SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Hi all I recently had met a nice person things are going OK he wants to move in next month and help out which is nice as well. Me and him get along good for the most part the only thing I'm nervous about is he said today he wants to have 3 somes? me him and another girl he loves lesbians by the way hes kinky to start off with I'm not I'm kinda more Conservative but Ive been trying to get into it for him. I just think if you truly love some one you don't cheapen it by inviting others into the bed room. He says its a way to spice your life up! I said I don't want to he said well would you let me! I think if I saw that going on that may be it who wants to see the one they care about doing another person? am I wrong? He watches porn allot that doesn't bother me as much cause there not real and I know its just a fantasy. I feel as if sex is just an act to him and to me it means more can 2 people like this last? other then that were good any advice much appreciated thanks..
RA1 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 There are plenty of swinging couples and it's not wrong if it pleases both of you. What really shocks me is that you would consider having someone move in that you've only met "recently". With regard to your last paragraph, no it won't last if sex is just an act for him and something more for you. If you want to have sexual fun with him by all means do so, but I would caution you about having him move in - even f he has offered to help out. That "helping out" whatever it means may cost you dearly in the long run. Please, slow down. PS I looked at your profile after writing the above and you say that one of your interests is "swinging". Something doesn't add up!
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 LOL swinging from the trees! like a monkey would do! oh my maybe I need to rephrase that... And on a different note perhaps I gave the wrong impression I haven't just recently met him Ive known him for quite a while. But we have just recently and when I say recently I mean with in the last 2 months or so become very close. I care for him allot its not just a stranger I picked up off the street sorry for the confusion lol..
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 PS I looked at your profile after writing the above and you say that one of your interests is "swinging". Something doesn't add up! LMAO...seriously, this brought me to tears laughing. She also said she's into combing for fleas and group grooming. And she's a crab fisherman. I think it could be tongue-in-cheek or a JOKE. Like monkeys...swinging from trees. I don't know...I could be wrong. STM...I'm going to say that this is a serious incompatibility. You have already stated that you don't like it and he has tried to find ways around it (by asking, ok..but can I do "this" instead?). I really think it's important to be on the same page with your SO when it comes to sex drive and interests. I'd really reconsider moving in together until this plays out a little bit longer.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 LMAO...seriously, this brought me to tears laughing. She also said she's into combing for fleas and group grooming. And she's a crab fisherman. I think it could be tongue-in-cheek or a JOKE. Like monkeys...swinging from trees. I don't know...I could be wrong. STM...I'm going to say that this is a serious incompatibility. You have already stated that you don't like it and he has tried to find ways around it (by asking, ok..but can I do "this" instead?). I really think it's important to be on the same page with your SO when it comes to sex drive and interests. I'd really reconsider moving in together until this plays out a little bit longer. haha I see you get me at least! SS... I'm doing very well with the crab fishing by the way and I'm going to a group groom in 20 Min's! absolutely fabulous! for the skin...! OK but on a serious note here I guess I could go along with it for him once in a blue moon I would be forcing myself tho. But what bothers me mostly is that I would be seeing him with another person I think something witch even the thought of turns me right off! and hurts me to be honest on sum level. This hole situation is kinda complicated I have trust issues coming into it long story. Dose it mean if your SO is wanting to do this with other people that they are less attracted to you? or tha they care less for you? or is it truly just a lifestyle choice 2 spice things up? I myself just cant Imagen wanting to share my SO with any one else am I just a prude? ugh I hate this what if he finds a chick and it happens and then he leaves me for her!.. Oh and also we have been um very close for about a month now but no sex I mean Ive given him oral but nothing much past that hes also a virgin from what he says far as with a women goes. I notice he doesn't seam to get hard when were cuddling and all he did once the 1st time we fooled around but since then nothing much unless he watches some porn 1st. Hes said he wants to do it at times but Ive been apprehensive if he doesn't get hard hes not attracted to me right? or is it something to do with him? I just dunno again any advice appreciated thanks guys..
