ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Hi I've been lurking around this site for a while since my ex boyfriend of 10 months dumped me about 3 weeks ago and I've been in NC since. I'm having a really hard time he was my first boyfriend who I really feel for hard, and I'm only 18. We dated my entire freshman year of college. But to add to this my best friend for many years passed away last night so I've having an extremely hard time dealing with all of this at one time. Does anyone has advice for me? help me move forward. I've never had a broken heart before to this degree both events were so unexpected and I'm all new to this feelings and emotions. Is it true that time heals wounds?
EmperorR Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Yes time does heal, sorry about your best friend passing. Continue with NC, as well try to keep yourself busy and work on yourself, your only 18 so your very young, I know the first cut is the deepest as Cat stevens would say, and it does hurt but you can and will ge tthrough this.
Meaplus3 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your dear friend that I'm sure is heart breaking enough. Add to it, breaking up with your very first bf and of course you are going to be feeling simply awful. The best thing you can do right now is remember all the fun times you had with your friend. Do allow yourself the time to grieve the loss. Same sort of applies to your BF but with that scenerio, try and see what might not have been working in the the relationship. Stick with Nc and it will be easier for you to move forward. Most of all, do keep your chin up and try to smile. Time does IMO heal all wounds. Best wishes. Mea:)
Author ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Thank you all for you supporting words. I'm in a total mess right now. I was doing really well at the beginning of NC each day got better. But since last night my best friend passing all the emotions came rolling back on in! she went to college with me also and I'm home for the summer so I'm dreading going back to school I lost my boyfriend and now my friend. What really sucks is that all of my friends were my ex's friends so I'm starting fresh new slate. I'm young right I mean I'm only 18? I have so many more things ahead of me..I cant dwell on my first actually "real" relationship out of high school. I just invested everything in him and he just dumps me! blah!
Meaplus3 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Thank you all for you supporting words. I'm in a total mess right now. I was doing really well at the beginning of NC each day got better. But since last night my best friend passing all the emotions came rolling back on in! she went to college with me also and I'm home for the summer so I'm dreading going back to school I lost my boyfriend and now my friend. What really sucks is that all of my friends were my ex's friends so I'm starting fresh new slate. I'm young right I mean I'm only 18? I have so many more things ahead of me..I cant dwell on my first actually "real" relationship out of high school. I just invested everything in him and he just dumps me! blah! Hang in there hon. You are young and do have so much ahead of you. That's a Great way to look at things. Healing takes time and you will get there. Hugs. Mea:)
Author ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 As I read through some postings and this question is asked many of times. Do you ever stop thinking about the ex? Do you have any suggestions on some things I can do to heal properly and get through this?
Road To Joy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 As I read through some postings and this question is asked many of times. Do you ever stop thinking about the ex? Do you have any suggestions on some things I can do to heal properly and get through this? I, like you, am very young. In fact, probably younger than you. I'm just turning 18 in 4 days. But I was with my ex for 2 years and 8 months. Since the end of my summer after freshman year in HIGH SCHOOL. Lol. I was with her my last 3 whole years of high school. And we broke up a month before my graduation. It was so scary. Leaving high school, turning 18 soon, ahh so many changes. And on top of that I had a heartbreak to deal with. I PROMISE the thoughts stop. Just stay in NC, it's the best you can do. In the early stages, I would wonder more than anything if it ALL stops eventually. And so far everything I was afraid of never ending, has ended (mostly). Don't worry, I promise everything will be okay. And I'm so sorry for your loss. You're not alone!
Author ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Road To Joy how long have you been broken up for already? Gah I do wish I could forget it all and dont feel this pain anymore. But I am determined to get over him and move on with my life no matter how hard it will be.
Giha Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Road To Joy is absolutely right. It may take time, could be alot could be a little (depends on how you treat yourself during that time) - but you WILL get through this. My heart is shattered for 2 and a half months now, but I definately see the light at the end of the tunnel. At first things we're so bad, I never thought I can manage to handle it..but here I am, stronger than I was before. I assure you, you will be ok. Time IS the best healer, you just need to do whatever is in your power to let go and set your mind to other things. I know it's hard, I'm having trouble with it myself, and we all do, and we all gonna get through this before we know it
Road To Joy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Road To Joy how long have you been broken up for already? Gah I do wish I could forget it all and dont feel this pain anymore. But I am determined to get over him and move on with my life no matter how hard it will be. We broke up late April, but NC since late May. You'll get where I am, I promise. I used to fear the exact same things you're fearing. As cliche as it sounds, it just takes time. I assure you, you will be ok. Time IS the best healer, you just need to do whatever is in your power to let go and set your mind to other things. I know it's hard, I'm having trouble with it myself, and we all do, and we all gonna get through this before we know it Exactly.
