Lucky555 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Yesterday this cute guy was looking at me and was slowly making his way toward me in clothing store, I panicked and went out of the store. It had been awhile that I noticed he was looking at me and I really do think he was wanting to approach me but i knew this and ran. I think i have a bit of a problem. I don't understand why I just couldn't have the guts to stay and let him approach me.. all of a sudden i got nervous and left. This has happened to me before where i see the guy has interest and I leave. I think its because i don't have closure with this past guy who was essentially playing me..I think I have that fear that its going to happen again even though its a totally different circumstance. So how do i get over the fear and let someone else have the time of day! Has anyone ever felt like this?
BobSacamento Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Sometimes you have to let the fear in. Let it take over. breath, count to 5 and see how you feel. Fear is natural I think. Avoidance never allows us to overcome fear but only controls us. Let down the defenses.
redant Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I think you have to believe in yourself and know that you are worthwhile so that you wont fear being played because if someone trys to again you will know. You know that you wont let it happen again. Think of you and build your self worth up as much as you can.
analyzetheworld Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Usually, whenever we do anything that we don't understand, it's because it's become automatic....meaning we don't think about it, we just do it. It becomes this way because it's become a habit, you have habitually practiced doing something for some time, and after a while it becomes a habit (just like how you practiced driving a car - had to keep lots of things in mind at first, but now it is all a habit and you don't even think of it). How to break a habit? You must first decide how you want to react, instead of your automatic reaction. Once you've decided this, when you see a guy coming to approach you, and you feel yourself starting to run, delay your reaction. Tell yourself, ok, I'll run, but in a minute. If you delay an automatic reaction, it no longer is automatic, and you break the pattern and are able to think about what you're doing, and choose a different path. Good luck.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I wish I knew the answer to this one, Lucky. I'm pretty reserved and quiet until I know somebody pretty well. So smiling and making eye-contact with strangers is apparently enough to almost make me wet my pants. I made eye contact with this HOT guy on the bus I was riding once and looked away immediately, giving a shy smile. Gees, I thought I was going to have a heart-attack. LOL I couldn't bear to look at him again the entire trip. I would imagine that in this case, practice wouldn't hurt. Make yourself stay put. Maybe tell yourself he's just going to ask you what time it is - less threatening.
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Start making small-talk to strangers in lineups, on the elevator, where-ever you have a captive audience , no matter what gender. Or, take some kind of public speaking course. While never shy, I used Toastmasters to improve my public speaking ability, since it was good for business contacts too.
butcher's hook Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I think its because i don't have closure with this past guy who was essentially playing me..I think I have that fear that its going to happen again even though its a totally different circumstance. Can you please explain that a little more? Was he cheating on you? Off the top I can tell you that you have to stop seeing other men as potentially dangerous, really this is the bottom line. Trust, it boils down to trust. Trust is a decision, and once you decide to trust someone then you can. I don't mean blindly I mean enough to allow a person in to even prove themselves to you.
Lizzie60 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 If this happens again.. take a deep breath.. don't move.. keep repeating to yourself.. ' I can do this' .. don't look in his face.. just look at whatever you're looking at.. be cool.. let things happen.. he won't bite.. I don't see how you can overcome your panic if you run all the time.. you need to confront your fears.. You can do it.. you can do it.. repeat.. I can do it..
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