V.Vixen Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 My previous post brings up a new question. To YOU, what is an appropriate time to have sex with someone? Do you have certain events that have to have already taken place? (ie: met family, claimed exclusivity, had X amount of dates) Is casual sex ever ok for YOU?
Lizzie60 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Casual sex is fine with me.. but then I'm much older than you are.. and I am not necessarily looking for my soulmate..
MusicChick24 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 To ME casual sex is a bad thing. I think too many emotions are put into sex for it to be something I would want to do with just about anyone. But that is me and not everyone feels that way. To answer your other questions I feel that way because I wouldn't want to have sex until I am engaged or married to the person I'm going to share it with. I think it's a special and intimate thing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, going on 5 in October and we have never slept together because we made the mutual decision to wait until he ATLEAST proposed me, since we have already began talking about marriage.
Lucky_One Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I don't participate in casual sex. For me, I can make love when I feel a deep emotional connection to the man, and I can feel that he has the same connection to me. That has taken as long as 4 months, or as little as 6 dates. I don't look to sex as a gateway to marriage, but I also don't look at sex as a fun recreational activity.
Kamille Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 To YOU, what is an appropriate time to have sex with someone? Do you have certain events that have to have already taken place? (ie: met family, claimed exclusivity, had X amount of dates) For me, the appropriate time is the amount of time it takes me to absolutely know I want to sleep with someone. That usually is 3-4 weeks, or about 6 to 10 dates. I find that the best way to handle sex, especially if I'm interested in more then a fling with a guy, is to avoid going back to his or my place until I know I want to sleep with the guy. That way I don't have to find myself in a compromising position (pun intended), with my head going in one direction, my hormones in the other and my heart stuck in the middle. In my experience, men respond really really well to this as it means that by the time we are in an intimate setting, I'm a full participant in the activities. And I don't have to wonder, the day after, whether or not I did the right thing. Is casual sex ever ok for YOU? Yes, casual is sometimes ok for me, but very rarely. I've had two ONS in my life. In both instances, I didn't want anything more then a casual fling. In other words, I didn't expect a fling to turn into a romantic relationship. I think it's important to be honest with ourselves when engaging in casual sex and recognize that casual sex is just that: casual. Nothing more. If you cannot have sex without hoping for something serious afterwards (and your other post suggests this might the case), then don't have sex with a man until he's talked about commitment. edit: actually, one of the one-night turned into a one-month summer fling. There was never any thoughts of a relationship in my mind. It was all just romantic summer fun with a goodlooking man.
Author V.Vixen Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 I recently had a casual encounter and I don't feel good about it. It's actaully eating me up a little. ugh. I don't think it's for me, and I am a very sexual person, so waiting for a long term relationship is hard. Rock < ME > hard place
Thaddeus Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I think it depends a lot on what stage one is in their life. I've already shared the story of the death of my first wife, and I didn't date or do anything for just over a year because I was too overcome with grief. But after about 14 or 15 months, I had this "urge" (I don't know what else to call it) to somehow make up for lost time. And I had a lot of very short-term relationships including a healthy cluster of ONS scenarios. I guess it was what I needed to do at the time. Things are different now, and while I don't subscribe to the theory that the other party has to be your "soul mate" (no such thing anyway) or there necessarily has to be some deep, meaningful connection, I treat sex with more sanctity than I used to. That means going celibate at times, which sucks. But rather that than more meaningless humping.
BenThereDunThat Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I agree, sometimes it just depends on where you are in life. I've recently engaged in casual sex and did not beat myself up over it like I might have when I was younger. Going without between relationships sucks! I like sex. Period. But, my last couple of flings have satisfied me for now and I'm not looking for any quick hook-ups. The memories and my rabbit will suffice. As for how long to wait - that can be a double-edged sword for women who enjoy sex. If the girl gives it up too soon, she risks the guy thinking she's easy.
Thaddeus Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 If the girl gives it up too soon, she risks the guy thinking she's easy. Define "too soon."
BenThereDunThat Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Define "too soon." First, second or third dates. I made that mistake when I was younger. I really liked this guy, we went out on a date, the second date was just hanging out at his house. One thing led to another, we were both really into each other, then boom. Dumped me because I had sex with him. Then again, maybe he didn't like me after all and that's the only thing he was after from the start. Who knows. I was just left feeling like if I hadn't slept with him, it would have been different.
Thaddeus Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 One thing led to another, we were both really into each other, then boom. Dumped me because I had sex with him. Then again, maybe he didn't like me after all and that's the only thing he was after from the start. Who knows. I was just left feeling like if I hadn't slept with him, it would have been different. Exactly. Who knows? When my first wife and I met, we had sex on date #2. And we eventually got married and were extremely happy. Point is, what might work for one couple may not work for another. "Too soon" is a judgement call, and blanket judgements simply aren't viable.
BenThereDunThat Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Exactly. Who knows? When my first wife and I met, we had sex on date #2. And we eventually got married and were extremely happy. Point is, what might work for one couple may not work for another. "Too soon" is a judgement call, and blanket judgements simply aren't viable. I completely agree. It depends on the people involved.
Scottdmw Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 At this point in my life I pretty much want to wait till marriage, or at least engagement. For me, the big thing is sex creates strong emotional connections for me which really make it hard if we end up breaking up, as in I have to spend months (or years) recovering. I think there's also something getting lost in our modern-day discussions about this, which is that most forms of birth control aren't really as good as people wish they were. Go to the Planned Parenthood website sometime and look at the “typical use” failure rates—14% per couple per year for condoms for example, and the pill isn't much better if you're not perfect about using it. Pretty big risk with someone you don't even know. Scott
mental_traveller Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 My previous post brings up a new question. To YOU, what is an appropriate time to have sex with someone? Do you have certain events that have to have already taken place? (ie: met family, claimed exclusivity, had X amount of dates) Is casual sex ever ok for YOU? I'd say about 1-2 hours after meeting. No events have to have taken place, except meeting and talking for a while, enough to see what the chemistry is like, and get some basic info on what they're like as a person. Casual sex is cool but that implies you won't be getting serious, which isn't the case if you both fancy each other and have things in common.
mental_traveller Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 If the girl gives it up too soon, she risks the guy thinking she's easy. What's wrong with being easy. Also, the guy is easy too - cuts both ways.
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 To YOU, what is an appropriate time to have sex with someone? Do you have certain events that have to have already taken place? (ie: met family, claimed exclusivity, had X amount of dates) There's no set number of dates or time clocked off, only when it feels right and exclusivity has been discussed. Even if exclusivity has been discussed, I still won't necessarily have sex. Sometimes it's never, if it doesn't feel right. Is casual sex ever ok for YOU?Nope, not for me.
prettybaby Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I'm not into casual sex. It's not really a moral or religious thing with me; it's just that I don't find it enjoyable. But psychologically speaking, for me to have sex with someone, I need to have all of the following points: -1- at least know the guy well enough (3 dates with a perfect stranger won't do, but if it's 3 dates with someone I already knew before, then maybe). -2- have been to his place. I don't know why, I guess seeing where a guy lives helps me grasp his personality better. It helps me as far as trust goes. -3- have kissed. Especially french kissed. If the previous 2 points add up with this one, then I'll most likely feel comfortable enough to have sex the next time we see each other. Especially if the attraction is phenomenal. And especially if I'm not on my period by then lol
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