Road To Joy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Is this normal? I have been so accepting lately. I thought about her and another guy, and I felt fine. I was sure not to tell myself that I was completely over it, though, in case it came back. I know this whole recovery thing is a rollercoaster. I kind of miss her, and I feel lonely. I'm not sure if it's just the intimacy I had with her that I miss, or feeling close to someone, anybody. I've been doing good lately, and this hits me out of nowhere. I just want to lay with her, and even make love. I miss it. And it makes me a little sad knowing it's never going to come back. I'm not awfully depressed or in agonizing pain, but this feeling still bothers me. Sadly, I can't just go out and meet someone new, go on a date, etc. I'm a very sensitive guy and going on a date or even going to a party and having sex isn't going to cut it. I need an emotional connection, otherwise I feel dirty And that takes time to develop, imo. Or at least with me/in my case... Thank you all.
ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Sadly, I can't just go out and meet someone new, go on a date, etc. I'm a very sensitive guy and going on a date or even going to a party and having sex isn't going to cut it. I need an emotional connection, otherwise I feel dirty And that takes time to develop, imo. Or at least with me/in my case... Thank you all. That's exactly me! I am very sensitive as describes just me! Just need to met that one girl and dont take it fast, take is slow and dont rush into it! wait till maybe you have an emotional bond.
Giha Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Gee...this exactly happens to me right now..started about 10 hours ago. I feel very empty all of a sudden. I was all ok, doing my things and then BAM, I find myself longing for her touch like crazy. I miss her so much...I feel like only looking into her eyes can take all my pain away. I too can't find someone new that easily. I can't see myself with another until my feelings for my ex are gone, it just feels bad to have mixed feelings. Also I'm a very closed and shy kind of person, so I don't get alot of girls..I guess that's how my ex was special. When I met her I wasn't afraid to try, it just felt right..so for the first time I actually tried my best and didn't wait for a miracle to happen (like with my other exes). This may sound very cheesy, but this is exactly how I feel - She gave me alot of strength. I have mental illness causing me to have social problems, anxieties and what-not. I literaly ignored all my problems just to be with her..I never fought my problems because I didn't have enough strength in me, but with her I felt like it's like taking a candy from a baby. I miss that..I miss all of it. ugh this sucks. It's 7 in the morning here and I didn't sleep at all because I feel like i just cant man i sound like a girl
Author Road To Joy Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 That's exactly me! I am very sensitive as describes just me! Just need to met that one girl and dont take it fast, take is slow and dont rush into it! wait till maybe you have an emotional bond. I'm hoping I get there! I'm excited but at the same time I get my down moments. And it's good to know I'm not alone with the whole sensitivity, lol. Gee...this exactly happens to me right now..started about 10 hours ago. I feel very empty all of a sudden. I was all ok, doing my things and then BAM, I find myself longing for her touch like crazy. I miss her so much...I feel like only looking into her eyes can take all my pain away. I too can't find someone new that easily. I can't see myself with another until my feelings for my ex are gone, it just feels bad to have mixed feelings. Also I'm a very closed and shy kind of person, so I don't get alot of girls..I guess that's how my ex was special. When I met her I wasn't afraid to try, it just felt right..so for the first time I actually tried my best and didn't wait for a miracle to happen (like with my other exes). This may sound very cheesy, but this is exactly how I feel - She gave me alot of strength. I have mental illness causing me to have social problems, anxieties and what-not. I literaly ignored all my problems just to be with her..I never fought my problems because I didn't have enough strength in me, but with her I felt like it's like taking a candy from a baby. I miss that..I miss all of it. Dude, you're like my clone! Haha. I don't even know how to reply to this because it's exactly how I feel and how I am. I, too, am very shy. Except with my friends, but then how am I supposed to make new friends? Lol. It took a lot to get comfortable with my ex, and then I got really close to her and we got really intimate. Sex wasn't just sex, it was way more than that. It went to such deep emotional levels. And feeling that way about someone else is going to take such a long time. Also, I'm afraid it's going to take even more work since my trust is completely f*cked due to her cheating... -sigh- So complicated. Good news, though. I feel better than I did like... whenever I posted this. Which wasn't long ago, at all. ugh this sucks. It's 7 in the morning here and I didn't sleep at all because I feel like i just cant man i sound like a girl Where do you live? It's almost 1am where I live. Which is Florida, US.
