JenniferxO Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 So, I have posted here before, about my very rocky on/off relationship. I had ended things, and received great advice! But then, my ex - Mike, decided to lay on the charm. I have been in long term relationships before, but have never felt the way I do for him. So I gave in to him, and decided to try it out again. WHAT WAS I THINKING! He has a very controlling, addictive behavior, and I know it. He has been addicted to drugs (prior to our relationship), and IS addicted to alcohol. (has been, even before we dated) He has cheated, and I have had encounters with abuse. physical, emotional.. But I take him back. I can't fathom as to why either. I have always been that strong witty girl - you screw me over, youre out of my life. I have gone to points to change my phone number to make it clear. I have no problem speaking my mind! And I even do so to him. But I have come to the point where, I can't do this, I don't want to do this anymore. I have tried moving on, spending time with my friends, exercising.. you name it! Even going weeks without talking.. we'll eventually talk one day, and things just fall back into place, and then I find myself back in this same situation. I just can't seem let him go. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Its unbearable. I know its a hard thread to post advice on, but any is much appreciated!
NopeNah Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 You need to show yourself what he's not showing you. That's some RESPECT! Why do you feel the need to keep doing this to yourself? You know it's not good for you but, you continue in the cycle. You say he has "addictive behavior" with drugs and alcholol. Looks to me like you have an additction of your own and that's him! Time to kick the habbit, my dear!
Thaddeus Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 A few reasons, all of which are very common: He's the classic "bad boy," and you like the excitement that the "bad boy" provides You figure that "love will conquer all" and you can somehow "fix" him You enjoy the drama. Now, I don't think for a moment that any of these will resonate with you on a conscious level - and you may even get pi$$ed off about this list - but this is a very normal pattern and is extremely common. So how to break out of it? You already know the answer. Full-blown NO CONTACT. It is going to hurt like hell, not just because you'll miss him and wonder what's going on in his life, but also because you'll be weaning yourself off the addiction of co-dependence. So you can live with an abuser/alcoholic/whatnot for the rest of your life and destroy your soul in the process, or you can go no-holds-barred NO CONTACT until you're over him. It might take many, many months, maybe even upwards of a year, but eventually you'll get over him and your addiction to the drama. Choice, as always, is yours.
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