Ilovehim Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I really like this guy even though I have only known him for a month...Now here is my problem...I don't know if I'm "needy" or if this is how most people are buttt...although I know this guy likes me, I tend to want attention...I don't know if I ask for too much but here are some things I have to have in the one I like and Im truly wondering if I'm needy 1. I want to talk to the person every day 2. If I sent a text, I feel some type of way if the other person doesn't respond 3. If they stay a whole day without talking to me or talk cold, I take it as if they're losing interest... Even if the other person has told me they like me and shows it...I get upset when it has been over 8 hours I've sent a text and it has gone unanswered...or if it's been a day without a phone call...Why is this??? I just want to be showed that Im cared for and made felt important....Can you guys tell me how do I adress these issues if they are persistent??
MusicChick24 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I really like this guy even though I have only known him for a month...Now here is my problem...I don't know if I'm "needy" or if this is how most people are buttt...although I know this guy likes me, I tend to want attention...I don't know if I ask for too much but here are some things I have to have in the one I like and Im truly wondering if I'm needy 1. I want to talk to the person every day 2. If I sent a text, I feel some type of way if the other person doesn't respond 3. If they stay a whole day without talking to me or talk cold, I take it as if they're losing interest... Even if the other person has told me they like me and shows it...I get upset when it has been over 8 hours I've sent a text and it has gone unanswered...or if it's been a day without a phone call...Why is this??? I just want to be showed that Im cared for and made felt important....Can you guys tell me how do I adress these issues if they are persistent?? I may be off base here, but I don't think you are needy. I do however think you are litte bit unreasonable. I understand wanting to talk to a partner everyday. Most women are like that. With the texting I think it's reasonable to expect someone to respond to your text within a set time frame or you get upset. People have lives and business to take care of and whether you like it or not some of those things will not involve you or replying to your messages. People have to go to work etc etc. With that said, in refrence to #3. If they go the whole day without talking to you or they talk coldly you assume they are losing interest. I think that you sound like a drama queen. I'm sorry but you do. People get in bad moods its just part of life. Everyone isn't going to be happy with you every minute of every day. As far as going the whole day without talking to you, that goes back into what I've already said about people having lives and not always being able to cater to you.
Thornton Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I don't think you're asking for too much or being needy, but I do think that the things you listed are more than some people want. So the trick is to find a partner with similar emotional needs to yourself. My bf wants to talk to me every single day, and he still calls me at lunchtime even if we spent four hours on the phone the previous night. He would be upset if I ignored his texts - which I wouldn't, because I think ignoring communication from someone is the height of rudeness - the least you can do is send a quick reply saying hi, I got your text/email/whatever, I'll contact you later when I have more time. And if I ignored him for a whole day, he would think I was losing interest, and would tell me so. Luckily I feel the same way he does - I always respond to texts promptly and I want to talk to him every day. In past relationships the guy has had different emotional needs to me and usually wanted less contact, so I'm happy that my bf wants to be in touch with me all the time. If one partner doesn't meet your emotional needs, look for someone else who does.
Thaddeus Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 From a guy's perspective:1. I want to talk to the person every dayNeedy 2. If I sent a text, I feel some type of way if the other person doesn't respondNeedy 3. If they stay a whole day without talking to me or talk cold, I take it as if they're losing interestNeedy You're running the very real risk of pushing this dude away. You are not his girlfriend yet (it's only been a month) and you're certainly not his wife. Let him breathe.
Author Ilovehim Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 From a guy's perspective:Needy Needy Needy You're running the very real risk of pushing this dude away. You are not his girlfriend yet (it's only been a month) and you're certainly not his wife. Let him breathe. ummm okay...you misunderstood..i dont "not" let people breathe...i haven't said anything...but whatever guys start calling me everyday and texting me all the time..so i assume they want the same thing..and if i send a text that goes unresponded for a whole day or two...well i wonder what is going on..i don't think i'm needy...i let people breathe but i would also like people showing me they like me when they claim they do...but okay thanks...i apprecitate your guys' responses...and would like to hear more..
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 From a guy's perspective:Needy Needy Needy You're running the very real risk of pushing this dude away. You are not his girlfriend yet (it's only been a month) and you're certainly not his wife. Let him breathe. I agree with this..if not needy, you're coming off as clingy. Not that you show them(guys) this but, with this post,if that makes any damn sense?haha
bac Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 i maybe wrong but i think it is not needy but it is to be spoiled. i guess it is ok to be spoiled.
