Curvymommy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I'm a mom of 2, been w my bf for 9 years. Last yr @ a cookout I noticed his coworker eyeing me, I already had an attraction to this man but didn't really think to much of it. I sent him an email @ something a few days later & we clicked & started talking secretly. He has a live in girlfriend whom he says he is not in love with. We have been sneaking around for a year and have recently had sex.(more than once) I keep trying to stop cause I know it's not right but he will still want us to keep texting eachother. He complains now and that then his gf is a pain but doesn't want to kick her out cause he feels bad, she has a good job but he says he doesn't know where she will go & i'm not happy w my bf but I have no other choices right now to move out being that I'm a stay at home mom w no job right now. I feel really bad about it all but I can't seem to stop seeing this man. He tells me that I have him wrapped around my finger, I think I love him. It's like we are meant to be together. What should I do? Please don't judge me, I never thought I'd be one to cheat but I love being with him. Please help!!! Any advice is well appreciated and please be honest. Thank you!!!
Bayern Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Maybe talk with your husband or quit. I don't know what you should do, but for the love of god spare the poor kids. :sick:
Scottdmw Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I think you are going to need to figure out what is important to you in life. Right now you have a big conflict between what you want and what your children would want if they could fully understand the situation. Attraction and romance are very powerful forces, and they can make you feel extremely good—your human nature is made that way. Your children also have their own hard-wired emotions and would really like to be in a situation where they have a good relationship with their father and their mother in a stable situation. It is just the way children are made, they are not going to be anywhere near as happy if you replace their father with a different man. They will learn to live with it if you force them to, but it will not be good for them. There is no way in this situation for everyone to be happy. It's unfortunate, but that's the way it is. It seems like you have three choices: --Go no contact with the new guy--no texts, no phone calls, and no communication. Try your best to rekindle the romance with your boyfriend of nine years, whom I'm presuming is the children's father. In this case you give up the excitement and pleasure of a new romance in exchange for happiness and stability for your children. --Move out of your boyfriends house, break up with him decently, and try to make things work with the new guy. In this case you will most likely be happier yourself for as long as the flush of your new romance lasts, but your children will probably have a significant period of adjustment and unhappiness. Note that statistically speaking most affairs end within six months of coming out in the open--the feelings that felt so strong just go away. --Keep going as you are. Understand that you are using your boyfriend who presumably loves you as a tool for financial stability, and preventing him from having a good relationship either with you or someone else. You are sacrificing his happiness for your own. Be prepared that if he finds out, he will feel extremely betrayed and angry, and most people will judge you very harshly. Your relationship with him will never be the same, read some of the threads in the infidelity section of this website. Perhaps you believe that you have ended up in this situation without really choosing to come here, that you're a good person and just followed your feelings. Remember that that is how it feels for everyone that has an affair or cheats on their significant other, and in fact whenever anybody does something wrong it almost always feels right to that person. It doesn't make it actually right though. Only you can decide what you're going to do and what your life is going to be about. Scott
norajane Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 It's like we are meant to be together.Really? Then why are neither one of you doing a damned thing about it except sneaking around, lying, cheating, and deceiving the people you are living with? If you were really meant to be, you'd be making plans to be together. You'd get out of the house and get a job so you can support yourself. You and he would both be breaking up with the partners you are lying to every day. And you'd be finding a place to live together, or separately so you can be together. As it is, you're just screwing around on your partners with absolutely no interest in changing anything, and you are using your partner for his money. That's not love, that's not "meant to be", that's just cheating and it's pretty selfish and cheap. If you're both in love, you would do something about being together instead of just stringing your partners along. If you've never discussed any plans, don't be surprised if this guy doesn't really want to change anything. He may just like having you on the side while staying with his girlfriend. Don't be too sure he wants to change anything. With this other man being your boyfriend's coworker, odds are he NEVER wants this affair to come to light and has no intention of being with you, except as an affair partner.
Author Curvymommy Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Thanx guys for all the great advice and Scott, I think I'm going with ur first recommendation of no text, calls, or communication. The problem is, I have tried this before, I told him "no more meetings" so he said, oh but can we still text and email? We did that and he was like, I have to see u and then I end up giving in and going to meet him. As of now I haven't talked to him in 4 days and last was via text so I am trying. I don't want to feel like I am using my bf for any financial support so I know this has to stop. I am disrespecting my children's father and it has to stop!!! He knows that I would leave my bf to be with him but NoraJane ur right, he's not doing anything about trying to be with me. I think the major part IS that he's a coworker and he doesn't want anyone to find out, he has said that if anyone found out he would look like an "as*hole" His gf has lived with him for almost a year and he says he's waiting for her to mess up bigtime before he kicks her out because he says she has no where to go if he does. She was living with her parents when they met so she could always go back there! And she has a very well paying job!!! Well I'm not gonna sweat it anymore. I will be ignoring him and if neither one of us moves on then I guess it's not "meant to be"!
Andy L Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 Tell your bf about what you are doing with this OM.. Let him decide to stay or not with you. Is it good? Of course not, but at least you'll be correct from now on. Good luck:cool:
BOLTON33 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 What a whore. Both of you are parasites, you freeloading off your gullible and loving boyfriend and this clown leaching off his girlfriend. You prefer to take for granted an amazing thing like a 10 year relationship with a stable partner who supports you and your children completely financially and cheat on him for the first guy who happens to be better looking that shows interest in you? You need to go to therapy, you are obviously a sociopath. You obviously have 0 gratitude to the man who is feeding you, housing you, and clothing you, or respect for the children who need a stable family unit in to belong to.
Author Curvymommy Posted July 17, 2009 Author Posted July 17, 2009 Bolton33, what a joke! Who said the man was better looking or that he was the first man to come along to show me interest. I'm not freeloading off my bf either, I do my part in the house & take care of our children. I think ur the one who needs therapy, u sound so bitter, maybe this has happened to u?
lazlow99 Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 ^ My Dad cheated on my mum and it almost ruined our family, even before it was all out in the open. I just feel sorry for your kids and your boyfriend. If you're not happy with your boyfriend tell him, don't go sneaking behind his back. It doesn't sound like you care about anyone but yourself.
Els Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 What a whore. Both of you are parasites, you freeloading off your gullible and loving boyfriend and this clown leaching off his girlfriend. You prefer to take for granted an amazing thing like a 10 year relationship with a stable partner who supports you and your children completely financially and cheat on him for the first guy who happens to be better looking that shows interest in you? You need to go to therapy, you are obviously a sociopath. You obviously have 0 gratitude to the man who is feeding you, housing you, and clothing you, or respect for the children who need a stable family unit in to belong to. While I agree completely with Scott that the OP needs to make a choice, as difficult as it may be... Your post is, excuse me, complete bs. It implies that all stay-at-home-moms are freeloaders. That they should be all grateful that their man is feeding, clothing, etc them... when the reason why they're not in a job and at home in the FIRST place is because of a child they and the man had TOGETHER. Yes, the OP should respect her bf and call an end to this. But being a SAHM does not equate to freeloader. Geez. So if she had a job and wasn't supported by him and didn't stay at home taking care of the kids, it makes what she's doing less bad?
hopesndreams Posted July 17, 2009 Posted July 17, 2009 ^ My Dad cheated on my mum and it almost ruined our family, even before it was all out in the open. I just feel sorry for your kids and your boyfriend. If you're not happy with your boyfriend tell him, don't go sneaking behind his back. It doesn't sound like you care about anyone but yourself. Hit the nail on the head.
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