Author ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Thank you for all of your help. Being able to talk to someone other than my friends who are most likely sick of hearing it. But its also nice to see that it's not only me everyone goes through a terrible heartbreak once in their lives. Just gotta keep moving forward right? NC FOR SURE!
Giha Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 That's the spirit! I think LS is a good place to talk about things because as you said, sometimes our friends are sick of hearing the same thing all over again. People who post here actually want to hear, and that just feels good to have. I know this board helped me alot.
Road To Joy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Man, I agree. LS has done miracles for me. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found this place.
Author ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 yes, agree also. I'm so glad i found this site. I've been coming back everyday for the past 2 weeks since my breakup! It's helped open my eyes and get really good advice! I hope things get better, and I see the light again!
mr.dream merchant Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I thought I was doing well but I've been thinking about my ex for 2 days now. This is the hardest part for me. The wondering thoughts of what she's up to, or if she went to the club last night and got drunk, if she's seeing another guy, if she left me for another guy. All these questions race through my head. Then I start to analyze our break up to make sense of it find an answer to one of those questions. I figure, if she's been NC strong for about a month now, she probably does have someone occupying her time, and she's the dumper. And when I think about it, I just get disappointed and a bit depressed. How can someone just throw me away like that? Are my feelings not important? Was I not important enough to be honest and open with? Am I that expendable? I myself have been trying to get over her, my ex, but its so hard. I've been having sex with other girls but all that does it make me think of her more. But the only reason I even do it is because I know that its probably more than likely that my ex is in the middle of talking to or is with another guy already. So its like I'm trying to get over in the same way she did. Is she really over me? Can she really look herself in the mirror and tell herself that she is over me and that her new guy is going to bring her happiness? Does she really not miss me or think about me at all enough for her to not even contact me for a month?
Author ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 The biggest problem I have is accepting that it is no more. We are no longer together. I cant seem to accept that he doesnt want me anymore. I cant accept that I can no longer talk to him. I just lost someone very close to me! Do I treat it like a death? I've never dealt with a breakup before to this degree he was my first love!
Giha Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I was in the exact situation like yours The thought of losing her for good was unbearable. She was my first love as well (but not the first girlfriend) It takes a while but you get used to the idea of him being out of your life..you kind of have to, and the sooner the better. Take your time to grief, it's a stage you must have after the break up, but acceptance is the most important stage. You sound like a wonderful person and I know you will find someone you will love and who loved you back just the same, even if you can't see that right now.
Author ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 I was in the exact situation like yours The thought of losing her for good was unbearable. She was my first love as well (but not the first girlfriend) It takes a while but you get used to the idea of him being out of your life..you kind of have to, and the sooner the better. Take your time to grief, it's a stage you must have after the break up, but acceptance is the most important stage. You sound like a wonderful person and I know you will find someone you will love and who loved you back just the same, even if you can't see that right now. Yeah my ex boyfriend and I had a weird relationship. I met him my freshman year of college and he was already a junior in college and he just got accepted into pharmacy school and would be moving the following year to the WA and since we live in Hawaii it would be soon eventually be a LDR and he didnt like LDR at all. From the beginning he told me " I dont know why you are with me I'm gonna move and what are you going to do then" so i knew we had to break up but behind my head I had that little hope that he would try but i guessed wrong. Another reason he dumped me was I think he was getting attached and did not want to feel that way. I always had a problem with our communication we didnt have good communication at all! He never talked about how he felt and so forth. And later when he dumped me he said he never really found a reason for putting so much effort in to anything because he knew that he was leaving eventually. But yet he sticked around for 10 months. That's what I dont get. If he knew that he was leaving why didnt he do it earlier? was he just keeping me around for sex? And what hurts even more I turned in my V card to him. He was my first real love ( not first bf ) I can't seem to lose to fact that I no longer have him in my life! I want it all to go away!
Giha Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Communication is the most important thing in a relationship imo. It just won't work without it, not ever..I learned this the hard way. If my ex would have talked to me about how she feels, things could end differently. It has been 2 and a half months now and I miss her like hell. I have never felt that way about anyone..I'm not one to miss people alot. It feels terrible...I wish it would stop..and it will. And it will end for you too, in time. We need to stay strong and remember we are not alone.
Author ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 I am the exact same I never really have a hard time missing someone I'm usually fine but I do miss people a lot when they pass away but i get over it. But I cant seem to get over him its only been just under a month since we broke up and it still feels like yesterday we were together! I cant seem to let it go!
Giha Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 You will, but you have to give it time. It doesn't happen over night The first heartbreak is the hardest, or so my friends say. But we can get over it, believe me I know how you feel.
Author ekt21 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 yes we can and we will! thank you..I just need to keep positive and learn to love myself and me proud of how far I've gotten. But most importantly I need to remember it's a life and it doesnt stop for you!
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