kissez Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 i have been dating a man for a month now, we are not officially together, as it has only been a month, but it has been going on pretty strong so far we have known of each other for quite a few years, he is 23 i am 22, and my birthday past recently and he did not get me a gift. he saw me, we went out to a movie and dinner, but he did not get me a card or anything i am very outspoken and i think i will say something, but i did not want to make it a big deal if i shouldn't. he has taken me out quite a few times, and it has only been a month he is not my boyfriend, but we agreed to date and take it slow and see where it goes. so we agreed on "dating" do you think it was rude he didn't get me a gift? i am kind of feeling stupid now about it, that he didn't get me anything should i stop talking to him?
boogieboy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Stop being so selfish. Youre not officially together. Its not all about you. You did say you will take it slow, and getting you a gift or card is subjective when it comes to tact. He might have thought it would send the wrong message. I personally wouldnt give a gift to a woman I havent slept with yet or claimed exclusivity to. Hes not your boyfriend yet, so he isnt obligated to do this. You make him your bf, then you can say something. Why do you need a gift? Are you not satisfied enough being with him? Have you been going overboard to give him gifts and gestures of thoughtfulness and he isnt carrying his own weight in that department?
Thaddeus Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 He's not your boyfriend, it's only been a month, you've only agreed to date and "take it slow" and yet you seem to have pretty high expectations of him. Did you say anything to him that it was your birthday? Is it possible that he didn't even know it was your birthday? Also, there are some families that just don't make a big thing about birthdays. My family is one of them. We may or may not get a card or a phone call. No chance for a gift (except for the young children). He could be from one of those families. Personally, I think you're putting way too much importance on this and inviting way too much drama.
Author kissez Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 ok. no, i haven't done anything for him. we have just been to a couple movies and dinners and he pays (well i paid once for some drinks)...and he comes to see me i go see him because we live an hour from each other. he knew it was my birthday, he told me through phone and as soon as he saw me. i didn't think it was a big deal, because he still came down to see me, but someone asked if he got me a card and then i felt stupid and said no, so i was going to tell him it bothered me that he didn't get anything. i am not trying to be selfish, i jut didn't want to look stupid and be a pushover. if it were his birthday already i would of gotten him something. i know he is not my boyfriend but, ideally we would like to get to that point. we just haven't yet because we don't want to rush. so if u guys say that it is not bad i will listen to u! i just wish he got me something, my birthday and the days surrounding it were pretty bad this year
Thornton Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 He took you out and paid for dinner and a movie... is that not a good enough birthday present? Stop being so greedy... I can't believe you're going to have a go at him about not buying you a gift, when he's only known you a few weeks and he already took you for a birthday dinner. He isn't your bf, and therefore isn't obliged to get you anything, particularly given the length of time he's known you.
D-Lish Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 So, he took you out for your birthday and paid for everything? Why would you be mad he didn't get you a card or a gift on top of that? I'd say you are being ungrateful and unreasonable to expect more.
Author kissez Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 well my friends thought he would get me something too...one of them even said she would be "mad if he got me a bad gift, i.e. an ugly sweater or something" --and i said i would be grateful for anything...anything tangible at least not just a dinner. plus, he didn't see me until very late, like 9 pm. so i thought he was being kind of inconsiderate. he wasn't even working as it was his day off, and he lives about an hour from me. i think he should have gotten me something
Author kissez Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 i mean i don't think he should have spent a ton of money on me by any means, but like i said if it were his birthday i would have gotten him something, i guess i am a giving person anyways birthdays only come once a year. it is a special day...i don't see how i am being unreasonable
Author kissez Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 oh wait wait i 4got!!! he did take me out for the dinner yes, BUT it was notthe dinner i wanted--he was *supposed* to meet me and one of my best friends at a restaurant for dinner but he took sooo long that we went without him! when he finally came we went to a movie and then another restaurant--one of the very few that was still open!!! and then he came over afterwards i told him he had been very inconsiderate for missing my birthday dinner and he apologized, but i thought it was rude, if he had made that, then i wouldn't be mad, but he missed it and didn't get me a gift. we only went out to eat later b/c he was so hungry since he missed dinner with us. my friend and i only got shots we didn't even eat. it was a terrible birthday
Thornton Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 The other point still stands: he is not your bf and isn't obliged to get you anything, given that he's only known you for a few weeks. Tbh it sounds like you aren't even dating properly, considering that you're taking your friend on your "dates". I can't believe he drove an hour to see you and you dragged your friend along to play gooseberry!
CarrieT Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Some people don't "do cards." I have had a number of long-term relationships where the birthday gifts were dinners or evenings out or weekends away with out a formal, ribbon-packed gift or card. Lighten up and get over it. You are being way too demanding and selfish.
Author kissez Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 lol...gooseberry lol. he knew she was coming it was fun. she wanted to meet him because they knew of each other but they hadn't met really it was fine it has been me and him all the other times. but ok...i guess i won't say anything then?
Author kissez Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 nevermind. he doesn't have that much money. i'm not. sorry thanks
boogieboy Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Not only are you selfish for thinking he should get you a gift so soon, but If you are going to let your friends run your relationships for you, you are going to lose this guy fast, and you have alot of maturing to do.
Citizen Erased Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 The only 23 year old male I would expect to buy me a birthday gift would be one I am uh actually in a relationship with. You are overreacting.
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