Giha Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Israel, actually no hatred, i hope and I hear ya about that sex thing. well she was my first, and before then i thought its just a way to get close and all that. but it was alot more..may sound like a huge cliche but at times it felt like we were one or something..in the way we moved, like we were one body..it dont know if she felt that way but for me it was just like that I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. After playing on my guitar for a good hour or so i feel better too. music does miracles
Author Road To Joy Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Israel, actually no hatred, i hope and I hear ya about that sex thing. well she was my first, and before then i thought its just a way to get close and all that. but it was alot more..may sound like a huge cliche but at times it felt like we were one or something..in the way we moved, like we were one body..it dont know if she felt that way but for me it was just like that I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. After playing on my guitar for a good hour or so i feel better too. music does miracles Israel?! That's awesome. And I know what you mean. She was my first, too. Which is also another reason why I'm not a one-night-stand type of guy. I've only had one sex partner before and I can't see myself going out and having sex with a random chick.
Danzig Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Yeah guys, i think i'm in the same boat lol. My ex wasn't my first, but the other times weren't that enjoyable, too drunk, too nervous etc. She was the first girl I felt comfortable with intimately.And she was my first girlfriend too, I'm 24, late bloomer i guess. Our relationship wasn't working out, we both knew it. We liked each other, but we both weren't connecting the way we wanted, so we called it quits. But yeah i feel the same way.I think i miss the human contact more than i do her, but my minds making me think i miss her or something. plus it's been almost two months, and no girl has shown interest in me or anything. so when i get lonely i automatically think of her. Sh*tty lol. at least there's forums like this out there, really does make it easier
mr.dream merchant Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I don't think the amount of partners you've had before or after will change much. I used to be an insecure, paranoid, jealous guy. But now I know that even though there may have been others before you in your current GF's life, it means nothing because there wasn't that emotional investment/attachment aspect to it like she has for you, or you for her. After a month of my GF and I's split, I've been with several girls. I don't know if any of you seen my "Confessions of a Rebounder" thread but that was basically me explaining with words the feelings that go through my head. When I have sex with these girls, I feel empty. And in the presence of that emptiness, I end up missing my ex even more. She dumped me. Is she going through the same thing? Who knows. These girls are enjoying themselves, and yeah the sex can be enjoyable, but it just doesn't compare to what my ex and I shared. Not even one bit. Mature people don't really move on from a serious relationship in such ways. I'm having sex with other women because well, this is a learning experience for me. I now know that it doesn't help anything. My GF on the other hand is experienced with relationships so she already knows that the rebound isn't going to work. I'm not gonna front, it eases a little bit of pain knowing that she hasn't moved on and probably won't for some time. But I can't really focus on that right now, I want to move on. I'm not an ugly guy, and I get attention from females. But just know that its not about the girls or the attention you get. Its the same ****, just a different toilet. When you feel for someone, YOU. FEEL. FOR. THEM. These chicks I'm laying don't ease or help ****. I dunno though..I don't know how I'm going to move on without dating around. How long will it take before I can actually start dating and move on from my ex? Who knows. I guess like everyone says, only time will tell. You just have to use that time to your benefit and keep busy and active. Yeah you'll miss your ex and you'll feel like its all just a front you're putting on, but try doing it for 2-4 months. By then you'll be over your ex no problem. Stop thinking about the now and keep your eyes on the finish line. Where do you want to see yourself a couple months from now? I know where I want to be. And that's focused on the more important things in life like MY happiness, MY success. I care for my ex alot but there's just nothing one can do but move on with their life when someone doesn't want to be with them. That's ALL you can do. All the questions, all the what if's, and's or but's, they don't matter. I used to think my situation was different. You may feel the same to. Its not. You fell off your horse. We all did. How well off in the future you are depends on how bad you want to get up right now. You'll miss your ex. Its only natural. They'll miss you to. Don't worry about that. They could've cursed you out, spit in your face, keyed your car, beat your mother up, WHATEVER. They will miss you. If they don't miss you they're either a very damaged individual. Or they were faking your whole relationship. Either way, its not a person you want to miss or care for. So its a win win situation. Just know that you missing them isn't a sign of you not making progress. Keep busy, keep to yourself. DO NOT. DO NOT. DO NOT. REBOUND. If a chick is feeling you, let them know your situation. Let them know you just got out a serious relationship and you're not looking for anything too serious. It doesn't mean you can't date around and have fun with them. Just let them know the deal, and if they still want to have fun, then godamnit, have fun.
