereof.

 

The real truth of the matter is that anyone so devoutly religious as to leave a date early in order to ensure church attendance the next day probably is quite sexually conservative, and when you combine that observation with the fact that after two months the topic of sex hasn't even been broached it only reinforces that likelihood. Personally, after 2 months, daily conversations, and 2-3+ actual dates if I wasn't actually having sex, much less talking about, I'd probably be looking to bail.

 

If his broaching the subject causes her enough offense or distress to put the relationship (such that it is) in jeopardy, given his stated needs (if somewhat crudely), the relationship SHOULD dissolve. Because if she is so conservative that merely talking about it is problematic, they are almost certainly not going to be sexually compatible over the long term. And that's OK, determining who we are and are not compatible with is part of what the dating process is for, but better to know sooner than later.