Cora Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I don't even know where to begin here. I have gone back to seeing that guy I've been posting about on here. I feel bad enough for breaking my commitment to stay away from him. Maybe I'm weak? Yeah, that's probably it. It's just better than being lonely sometimes you know? I enjoy talking to him and spending time with him. He is growing on me more and more. He seems to like me too......or it probably is just about sex for him. Yeah, I'm sure that's it. But, it's okay with me because I enjoy having someone to talk to and spend time with. I realize it's most likely never going to turn into a real relationship. I do enjoy his company though and having fun. I saw him again last night. We had a really nice time and he did not make me feel used at all. I went over to his place and we fooled around a bit while watching a movie. Then we got in his car and went shopping. He held my hand the whole way there which I thought was sweet because he never holds my hand. The whole time in the store he would get close to me, putting his arm around me etc. We went back to his place, fooled around some more and had sex. Then we just sat on his couch holding each other while talking about work, what we had planned for the rest of the weekend etc. We watched some more tv, kissed goodbye, and then I left. Am I wrong to keep seeing him like this? I don't know guys, but he seemed different this time. He kept saying what we do is totally up to you. He also kept saying nothing has to happen, are you sure you want to do this etc.? I'm not going to lie. I do want a relationship someday with someone. However, I'm okay if it never happens with this guy. Sure, it would be great if it could, but I'm not worrying over it. Okay, tell me I'm a bad person for seeing him again. Is this just totally wrong?
AlektraClementine Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Sorry - don't know the history but your tenor suggests past hurt over this guy. You can go back as much as you want as long as you don't expect more than what he's offering. Check out a thread I posted today - Women Chasing the Wrong Guys. I don't like that he said you decide whether you do or don't see each other. That sounds a little lax to me. Like he could take you or leave you. How does that make you feel?
Author Cora Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Sorry - don't know the history but your tenor suggests past hurt over this guy. You can go back as much as you want as long as you don't expect more than what he's offering. Check out a thread I posted today - Women Chasing the Wrong Guys. I don't like that he said you decide whether you do or don't see each other. That sounds a little lax to me. Like he could take you or leave you. How does that make you feel? Thank you for your reply. I will definitely check out your thread because I have a history of chasing after the wrong guys. When he said you decide....he wasn't talking about seeing each other, but more along the lines of having sex. He didn't want to push me into it even though we have slept with each other previous times. I think he was totally cool with just watching a movie together and relaxing without anything else. I don't know...maybe he is all wrong for me. Maybe this will end in heartbreak for me. I just enjoy seeing him. He did mention going to see a movie together next time. No plans were made...just mentioning so I'm not putting much faith into it yet. Anyway, thanks again for replying.
AlektraClementine Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 He did mention going to see a movie together next time. No plans were made...just mentioning so I'm not putting much faith into it yet. Anyway, thanks again for replying. You're allowed to put as much faith in it as you want to girl! If he says something about a movie, say "great! When are we going"? Don't let him navigate this for you. If he doesn't follow through with the plans, that's a red flag. The thread I posted is all about recognizing these little red flags and ditching the dudes when they don't measure up. Don't you realize that you deserve better? If what you want is a relationship, start seeking out and dating guys who want the same thing. Someone who doesn't want exclusivity with you is not wrong. Just not for you. You're taking table scraps. Or you're prepared to anyway. That's not good enough. And it'll never make you happy. Good luck!
Lucky_One Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Please use a good method of birth control consistently, and insist that he use a condom every time.
Stockalone Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Two weeks ago you were hoping that he wanted more than FWB because you wanted more. You asked him where this relationship is going and he wouldn't give you a commited relationship. Now, if you are truly okay with being FWB, nothing more, then by all means continue. But why this sudden change of heart as this (FWB) is exactly the one thing you didn't want just two weeks ago?
Els Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Cora, if I recall correctly you're worried that he was using you for a booty call. (same guy?) If you want to know for sure, I really would recommend that you hold back on the sex for a while. Make sure he has a great time with you -- cook a great meal for him, maybe even give him a massage, have lots of fun together... and just don't have sex for that date. That's the best way to judge and for you to stop wondering if you're being used. He left it up to you that time. Why'd you still end up having sex when it's what you're worried about?
Author Cora Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 You're allowed to put as much faith in it as you want to girl! If he says something about a movie, say "great! When are we going"? Don't let him navigate this for you. If he doesn't follow through with the plans, that's a red flag. The thread I posted is all about recognizing these little red flags and ditching the dudes when they don't measure up. Don't you realize that you deserve better? If what you want is a relationship, start seeking out and dating guys who want the same thing. Someone who doesn't want exclusivity with you is not wrong. Just not for you. You're taking table scraps. Or you're prepared to anyway. That's not good enough. And it'll never make you happy. Good luck! Thank you, good advice.
Author Cora Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Please use a good method of birth control consistently, and insist that he use a condom every time. Yes, we always do.
Author Cora Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Two weeks ago you were hoping that he wanted more than FWB because you wanted more. You asked him where this relationship is going and he wouldn't give you a commited relationship. Now, if you are truly okay with being FWB, nothing more, then by all means continue. But why this sudden change of heart as this (FWB) is exactly the one thing you didn't want just two weeks ago? Honestly, I have no idea. I realize I have gone back on what I said. I don't know if I could be okay with the FWB now. I guess I'll find out soon enough. Maybe I will, maybe I wont. I just don't know yet.
Author Cora Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Cora, if I recall correctly you're worried that he was using you for a booty call. (same guy?) If you want to know for sure, I really would recommend that you hold back on the sex for a while. Make sure he has a great time with you -- cook a great meal for him, maybe even give him a massage, have lots of fun together... and just don't have sex for that date. That's the best way to judge and for you to stop wondering if you're being used. He left it up to you that time. Why'd you still end up having sex when it's what you're worried about? I don't know. That was my chance to just spend time with him without the sex. I wasn't against the sex, but I should have held back to see where things stood. I like your advice. I do like to cook, so maybe next time I could do that and we watch a movie together and just leave it at that. Honestly, I just wasn't thinking last night. I do stupid things sometimes.
Stockalone Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Honestly, I have no idea. I realize I have gone back on what I said. I don't know if I could be okay with the FWB now. I guess I'll find out soon enough. Maybe I will, maybe I wont. I just don't know yet. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind. But I think it would help you a great deal to know (or try to find out) why you are doing what you are doing. Is a FWB just convenient right now? Do you think that it's the best you can hope for, not just from this guy but from guys in general? Do you still want to have a relationship with him and hope that he will change his mind if you keep having sex with him?
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