stablesong Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I don't think the amount of partners you've had before or after will change much. I used to be an insecure, paranoid, jealous guy. But now I know that even though there may have been others before you in your current GF's life, it means nothing because there wasn't that emotional investment/attachment aspect to it like she has for you, or you for her. After a month of my GF and I's split, I've been with several girls. I don't know if any of you seen my "Confessions of a Rebounder" thread but that was basically me explaining with words the feelings that go through my head. When I have sex with these girls, I feel empty. And in the presence of that emptiness, I end up missing my ex even more. She dumped me. Is she going through the same thing? Who knows. These girls are enjoying themselves, and yeah the sex can be enjoyable, but it just doesn't compare to what my ex and I shared. Not even one bit. Mature people don't really move on from a serious relationship in such ways. I'm having sex with other women because well, this is a learning experience for me. I now know that it doesn't help anything. My GF on the other hand is experienced with relationships so she already knows that the rebound isn't going to work. I'm not gonna front, it eases a little bit of pain knowing that she hasn't moved on and probably won't for some time. But I can't really focus on that right now, I want to move on. I'm not an ugly guy, and I get attention from females. But just know that its not about the girls or the attention you get. Its the same ****, just a different toilet. When you feel for someone, YOU. FEEL. FOR. THEM. These chicks I'm laying don't ease or help ****. I dunno though..I don't know how I'm going to move on without dating around. How long will it take before I can actually start dating and move on from my ex? Who knows. I guess like everyone says, only time will tell. You just have to use that time to your benefit and keep busy and active. Yeah you'll miss your ex and you'll feel like its all just a front you're putting on, but try doing it for 2-4 months. By then you'll be over your ex no problem. Stop thinking about the now and keep your eyes on the finish line. Where do you want to see yourself a couple months from now? I know where I want to be. And that's focused on the more important things in life like MY happiness, MY success. I care for my ex alot but there's just nothing one can do but move on with their life when someone doesn't want to be with them. That's ALL you can do. All the questions, all the what if's, and's or but's, they don't matter. I used to think my situation was different. You may feel the same to. Its not. You fell off your horse. We all did. How well off in the future you are depends on how bad you want to get up right now. You'll miss your ex. Its only natural. They'll miss you to. Don't worry about that. They could've cursed you out, spit in your face, keyed your car, beat your mother up, WHATEVER. They will miss you. If they don't miss you they're either a very damaged individual. Or they were faking your whole relationship. Either way, its not a person you want to miss or care for. So its a win win situation. Just know that you missing them isn't a sign of you not making progress. Keep busy, keep to yourself. DO NOT. DO NOT. DO NOT. REBOUND. If a chick is feeling you, let them know your situation. Let them know you just got out a serious relationship and you're not looking for anything too serious. It doesn't mean you can't date around and have fun with them. Just let them know the deal, and if they still want to have fun, then godamnit, have fun. You, sir, make sense
Author Road To Joy Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Yeah guys, i think i'm in the same boat lol. My ex wasn't my first, but the other times weren't that enjoyable, too drunk, too nervous etc. She was the first girl I felt comfortable with intimately.And she was my first girlfriend too, I'm 24, late bloomer i guess. Our relationship wasn't working out, we both knew it. We liked each other, but we both weren't connecting the way we wanted, so we called it quits. But yeah i feel the same way.I think i miss the human contact more than i do her, but my minds making me think i miss her or something. plus it's been almost two months, and no girl has shown interest in me or anything. so when i get lonely i automatically think of her. Sh*tty lol. at least there's forums like this out there, really does make it easier Well, welcome to the club, buddy. And this site DOES make it a lot easier, in numerous ways. I can't thank the creator of this place enough, whoever he/she may be. lol. I don't think the amount of partners you've had before or after will change much. I used to be an insecure, paranoid, jealous guy. But now I know that even though there may have been others before you in your current GF's life, it means nothing because there wasn't that emotional investment/attachment aspect to it like she has for you, or you for her. After a month of my GF and I's split, I've been with several girls. I don't know if any of you seen my "Confessions of a Rebounder" thread but that was basically me explaining with words the feelings that go through my head. When I have sex with these girls, I feel empty. And in the