spcmac Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I have been dating a girl for 2 and a half years roughly.. we have been living together most of that time, we just recently had a daughter together and she is 3 months old. About a month ago we started getting into some arguments because i felt like i was being put on the back burner and she was putting her friends before me... anyway it caused some arguments and she ended up moving out and said that she needs space... Im not sure exactly how to take that... we still talk quite often and sometimes shes willing to talk, then sometimes i feel like im just bugging her and its hard to figure out how to take it, everytime we talk about our relationship or getting back together i get the same answer everytime and its "i cant do this right now" or "i need space" I thought there was another guy in the picture at first but im not exactly sure... when girls want space is it because there could be somebody else? is it best to just leave her alone completely? try to communicate as much as possible? I just dont want to completely leave her alone and make her think that i dont want to try and make it work because I do, I just dont know how to handle the situation its been a month, how much time does 1 need honestly? She also claims that she needs to "find herself" and that she has been unhappy.
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 If you've made it clear to her you want to work it out then there's not much left to do. Except give her the space she's asking for. While you felt like you were on the back burner, is because you were. She's probaly found someone else she's interested in and started "prepairing" herself for this back then. Time to accept that this is probaly over for a while, if not forever, and begin healing yourself. Sucks, I know! Been there done that on more than one occasion. Goodluck, man! This is a great site for dealing with this nonsense we all go thru at some point.
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 And..whatever you do. DO NOT appear to be weak! No one wants to be with a "weak" person. So..dont beg,plead,spill your guts,ect.. Stay strong!
Author spcmac Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Yeah im trying to stay strong, its just extremely hard when u have a 3 month old daughter and u want to make things work especially for her, what i dont get it why she would keep saying i cant do this "right now" why doesnt she just say she cant do this, or i just need a break, she always throws in right now, like shes trying to keep me on a hook... but she tells me she doesnt want me to wait for her if i dont want 2... its just all so confusing.
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 like shes trying to keep me on a hook... you answered it there. That's exactly what she's doing. You are now the backup plan. I went through this same thing with my ex-wife when my daughter was 6mo. I made the mistake of being/looking the fool and was always there for her when her new guy's fell through. Don't do that to yourself! I was young then early 20's and didn't "know better"..haha yea right! I was a blind, fool. It can also never work for the sake of the child. Sure we all want it to but, it's not the case. Be there for your kid..All contact should only concern the kid from this point forward with her. I know the "break" is still fresh on your mind but, you have to accept the fact that its over.
Author spcmac Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 So if she really just wants to end it without actually saying its over... why does she still want to communicate, we actually talk more now probably than we did while we were together, mind u I do, do most of the texting, but she always answers me and doesnt ignore me... everytime she brings the baby over we talk and she always hugs me before she leaves... so many mixed signs.. I know i should probably not fight it and just accept it might be over... but there are still positive signs between us, im just not sure.
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 BREADCRUMBS and SCRAPS are what she's giving you. Leaving you with nothing but false hope. Also know that while doing this, she is releaving her own guilt for ending the relationship.
adamt Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 When you hear stuff like I need space, i need time to think, i need a break. Most of the time its the begining of the end. all you can do is give them all the time and space they need and hope they miss you. My guess is her mind was made up a while ago but just taken her a while to pluck up the courage to say so
Author spcmac Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 So you dont think that it could just be stress that is causing all of this? by being a new mother and trying to take care of the baby, and both work full time and live normal lives?... thats what i thought at first but im not sure.
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 So you dont think that it could just be stress that is causing all of this? by being a new mother and trying to take care of the baby, and both work full time and live normal lives?... thats what i thought at first but im not sure. That's the thing. How can you two, as a couple, solve anything when she left? If she wanted to work it out she would be there with you right now trying to work it out. She's not. You also said she's put you on the back burner for "her friends". Why would any girl "in love" with a brand new baby/family do that?
adamt Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 So you dont think that it could just be stress that is causing all of this? by being a new mother and trying to take care of the baby, and both work full time and live normal lives?... thats what i thought at first but im not sure. When my ex broke up with me, i thought it may have been caused by stress brought on by her mom's recent death a few weeks earlier. 5 weeks on when my head was clearer i realise that she was having doubts as the warning signs were there (similar to you in that she put her friends first and there were petty arguements. Have you had much sex recently?swex had dried up for me). I would spend time getting your head sorted and think through how the relationship was going. It may come clearer over time. At the moment i wouldnt make an rash decisions and just let her have her space. the more you bug her the greater the risk she will push you away further.
Randompeep Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It's true what everyone is saying here, it sounds just like what I've recently been through. I heard the same words, space, break, but it all came to an end. Eventually she will most likely move on. I was not strong enough to just let it end and I don't think I left with my reputation intact. Too bad I was strung along for two months but you live and learn. Good luck.
Author spcmac Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Well thanks for the advice, of course I wish that wasnt the answer everybody was giving me but I guess in life you gotta roll with the punches, Im gonna try the best I can to give her space... When she texts me is it best to just ignore them? or be real short and just answer her questions and not ask any back?
Author spcmac Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Ok... So i have my daughter for the day, and she is picking her up whenever she gets off work 2night, and she sends me a text saying shes going to try and get off a little early, and wants to know if i want to eat dinner with her 2night.... how do i take that? what do i do?!?!
Thaddeus Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 how do i take that? what do i do?!?! Take it for what it is. Go to dinner. Talk. Communicate. But do so without expectations of anything to change. (I know it's monumentally difficult, especially for us "results-focused" guys, but do the best you can.)
Recommended Posts