gullible Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I think I stopped loving my wife in 2007. At that time I was planning to get a divorce, however I backed off, partially because of financial issues and partially because my W claims that she loves me very much and that I am imagining things and that I just need to get over it. She claims she was not having an affair, that the OM was just a friend. The final straw was when she said that she'd arrange a meeting between the three of us so that I could see that they were just friends, then she lied to me about him canceling several times when in reality she had never contacted him. She apparently thought that I would forget about it. Finally she said that she'd be embarrassed to call and ask for a meeting. She also claims that she didn't have an affair with a woman that she works with even though the woman told me that they did have. If I'm not going to get a divorce I would love to have the same feelings for her that I did before, but I just don't seem to be able to do it. I feel like she's using me because she would have a hard time living on her salary and I resent it very much. What can I do to fall back in love with her?
hopesndreams Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 She has proven she can't be trusted and that she has no respect for you. Without those 2 things in a relationship, where can there be love? If you feel she is using you financially, then she most likely is. You are just waiting around for her to find someone else, and she will.
Thaddeus Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Gullible, I've been in your shoes. It's no fun. Your wife insists that she loves you very much and you should just "get over it." I think this is a good time to call a marriage counsellor. Obviously there are pretty serious trust issues going on, and with her telling you, "get over it," that's not helping matters. She's trying to make you the bad guy when in fact she may be the instigator. (I think that's called "gaslighting," though I'm not sure on the terminology.) At the risk of making an assumptive leap here, this is what I'd do: Talk to a lawyer and financial advisor to protect yourself in case of divorce. Do not tell her you've done this. Just get all your legal and financial ducks in a row. It is entirely possible that she is already planning to blind-side you with divorce papers, or at the very least using you as only a cash machine. So protect yourself (and your children, if you have any) by getting proper legal and financial advice.
MrFun Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 protect yourself (and your children, if you have any) by getting proper legal and financial advice. There's not trust nor respect, therefore there can never be love. You can't force it, man. What you can force is getting legal advice. Good luck!
001bh Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Sorry dude, but you're being set up. Everything can be forgiven except cheating and especially if you are married. Get legal and financial advice, divorce her, at least you let her know that you are not to abused. Make sure she can't ruin your life any longer. It sickens me every time I hear stories like this.
boogieboy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Yeah you cant fall in love with her when there is still trust issues with you. You might be paranoid, but you might also be feeling your instincts telling you the real deal. You should get some proof, or just bail. You shouldnt have to force yourself to fall back in love, it wont happen.
Lizzie60 Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Once it's gone... it's almost impossible to fall back in love.. btdt... I left..
Author gullible Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 No children involved. I'm 64 and she's 60 -- we've only been married for 8 years. One problem is that we're slightly upside down in a house, but not enough to justify a short sale. I guess the biggest problem is that I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or not. Her 'friend' told her he was getting married in October 2007, and her attitude toward me seemed to change after that, but I've been unable to change the way I feel. I have no idea if she's still in contact with him, but probably not. I know most people are unhappy, and I have no assurance that if I divorced her I would be any happier than I am now.
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