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Ummmmmmmmmm. STM, is this the bi-guy? I think...um...it's probably JUST HIM and not you. In this case, "It's not you, it's me" would probably be true if he said it. SERIOUSLY hold off on moving in together. I'm seeing a major hurting heading your way. Be cautious with this guy. If it were me, though, I'd be walking. I'm seeing some major red flags. But if you're content to stay, at least be guarded.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Yes SS its the bi guy really whats the red flags? I see some lifestyle differences but not what id call red flags I'm just wondering if those differences can be worked out what should I guard against? per say..
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Oh and also we have been um very close for about a month now but no sex I mean Ive given him oral but nothing much past that hes also a virgin from what he says far as with a women goes. Taking awhile to warm up to the idea of having sex with a woman...and I mean in his lifetime, AND in the past month. I notice he doesn't seam to get hard when were cuddling and all he did once the 1st time we fooled around but since then nothing much unless he watches some porn 1st. VERY big red flag if a guy can't get hard without watching a porn. Especially in this guy's case. Sounds to me like he needs to see a guy in action for him to get excited. The red flags, to me, are that it sounds like this guy is NOT bi - he's gay. There's something that he's told himself about being gay. Maybe it's society, maybe it's family, maybe it's religious....something is telling him it's NOT okay to just be gay. But he's walking a fine line by claiming to be "bi." In his mind, that's okay. Kind of like the girls that will do anything but vaginal sex and still call themselves virgins. The fact that he has a tough time getting hard just from fooling around is not anything to do with you except for the fact that you have a vagina. A red flag would be the fact that it takes hyper-exciting things to get him in the mood. Porn. Threesomes. Etc. That isn't exactly normal. Now, if porn were just being used as a SUPPLEMENT (kinda like a side dish or occasional dessert) instead of the main focus, that would be different. I see the red flags because I used to be married to a sex addict. And that's why, if I saw the things you're seeing, here - I'd run.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Taking awhile to warm up to the idea of having sex with a woman...and I mean in his lifetime, AND in the past month. VERY big red flag if a guy can't get hard without watching a porn. Especially in this guy's case. Sounds to me like he needs to see a guy in action for him to get excited. The red flags, to me, are that it sounds like this guy is NOT bi - he's gay. There's something that he's told himself about being gay. Maybe it's society, maybe it's family, maybe it's religious....something is telling him it's NOT okay to just be gay. But he's walking a fine line by claiming to be "bi." In his mind, that's okay. Kind of like the girls that will do anything but vaginal sex and still call themselves virgins. The fact that he has a tough time getting hard just from fooling around is not anything to do with you except for the fact that you have a vagina. A red flag would be the fact that it takes hyper-exciting things to get him in the mood. Porn. Threesomes. Etc. That isn't exactly normal. Now, if porn were just being used as a SUPPLEMENT (kinda like a side dish or occasional dessert) instead of the main focus, that would be different. I see the red flags because I used to be married to a sex addict. And that's why, if I saw the things you're seeing, here - I'd run. I see your points but I just want to mention its always lesbian porn he gets off too not men he really loves girl on girl hence the wanting me to be bi thing I guess. If it was man porn then yea its cut and dry hes gay! but its female on female thats why I don't get why actually being with a female doesn't really do it for him unless its just that I don't do it...
Lucky_One Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 PLEASE don't move in together!! You have never had sex, he doesn't get hard without watching porn, he wants you to have threesomes, you will do it "for him" but you will forcing yourself to - and you have only been close for about a month??? There are so many red flags here that a bull would run around in circles.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 PLEASE don't move in together!! You have never had sex, he doesn't get hard without watching porn, he wants you to have threesomes, you will do it "for him" but you will forcing yourself to - and you have only been close for about a month??? There are so many red flags here that a bull would run around in circles. Yes I see them a bit to be honest if I think.. I'm going to sit him down and have a heart to heart today and see what page I end up on this should be interesting prob hurtful in the end we shall see I guess...
Lucky_One Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 There's a post on Marriages (I think) from a guy who is FURIOUS that his wife lied to him prior to marriage - years and years ago. Know what she lied about? She told him that one day she would do a threesome, and pretended to entertain the thought for a decade or so but never acted on it. Finally she admitted that she never had any intention of going through with a threesome, but thought that he would get over it. He hasn't.
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