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 i maybe wrong but i think it is not needy but it is to be spoiled. i guess it is ok to be spoiled.spoiled comes with time in a relationship or dating. Atleast from my standpoint. At a months length i'll pay for dinners and make small talk here and there but, I have my own life going on around me that i'm trying to introduce this person into slowly as to guard myself from a relative "stranger" at the same time.
Thornton Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 From a guy's perspective:Needy Needy Needy You're running the very real risk of pushing this dude away. You are not his girlfriend yet (it's only been a month) and you're certainly not his wife. Let him breathe. I would say that many men would consider this needy, but by no means all men. My bf and I called each other every day starting from the day we met... but we were equally obsessed with each other and equally "needy" if you want to call it that. It's all about finding a man whose emotional needs match yours... you're only needy/cold if your needs are more/less than your partner's. I hated it when my ex made me feel like I was being demanding and didn't contact me as much as I would have liked; my current bf smothers me with attention and I love it!
Confusedalways Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I see where you're coming from, OP. I also get annoyed if I'm in a chatty mood and I shoot off a text only to be ignored. But then I remember all the times I've gotten texts and didn't answer. When you put it in that perspective, it makes it more reasonable. You have to remember just because you have the time to answer a text or give someone a call doesn't mean they do. Though I don't think you're being 'needy' per se, I would definitely tread lightly.
Lizzie60 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I would say that you are tremendously needy.. and trust me.. this is NOT a good thing.. A guy will be more interested if you act like you don't mind (even if you do, deep inside).. that you have your own life, friends, etc.. and you don't only count on him to make you happy. Be independant,... confident.. and see how it goes..
boogieboy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 You go by his actions, not his words. If he isnt responding to your texts, hes setting a precedent that he doesnnot want you texting him all the time to get your validation. its too soon. So you can either get used to not hearing from him all the time you think you NEED to, or you can get with someone who is into you alot more.
Bayern Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 From a guy's perspective:Needy Needy Needy You're running the very real risk of pushing this dude away. You are not his girlfriend yet (it's only been a month) and you're certainly not his wife. Let him breathe. It may be needy thoughts, but as long as she surpresses them and doesn't text him asking if he's losing interest everyday, then I do believe it's not really "needy".
boogieboy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It may be needy thoughts, but as long as she surpresses them and doesn't text him asking if he's losing interest everyday, then I do believe it's not really "needy". Shes about to though, I bet she wont be able to resist....shes gettin her panties all in a bunch...
your star Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 To say hello to someone or shoot off a text takes a minute. if someone texts, isn't it common courtesy to respond? I don't mean right away, but when they can it is appreciated. I think if you have interest in someone these things come naturally. I know they do for me. if you have to think too much about these things then maybe this other person is not the right person for you. there are people out there who will take the time to do simple gestures to let you know they are indeed interested. to sit and dwell on them though is your choice, if you pesture the other person over and over then yeah that can get to look a little needy. just dont sweat it anymore...
shinedown Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 As a guy I wouldn't really classify this as needy per se. I like to hear from a gf everyday, even just to 'touch base' it's nice to hear from them. For me there is a major difference between wanting to speak everyday and wanting to know what you're doing all the time. That for me is where the difference lies. Wanting to speak to someone you love everyday because you miss them and want to hear from them shouldn't be a bad thing at all. If the other person in the relationship sees this as needy then they're not the right person for you. As has already been said, you'd be better off finding someone with the same emotional needs as yourself.
lab_brat Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I think it depends on the person, and the relationship. Personally, i'd consider it v. needy in a relationship, but then i'm quite happy to only catch up a couple of times a week, maybe text every 2nd/3rd day. It all depends on the couple. If you worry that you are being too needy, perhaps you need to give him a little space. It's nice to know someone likes you, but its only been a month. A little bit of mystery is good. Being with someone that needs constant validation can be soooo tiring. I prefer nice spontaneous occasional validation that isn't forced. Also, what are your texts about? I had an ex that used to text a couple of times a day 'hey, whats up?' 'what are you doing?' 'how are you?', etc etc, which got really annoying real fast, as if i didn't reply he got pissy, and when i did reply he'd respond with another question to try and turn it into a text conversation, which is really irritating when you're busy and the texts don't have any real point.