presence of that emptiness, I end up missing my ex even more. She dumped me. Is she going through the same thing? Who knows. These girls are enjoying themselves, and yeah the sex can be enjoyable, but it just doesn't compare to what my ex and I shared. Not even one bit. Mature people don't really move on from a serious relationship in such ways. I'm having sex with other women because well, this is a learning experience for me. I now know that it doesn't help anything. My GF on the other hand is experienced with relationships so she already knows that the rebound isn't going to work. I'm not gonna front, it eases a little bit of pain knowing that she hasn't moved on and probably won't for some time. But I can't really focus on that right now, I want to move on. I'm not an ugly guy, and I get attention from females. But just know that its not about the girls or the attention you get. Its the same ****, just a different toilet. When you feel for someone, YOU. FEEL. FOR. THEM. These chicks I'm laying don't ease or help ****. I dunno though..I don't know how I'm going to move on without dating around. How long will it take before I can actually start dating and move on from my ex? Who knows. I guess like everyone says, only time will tell. You just have to use that time to your benefit and keep busy and active. Yeah you'll miss your ex and you'll feel like its all just a front you're putting on, but try doing it for 2-4 months. By then you'll be over your ex no problem. Stop thinking about the now and keep your eyes on the finish line. Where do you want to see yourself a couple months from now? I know where I want to be. And that's focused on the more important things in life like MY happiness, MY success. I care for my ex alot but there's just nothing one can do but move on with their life when someone doesn't want to be with them. That's ALL you can do. All the questions, all the what if's, and's or but's, they don't matter. I used to think my situation was different. You may feel the same to. Its not. You fell off your horse. We all did. How well off in the future you are depends on how bad you want to get up right now. You'll miss your ex. Its only natural. They'll miss you to. Don't worry about that. They could've cursed you out, spit in your face, keyed your car, beat your mother up, WHATEVER. They will miss you. If they don't miss you they're either a very damaged individual. Or they were faking your whole relationship. Either way, its not a person you want to miss or care for. So its a win win situation. Just know that you missing them isn't a sign of you not making progress. Keep busy, keep to yourself. DO NOT. DO NOT. DO NOT. REBOUND. If a chick is feeling you, let them know your situation. Let them know you just got out a serious relationship and you're not looking for anything too serious. It doesn't mean you can't date around and have fun with them. Just let them know the deal, and if they still want to have fun, then godamnit, have fun. -applause- The advice in your response is extremely helpful. I feel bad not writing as much as you did. But honestly, when someone says it all there's not much for me left to say. I did read your other post, and I can only imagine the emptiness you felt all those times. You're not completely lost, though, imo. It looks like you're grieving, maybe even a little bit more harsh than others, but you know where you're standing. And I think that's the most important part. You know you have to move on, and you're suffering because of it. Which is healthy, as weird as that may sound. There's people out there who go in denial for years, and it comes back to bite them in the ass later. Just know that you missing them isn't a sign of you not making progress. This is immensely encouraging. Thank you so much.
NJAries Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 There must be something in the air today, I've been feeling the same way as the OP all day today. Sucks, sucks real bad... Oh well everything happens for a reason... -Aries
brock9911 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 dude i feel ya. i have the same feelings toward my ex. im not necessarily missing her as much as the relationship as a whole. the phone calls, texts, having someone there when you come home. its a void just like quitting cigarettes, it just takes time to get used to. but as for the parties and going out, im extremely sensitive and iv started to learn to not become attatched when a girl gives u attention. it pushes them away. since that iv been meeting lots of girls. not giving them so much attention leads to them calling me instead of going after them. its hard to do but try to put feelings in the back of your mind and just be yourself. the attention feels good, but remember, now your single enjoy it and have fun, its what iv been doing and eventually someone good will come around and treat you the way you should be treated
Danzig Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Yeah I remember I was doing great before I met her. Truly enjoying the single life. I just need to get back to that state of mind. But just like everyone says, Time is the Great Healer. I can't wait to look back on all this and be like "Meh, I can't believe I felt like that over HER" LoL. Best of luck to everyone
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