Sakeneh Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 I am writing this because I am searching for an answer....I fell in love with a guy 4 years ago..... to make a long story short...we dated briefly did the back and forth dance between close friend and something I thought was so much more. I was totally in love with the guy and I wanted it to be more and he...fell in love with another. I clung onto him for 4 years and back in December I needed to move on ..... During that time... I had started a friendship with one of his close friends.... nothing at all inappropriate.... but I found him to be very sweet, polite, caring and just a nice guy. It was his best friend who told me that the ex would never ever seriously date me, never marry me and I should cut it off. I know it sounds cruel... but I thank him for that right now. I think it took him to help me really take a serious look at my relationship with the ex. I was devasted.... and the best friend thought it would be a good idea for me to go NC with the ex. He was breaking up with someone at the time... and was doing the same thing.As a plan... he let me email him everytime I wanted to email the ex.....( and some of the emails were pretty sad....) a couple of times I slipped up broke the NC rule.... and emailed the ex..... and the ex would forward the email to his best friend and the best friend would tell me to stop it. Actually this made me feel like ****.... and question the BF intentions.... but it did work. Now I am feeling better....been about 7 months I still email the best friend.... I personally thought of him as a good guy....and still want to maintain the relationship with him..but often I get short responses, I am busy, or I will call you and he never does.... ( Actually he did once but it was only after I sent the ex a blank email...yes.... irrational I know) So.... the questions are.... is it normal for guys to to that? Was the friend just being a nice guy? And judging from his responses..... it feels like he is blowing me off.... now that I am feeling better..... Link to post Share on other sites
loveshy Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Just trust him that he is really busy now and let him contact you.. Find someone else.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sakeneh Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 Thanks for loveshy for your great advice. I think I just wanted to clarify....was the friend just being nice to me for the benefit of his/ best friend/ my ex.... or was he truly interested in staying in touch /helping me..... Just seems odd.... he has really done alot of things for me. That is where the confusion set in. I really dont have alot of guy "friends".....and the ones I have.... make an effort to answer emails....see each other once in a while and just catch up....Why the sudden blow off....? Why am I making all the effort to stay in touch. Anyway....that said... I will trust what he says and move forward.....if he chooses to contact me it is up to him.... and if not.... then I think that is my answer.... the good news is I am moving on and slowly starting to date again. And that is progress..... Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 As a guy, I know I would never accept the responsibility of "helping" a buddies ex get over them. I have my own life and issues to focus on. With that said..I think he was genuine in his helping you. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 I am writing this because I am searching for an answer....I fell in love with a guy 4 years ago..... to make a long story short...we dated briefly did the back and forth dance between close friend and something I thought was so much more. I was totally in love with the guy and I wanted it to be more and he...fell in love with another. I clung onto him for 4 years and back in December I needed to move on ..... During that time... I had started a friendship with one of his close friends.... nothing at all inappropriate.... but I found him to be very sweet, polite, caring and just a nice guy. It was his best friend who told me that the ex would never ever seriously date me, never marry me and I should cut it off. I know it sounds cruel... but I thank him for that right now. I think it took him to help me really take a serious look at my relationship with the ex. I was devasted.... and the best friend thought it would be a good idea for me to go NC with the ex. He was breaking up with someone at the time... and was doing the same thing.As a plan... he let me email him everytime I wanted to email the ex.....( and some of the emails were pretty sad....) a couple of times I slipped up broke the NC rule.... and emailed the ex..... and the ex would forward the email to his best friend and the best friend would tell me to stop it. Actually this made me feel like ****.... and question the BF intentions.... but it did work. Now I am feeling better....been about 7 months I still email the best friend.... I personally thought of him as a good guy....and still want to maintain the relationship with him..but often I get short responses, I am busy, or I will call you and he never does.... ( Actually he did once but it was only after I sent the ex a blank email...yes.... irrational I know) So.... the questions are.... is it normal for guys to to that? Was the friend just being a nice guy? And judging from his responses..... it feels like he is blowing me off.... now that I am feeling better..... Doesn't seem like a good idea to be friends with your ex's bestfriend. Being buddy-buddy with him...seems like drama. Somehow, getting over my ex, and becoming close friends with his bestfriend do not seem to go hand in hand. I think it is best for you to keep any convos light between you and your ex's bestfriend's versus using him as your support during this time, no matter if he offered or not. I think couples should maintain separate support systems, comes in esp handy in times like this. You should be leaning on a friend who is on YOUR side completely and is ONLY concerned with YOUR welfare...not someone who is loyal to your ex and has allegiance to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sakeneh Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 Thank you so much for your replies! I think you are completely right.... more drama is the last thing I need right now.... I had YEARS of drama with the ex...and now I just want PEACE. I think your suggestion for me to just keep convos light with him and lean on my own support system is completely correct. I just will be sad to lose the friendship with him.... but perhaps I wont.... I personally think he is a genuine great guy.... and truly just wanted to help me get over a bad relationship and move on.....and he also has given me some incredible advice.....so we will see....I just felt it unusual for him to go out of his way for me so much..... then blow me off.....I also questioned the forwarded emails.... but perhaps....that is what it took for me to "see the truth". In the meantime.... I am happy to report.... I am finally healing from the Ex..... and it took a LONG time.....but is a breakthrough...... I finally have been able to push all the negative stuff aside and give a new guy a chance....and hopefully..... the memories of the EX will fade and I will create new ones....I had a good second date tonight..... and maybe thats just a beginning.... but it is a very cool thing to be happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
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