Els Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 #1 is DEFINITELY not needy in my opinion. You guys wouldn't want to talk to your woman once a day after a month of dating? Seriously??? Maybe I live in a different world here. #2 COULD be needy if you expect him to reply when he's at work, or if you send 2439734983427243 texts a day. #3 isn't needy, to not want that to happen. But to take it as him losing interest? That's rather insecure. Anyway this is a moot point, as whether or not the above 3 traits are considered needy by YOUR guy, noone would know. Why don't you just ask him?
evaG Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 How many times a week do you consider a good number of times to see your significant other? My ex used to think more than twice a week was needy. Wtf.
Author Ilovehim Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Lol...I think I don't know how to put my words together when I make posts haha...This guy DOES call me everynight and we do talk everyday...I'm asking this question because I'm used to guys being like this with me for the first 2 years and then completely changing. I'm not saying ALWAYS everyday we have to talk on the phone..I understand people have lives as so do I..I'm in school and I work too...I'm just saying I like getting attention..Like I would prefer to talk everyday with a few nights exception so that we can both do our things separately...I'm asking in general...and yes I definetely want somebody whos emotional needs meet mine..
butcher's hook Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I understand you want someone who's emotional needs meet yours but what you are asking for is simply TOO MUCH. At this point and the things you have described you would be considered extremely needy. He is showing you in very clear ways that he really likes you, you really don't need more attention. Look it's cool to want to be in contact with your boyfriend, it's great to want attention but what you are asking for is beyond wanting attention you are seeking reassurance 24/7 love doesn't work that way. You need to find a way to reassure yourself that everything is alright. My goodness you panic because a few hours go by and he doesn't text you? What would you do if he had to go away to school or you had to be apart for extended periods of time? Stop relying on him to assure you, he likes you he has told you he likes you and so believe him and trust that he is being honest. Calling you or texting you 10 times a day is not going to make him like you any more. You both have separate lives and get busy doing things and you personally need to preoccupy your time with your own life rather than hanging by the phone at every hour waiting for cues from him to make sure he "still" likes you. HE STILL LIKES YOU, he is not going anywhere, if you keep pushing him like this he will go away. It would be extremely tiresome have to be proving yourself to someone 24/7. I think what is driving you to act this way is that you so desperately want to be in a committed relationship with him, and you will and it will happen but all in good time it's too early still. Be cool and be patient when the right time comes you won't even have to ask for attention it will come naturally to him and it will feel effortless for you if it is meant to be with this guy.
Sam Spade Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It depends on how long are you dating. If it is early on - then yes, you're needy. If it's half a year or more, that's not unreasonable. Neediness early on is unjustified and a turn off. But, once you've actually established a relationship, this by definition implies some sort of vulnerability and yes - 'needing' each other - in a sense of expecting/assuming that the other person is 'there for you'. So, as a guy I *know* I'm not needy. But, after 8 months in a relationship i would get *pissed* if my gf does not respond to a text in a timely manner, or disses me in a conversation. It's not neediness in a sense that I'd feel 'vlunerable' or 'hurt', but neediness in a sense of "why on earth do I need you in my life if you can't behave as if we're in a relationship" .
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 No one can "make" you happy or feel secure. If someone is incompatible with your needs within a dating experience or relationship, it can bring out the worst in each one of us. So, without explaining the entire transition, "needy" is being with the wrong person. Communication, courtesy and respect for each other, while prioritizing the other, will naturally happen with a compatible persononality, unless in each and every relationship, this kind of thing consistently happens. You also have to examine what you're putting into the relationship to make him feel like a priority without stifling him. In both the situations where you're always feeling "needy" or not fueling the relationship yourself, you're the only constant so you need to do some self-auditing. I'm big on communication but I let my fiance contact me. He's done this daily, whether we're getting together or not, since Day 1. He feels no pressure to do so but does it on his own free will. When I come to mind, he calls. I love this about him.
alphamale Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 1. I want to talk to the person every day 2. If I sent a text, I feel some type of way if the other person doesn't respond 3. If they stay a whole day without talking to me or talk cold, I take it as if they're losing interest... Even if the other person has told me they like me and shows it...I get upset when it has been over 8 hours I've sent a text and it has gone unanswered...or if it's been a day without a phone call... yes thats pretty needy. that behaviour would turn me off totally. maybe you should start dating people you're only sort of into so that you won't become upset when they don't contact you every hour
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