red shoes Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Does it make sense that a guy (now ex) could break up with you via the email, at the same time telling you how he still loved you, and that he only used the avenue because he was feeling too upset about it and couldn't do it in person? Really too upset or actually a coward?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Difficult to know for sure... but I have a feeling the consensus is going to be that he was a coward.
boogieboy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 STraight up coward. If hes breaking up with you, hes not that upset.
Author red shoes Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Difficult to know for sure... but I have a feeling the consensus is going to be that he was a coward. Why do you think it's difficult to know for sure? I mean I know what you mean since you aren't him but your sentence sounds like you think he might not be a coward? Or did I misread your post?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 There is a possibility he is telling the truth. I didn't break up with my first gf in person, because I knew I never could had we been face to face. I knew I couldn't look straight into her eyes and watch her heart shatter in front of me. Alas, that does make me a coward, though. So therefor he is a coward.
Ingenue Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I had the exact same thing happen to me during my last break up. My then boyfriend of 5 years wrote me an email telling me that he loved me but that he "knew himself well enough to know that we should not aim for a future together". The justification behind emailing me instead of telling me face-to-face was because he was "too emotionally unstable" to break up with me in person and he felt that he might not be able to say what needed to be said. He left me with questions and when I emailed him to request a discussion to at least answer my questions, he again said he was "emotionally unstable". After a few weeks or two, he offered (via email) up a phone call to which I flatly decided against. By then I was strict NC and had no desire to talk to him at all. I later found out that his emotional instability was just a lie. During the time in which he claimed to be too distraught to talk, he was actually with (in the biblical sense) another woman. Any respect that I had for him prior to the break-up email, dissolved instantly. He was a complete coward and a disgusting specimen of a human being for selecting a break-up method that was ultimately done for his own selfish reasons. It is my firm belief that any person has the obligation to break-up with a partner in a responsible and dignified way. It's a reflection of common courtesy and basic civility. Break-ups happen all the time. Relationships run their course, individuals no longer love each other; that's just life. The true measure of a human being is his/her conduct in moments of distress and turmoil. A break-up should be and is a participatory experience for both parties, no matter how unpleasant. Unless the dumper is in grave physical danger, a break-up should always be in person, not through email, text message, social network site, telephone call or dear John letter. Questions need answering, explanations need to be given. If the dumper saw fit to date the dumpee, s/he should see fit to break up with the dumpee in a way that isn't purely selfish and callous. I personally think your ex is a coward. Then again, considering my past break-up experience, I'm fairly biased.
Thaddeus Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 It's cowardly. A few months ago a woman I had met through a dating site did the same thing to me. She even admitted in her email that she felt like a "gigantic coward" but at least she recognized it as such.
sandy12345678993 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I had the exact same thing happen to me during my last break up. My then boyfriend of 5 years wrote me an email telling me that he loved me but that he "knew himself well enough to know that we should not aim for a future together". The justification behind emailing me instead of telling me face-to-face was because he was "too emotionally unstable" to break up with me in person and he felt that he might not be able to say what needed to be said. He left me with questions and when I emailed him to request a discussion to at least answer my questions, he again said he was "emotionally unstable". After a few weeks or two, he offered (via email) up a phone call to which I flatly decided against. By then I was strict NC and had no desire to talk to him at all. I later found out that his emotional instability was just a lie. During the time in which he claimed to be too distraught to talk, he was actually with (in the biblical sense) another woman. Any respect that I had for him prior to the break-up email, dissolved instantly. He was a complete coward and a disgusting specimen of a human being for selecting a break-up method that was ultimately done for his own selfish reasons. It is my firm belief that any person has the obligation to break-up with a partner in a responsible and dignified way. It's a reflection of common courtesy and basic civility. Break-ups happen all the time. Relationships run their course, individuals no longer love each other; that's just life. The true measure of a human being is his/her conduct in moments of distress and turmoil. A break-up should be and is a participatory experience for both parties, no matter how unpleasant. Unless the dumper is in grave physical danger, a break-up should always be in person, not through email, text message, social network site, telephone call or dear John letter. Questions need answering, explanations need to be given. If the dumper saw fit to date the dumpee, s/he should see fit to break up with the dumpee in a way that isn't purely selfish and callous. I personally think your ex is a coward. Then again, considering my past break-up experience, I'm fairly biased. I had a very similar situation. But Ingenue summed it up very well. COWARD!!!!!!!
Author red shoes Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 There is a possibility he is telling the truth. I didn't break up with my first gf in person, because I knew I never could had we been face to face. I knew I couldn't look straight into her eyes and watch her heart shatter in front of me. Alas, that does make me a coward, though. So therefor he is a coward. Did you really mean it, that you couldn't have done it face-to-face? That you still cared for him, albeit in a cowardly way? I think my ex was a coward by what he did but some part of me still wanted to know whether he did it out of goodwill or purely cowardice. No, in case anyone wants to know, I'm not holding out for his return.
