Untouchable_Fire Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 You make an excellent point. She does sound a bit needy and controlling. I would just like to see more people take responsibility for their little "friendships". In my perfect world it should go like this: -GF is a needy controlling soul-sucker -BF breaks up with her -Newly single guy dates a girl a little more sure of herself and less controlling of him. Instead it goes: -GF is a needy controlling soul-sucker -BF gets interested in another girl but doesn't break it off with Needy Soul-Sucker for whatever reason. Wish I knew -Ends up demoralizing himself at the same time he hurts another person. We're all in charge of our own behavior. I just feel like he could have gotten away "clean" in this. Instead, he dirtied himself up by excusing his attraction for another woman, blaming it on his needy and controlling GF. GF didn't cause the attraction. She caused him to feel controlled. He acted out. That's on him. But at the end of the day, I really do get your point. We're not all perfect. We're not robots, after all. And I'll be the first to admit that when I did what I did, it was only after my fiance had gotten himself involved in a great many inappropriate friendships. So in a way, I excused mine in the early stages as "he's done this to me many times, he basically deserves for me to take a fancy to a male friend". I woke up, though and ended it. Two wrongs don't make a right, yada yada. My intent is not to bash this poor guy who got screwed (literally) around on. But to open his eyes a little to his not-so-innocent behavior. BTW - UF, again.. you are a pleasure to debate with! So mature! I totally agree with what your saying here. I think he should have dumped his GF before this became a problem. Instead you see him constantly waffling. That is partly because he is codependent and needs the security she provides. I'm sorry your fiance has done that so many times, it's not something you deserve to go through. I learned the hard way to create very strong boundaries with my female friends. I tend to be a flirt by nature, so I have to constantly restrain myself. It's a longstanding joke that I vanish once I start dating someone new. Yeah, you have to be the best person to disagree with on this site. Not many others actually listen or respect the thoughts and opinion of other posters. I am fast approaching 30... while I don't feel mature... I definitely feel old. I don't intend to bash this poor guy either... and I know my last post seems harsh. I just want to see him make the right choice for the right reasons. I don't really care too much either way... it's just hard to see a guy so.... unmanned.
lkjh Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Dude, what she did was not a mistake. Also, she tried to cover it up and make you feel guilty. For all you know she has cheated with other guys multiple times. Remember this; what she did was not a mistake
Dexter Morgan Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I totally agree with what your saying here. I think he should have dumped his GF before this became a problem. what problem are you talking about? her cheating later in the relationship? Or his emotional unfaithfullness and siding with another girl over his gf's objections earlier on in the relationship?
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 18, 2009 Posted July 18, 2009 No red flags went off when she cheated on her BF with you that first night you kissed? Once a cheater..always a cheater
Spectre Posted July 19, 2009 Posted July 19, 2009 First of all, stop going on and on about how you're perfect for each other and how the relationship is worth so much. If any of that were true, you wouldn't be in this situation, it's about time you faced that fact. Second of all, if she really loved you she wouldn't of started screwing some other guy. That's really all there is to it. Don't try to blame it on the distance, or anything else..that's not the reason, you have to face the fact that she doesn't love you as much as she claims. This may seem like a harsh thing for me to say, but it's better you realize this now than later on. Plus think about it, if you truly loved her you wouldn't of had the emotional affair either. Although having a physical affair is much worse. You said it yourself, you're in a new place..not really knowing anybody, she was your support system. That's why you're fighting so hard to keep her in your life, even when it's blatantly obvious this chick is not right for you. You have to let her go, deep down..the love is gone. If it wasn't, you wouldn't of cheated on each other.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 You guys are taking it a little off-topic. We both did wrong...I know that what I had with the other girl was inappropriate and I stopped it and I changed... and she noticed the change.... What she did was a lot worse...also a mistake but I feel like I can forgive her if she changes.... then forgive her and drop the discussion about what either of you have done. you are hell bent on finding ANY excuse to stay with her....so just do it. Just don't come back and say we didn't warn you. good luck with that.
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