Author red shoes Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 I had the exact same thing happen to me during my last break up. My then boyfriend of 5 years wrote me an email telling me that he loved me but that he "knew himself well enough to know that we should not aim for a future together". The justification behind emailing me instead of telling me face-to-face was because he was "too emotionally unstable" to break up with me in person and he felt that he might not be able to say what needed to be said. He left me with questions and when I emailed him to request a discussion to at least answer my questions, he again said he was "emotionally unstable". After a few weeks or two, he offered (via email) up a phone call to which I flatly decided against. By then I was strict NC and had no desire to talk to him at all. I later found out that his emotional instability was just a lie. During the time in which he claimed to be too distraught to talk, he was actually with (in the biblical sense) another woman. Any respect that I had for him prior to the break-up email, dissolved instantly. He was a complete coward and a disgusting specimen of a human being for selecting a break-up method that was ultimately done for his own selfish reasons. It is my firm belief that any person has the obligation to break-up with a partner in a responsible and dignified way. It's a reflection of common courtesy and basic civility. Break-ups happen all the time. Relationships run their course, individuals no longer love each other; that's just life. The true measure of a human being is his/her conduct in moments of distress and turmoil. A break-up should be and is a participatory experience for both parties, no matter how unpleasant. Unless the dumper is in grave physical danger, a break-up should always be in person, not through email, text message, social network site, telephone call or dear John letter. Questions need answering, explanations need to be given. If the dumper saw fit to date the dumpee, s/he should see fit to break up with the dumpee in a way that isn't purely selfish and callous. I personally think your ex is a coward. Then again, considering my past break-up experience, I'm fairly biased. Sorry you went through this. I never had the chance to find out whether there was some other reason for the breakup, neither did I want to try since nothing will make it any better. It's incomprehensible how someone could have loved you and then done this to you.
edward-e Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 i think hes a coward or has something to hide and doesnt wanna feel guilty (which still makes him a coward). if youre over him though and Arent holding out for him to come back. why does it matter? if your over it just be over it whether hes a coward or not.
Author red shoes Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 i think hes a coward or has something to hide and doesnt wanna feel guilty (which still makes him a coward). if youre over him though and Arent holding out for him to come back. why does it matter? if your over it just be over it whether hes a coward or not. It sometimes comes back to "haunt" me. I just couldn't reconcile that a good person could do such a thing. He's never contacted me ever after it. I guess I only hoped that he broke up with me for the reason he cited and not anything more. I know it's difficult for people to understand but that was what I really wanted to "know" though I may never know and shouldn't have cared. Since like you said, I'm not holding out for him so it shouldn't matter.
edward-e Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It sometimes comes back to "haunt" me. I just couldn't reconcile that a good person could do such a thing. He's never contacted me ever after it. I guess I only hoped that he broke up with me for the reason he cited and not anything more. I know it's difficult for people to understand but that was what I really wanted to "know" though I may never know and shouldn't have cared. Since like you said, I'm not holding out for him so it shouldn't matter. i understand that u wanted just to know the truth. sometimes it better to just live in an ignorant bliss because digging up the dirt only leads to more unneccesary heartache. it will truly make no difference whether he cheated or not(dont know if thats what you thought). itll just make u sad and make you lose your faith in men after that. i dug up the truth with one of my exs and it really just hurt me more than anything. after that i decided when its over it over and theres no point pursuing anything after.
moo Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 My ex is a coward too. He lied about so many things. He never answered my questions. He never apologized for the awful way he treated me. He presented himself as an honest person, but he was not. I find that people who talk about how honest they are usually are the ones that are liars. When people are honest, they don't have to talk about being that way...they just are. And some other people are just weak, cowardly, and stupid.
Author red shoes Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 It's difficult to "know" that he's such a coward. I never knew him that way but neither did he pound his chest swearing that he was an honest man. I want to think that he did it because he really meant what he said, not because he really was just a coward. Hopefully these "haunting" thoughts about him will just pass. Maybe the thing I should be glad about is that I haven't lost any dignity in front of him by contacting him. I just let it be though these thoughts come up sometimes, wondering what really happened, if at all.
moo Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Well my dignity went WAY down. I contacted him several times and called him every disgusting name I could think of, apologized in order to get my dignity back, then contacted and insulted him again. But, that's over now. Truth be told, if I hadn't insulted him, he would have presented me in a bad light anyway to his new gf. That is what he does...because he claims it's always somebody else with the problem, not him. He presented his ex gf to me in a VERY bad light and played the victim role. He played the victim role when he talked about his ex-wife. Now that I see what they had to put up with, I don't think they were as bad as he said they were. But next time I am in a relationship, I plan on really doing some heavy screening and take my time and hopefully I won't end up with such a bombaclot again. My deep breathing is keeping me more relaxed so that I don't get so anxious that I need to call him and ask him to take the pain away (which he won't).
Author red shoes Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Well my dignity went WAY down. I contacted him several times and called him every disgusting name I could think of, apologized in order to get my dignity back, then contacted and insulted him again. But, that's over now. Truth be told, if I hadn't insulted him, he would have presented me in a bad light anyway to his new gf. That is what he does...because he claims it's always somebody else with the problem, not him. He presented his ex gf to me in a VERY bad light and played the victim role. He played the victim role when he talked about his ex-wife. Now that I see what they had to put up with, I don't think they were as bad as he said they were. But next time I am in a relationship, I plan on really doing some heavy screening and take my time and hopefully I won't end up with such a bombaclot again. My deep breathing is keeping me more relaxed so that I don't get so anxious that I need to call him and ask him to take the pain away (which he won't). I'm glad you're doing better now and you've learnt from this that you need to do better screening the next time. For me, I believe that being silent is the best and living well is the best revenge. While I sometimes have these "haunting" thoughts, I doubt they would have been any better addressed had I contacted him to find out. Even if he had told me the truth, I might not have believed him anymore anyway. It does make me also wonder that he hasn't contacted me either. Maybe it's another shot of cowardice or perhaps it's his guilt or it could be because I never contacted him anyway.
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